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Tween Titans Tween Titans

The sex talk...

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 10:57 AM
  • 8 Replies

 My son is 11 years old and I know we have to start having the sex talk with him. I'm almost afraid because he gets embarrassed very easily and i want him to listen. Some of his friends are making out already!

How do you start a convo so he listens and doesn't act silly? He has a bunch of girls that likehim and I'm starting to get a little nervous.

teen boy

Thanks

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 10:57 AM
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Replies (1-8):
steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm hoping that you've had some talks with him already about his body, puberty, and hormones and such.  If not, you really need to start there.  Both of my boys have "The Boys Body Book" by Kelli Dunham that they read on their own and we also read together.

I typically try to have talks with my boys when the subject matter naturally comes up.  Like when they mention about a friend having a girl friend or a girl likes them, etc.  This way you know that you have their attention and that this subject is on their mind already anyway.  If you don't get an opportunity like this, you just have to start talking.  I've found the car to be a great place to talk because they can't walk away from you to avoid the talk.  Remember to be open and honest when talking, try to avoid using slang as well.  Also remember that this is a subject that needs to be discussed often.  Reinforce that you are always there to answer questions or to talk.

ldmrmom
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:18 AM

What have you talked about with him so far? I mean, have you had any sort of puberty's coming down the pike discussions? We began talking to DS when he was 8 1/2 and started telling us that on his birthday he'd be a "tween" according to some library program sign-up sheet he had come across. We opened the dialog by talking about how his body would be changing as he grew through those tween years and into his teens - things like growing hair in all sorts of new places, voice changing, shoulder and chest getting broader, etc.

A few months ago he was hearing things at school and a started asking questions. We had a high level sex talk in response to those questions. He's a very scientific kid so that became a good starting place. He already understood that children get some of their dna from their father and some from their mother. I used that info as a place to start and then told him how dad's dna got to mom. It's not a conversation we had planned on having at 9 years old but the kids joking around in a suggestive manner sort of took that decision away from us. :(

DS will be 10 this weekend. We've recently given him the book "The Boys Body Book" http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/boys-body-book-kelli-dunham/1100626322?ean=9781933662749

It's well-written in a comfortable kid friendly style. He reads it on his own and then asks questions as he feels ready to do so. Dh and I ask him from time to time if he's been reading and what he thinks of it. It's a non-threatening way to give him some info and let him ask on his own terms.

Just be clear with your son that there is nothing to be embrassed by if he has questions. It is not a comfortable talk but if you're acting embrassed, he's going to take that as he ought to be embrassed. practice the talk a few times on yoru own so you're ready to go in to it as matter of factly and comfortably as possible.

We were clear with DS that he can come to us with anything - and even if it's feeling a little nervous or embrassed, he can ask his questions.


KFarrington05
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:35 AM

We have been talking about his body and the changes that he will be seeing over the next few years. We bought him a Boys body book for Christmas that he read alone and I also read some to him and answered some questions.

We told him that he was to come to use with any questions that he may have. He said if he was embarrassed that he will write it and give it to us. {fine by me}

Thank you guys for the advice.

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 12:24 PM

I have a friend whose son is easily embarrassed, so they do a message system when he has questions.  He writes her/her husband a note and places it on their bed.  Then they read it and write him a reply back and place it on his bed.  She said that he keeps all of the notes in a box in his desk drawer, which I think is kinda cute.

styler7
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 1:11 PM
That's a neat idea. I would have preferred that as a kid. The talk my dad had with me was SO embarrassing!

Quoting steelcrazy:

I have a friend whose son is easily embarrassed, so they do a message system when he has questions.  He writes her/her husband a note and places it on their bed.  Then they read it and write him a reply back and place it on his bed.  She said that he keeps all of the notes in a box in his desk drawer, which I think is kinda cute.

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1plustwinsmommy
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Doing another activity while having the discussion helps. That way you don't feel the need to look at each other if he's easily embarrassed.
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fineyouguyswin
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 9:10 PM

Making out??!!! My son would have new friends holy cow. *passes out*

fineyouguyswin
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 9:11 PM

What a great idea

Quoting steelcrazy:

I have a friend whose son is easily embarrassed, so they do a message system when he has questions.  He writes her/her husband a note and places it on their bed.  Then they read it and write him a reply back and place it on his bed.  She said that he keeps all of the notes in a box in his desk drawer, which I think is kinda cute.


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