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My son is a bully :( wwyd?

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:15 AM
  • 7 Replies
My son is almost 10 and always seemed like the kid who stuck up for others being bullied. There is a kid on his baseball team who he has known now for a couple of years in school and they were good friends. Well they barely talk to each other now and i didn't think anything of it.

The kids mom asked him why he doesn't talk to my son anymore. She came to me the other day and said that jaden (my son) and a couple of friends have been picking on him on the bus, calling him fat and making fun of him for playing with beyblades. I want to cry. I am soooo sad for this poor child and even more mortified that my son is the bully!

So I found out the other kids who were doing it, and it's my sons best friend who is in 5th grade (jaden is in 4th grade.) jaden literally follows and does everything this kid does. This kid hates Michael Jackson so my son does too now (he used to love MJ!!), this kid is "too old to play with toys" so my son asks me to not mention toys around his friend because he's embarrassed. Since when are 10 year old's too old to play with toys?!

This kid is also from a very bad family... His mothers ex husband was a huge leader in a drug gang and has been in jail for a long time. He had his son running the drug deals for him at 16 years old, which is my sons friends brother. He was murdered a couple of years ago, stabbed to death and thrown in a ditch and set on fire. 5 mins from where I live!! This kids mother looks like a drug addict, I don't mean to judge but first impressions are everything... So my son isn't allowed over his house at all!

My question.... How do I handle this?! Do I tell my son he can't play with this kid anymore? He's a bad influence apparently... How do I tell him he can't talk to him if they ride the bus together? Thanks for any advice.
Sorry it's so long...
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:15 AM
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by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:48 AM
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As a parent your job is to protect your child.  I would absolutely tell him that he can't play with this child anymore and I would contact the school transportation office and ensure they are not sitting together or anywhere near each other on the bus.  Also if you are able I would start taking him to the bus to ensure this does not continue to go on.  With the laws changing regarding bullying you need to make certain your son understands he could get in serious trouble for what he is doing with his friends.  JMO and is not intended to offend but this is the same stance I have taken with my daughter over some issues similar to this.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:41 AM

First of all, kudos to you for accepting the fact that your son may be the bully.  Not all parents are willing to accept that and would want to do something about it.  It sounds like your son is a good kid who is being influended very badly by a "friend".  He is likely being bullied into being the bully.  I would definitely help him to end this freindship and encourage him to reconnect with former friends or make new ones.  Sadly it sounds like this kid is on a bad path and you don't want your son to go down it with him.  To be blunt, your son could end up in jail or dead if he continues this friendship.  Encourage him to reconnect with old freinds that both of you like by inviting them over to your house whenever you can and including them in activities with you and your son.  Maybe go out for ice cream together after the baseball game or have them come over after school if you are home.

Talk to your son about why you want him to end this freindship. Tell him you know he is a good kid and you are concerned about his safety and future.  This may take several conversations with him, but it will be worth it.

Good luck with everything, I know this must be a very difficult situation. But you are doing the right thing by trying to make sure your son stays on the right path.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:51 AM

I agree with the previous posts.  I want to add a personal experience.  My boys started hanging out with a kid who was a trouble maker.  He was stealing and vandalizing.  I'm sorry but I didn't wear kid gloves in telling (yes telling not asking or convincing) my boys to end the friendship.  This is not my personality as I am very sensitive and usually really aware of my kids feelings about things.  But in this case- the child came from a family that either condoned his bad behavior or didnt care and I refused to see my kids go down that path with him.  As a matter of fact the last time he spent the night he stole $80 worth of stuff from my boys room.  So protect your son from the bad influence!  Tell him to find some friends that are worthy of his time and friendship.  Self esteem plays a role at this age.  Let him know he is better than that.  Good luck!!

by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:36 PM

Excellent way to state it!

Quoting luvmytwins2:

Let him know he is better than that. 

by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:47 PM

Just tell him he can't be around him. Make him appologize to the child he hurt and remove all his stuff till he can learn to be nice.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:47 PM

And I agree let him know he is better then that.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:49 AM

I think it's great that you are acknowledging that your son may be a bully. Not many parents would do that. Thank you! It gives me hope that not all parents would refuse to acknowledge this problem. My DD was bullied something fierce. So much so she considered suicide. So from a parents perspective of a bullied child. Thank you!

I agree with the other ladies. I would put an end to this friendship. That boy is from a scary family. I can't even begin to imagine what he has seen, what he's done and what he would or could do.I do not say that lightly either because I am a firm believer in not telling my children who they can or can't be friends with. Of course my children are older 20 and 14. I try to guide them and let them  choose but would most definitely step in if I seen the need to.

Good luck Momma!

Your DS does not need that kind of friend or influence.

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