Motherâ€™s Day is just around the corner. Since my day never really goes the way I want it to, I thought I would spell it out for my family this year. What do I want? A day off, thank you very much. This year, I'm taking Mother's Day back. Here's what I will be doing ...
1. Not to be woken up. Chances are, Iâ€™ll be up well before 7, but I want to at least try.
2. Not to pick out clothes. I donâ€™t care what the children wear -- they can be mismatched, filthy, and stained, I just donâ€™t want anything to do with it.
3. Not to think about dinner. Itâ€™s one of the first things I think about every day and itâ€™s frequently greeted by yucks and ewwws. I need a day off.
4. Not to drive anywhere. Unless it's the spa. That I could deal with.
5. Not wipe a single nose or wipe crusty food off of a face.
6. Not to bathe the children. Itâ€™s my least favorite task, hands down.
7. Not to be in charge of bedtime. Yes, I want to snuggle with the kids. I will sing them my '80s medley of lullabies and maybe even read a book or two, but I donâ€™t want to deal with the million whines and calls long after I have tucked them in.
8. Not having to load/unload the dishwasher. Let's just use paper for the day, because I'm pretty sure nobody else in the house is capable of this one.
9. Not to play referee. Iâ€™ve never much enjoyed sports, anyway.
10. Not to wipe a single ass.
What do YOU want for Mother's Day?