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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Does your husband/SO have friends that you don't really like?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 12:47 PM
  • 13 Replies

My husband has friends that he has known for years.  Some of them went to school together since elementary.  A couple of them went to school during college.  He still keeps in contact with them and hangs out with them once in awhile.  BUT...I have to say that I don't like many of them.  One has multiple DUIs and is a womanizer and one time talked about going on a cruise and had a target number for woman he was trying to sleep with.  Another one has cheated on his wife multiple times.  Several of them from work hang out together a lot and all they do is drink.  My husband does hang out with them here and there but there was a time when I didn't look forward to Fridays because that was when he was hanging out with them after work. 

Now, I know my husband is responsible for himself but I have always felt like he has never really had that positive peer influence so for years he was just doing what him and his friends were doing....mostly drinking without responsibility.  When he is with these guys, it's like he does what they do...as if it's too embarrassing to say, "No, I'm only going to have one."  It has affected our marriage to the point that I gave him the "alcohol or me" talk until we can establish some boundaries when it comes to alcohol.  He is seeing our marriage counselor by himself for now.  My husband hasn't had a drink in a couple of weeks but he also hasn't hung out with these guys during this time either.  When we meet families where the husband doesn't drink, my husband doesn't click with them very much.  It's like he only feels connection over a beer. 

Anyways, anytime I hear he is hanging out with one of these guys, my heart is heavy and then I don't know what to expect. 

Does your husband/SO have friends that seem to influence him?  Positively or negatively?

by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 12:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 2, 2012 at 1:12 PM

Definitely a huge YES.

psych_mom
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 2:14 PM
My husband hasn't really met any guy friends since moving here. When we go back to Nebraska and the guys come over it's video game time. I don't mind because I enjoy video games myself so he often wants me to stick around (although his sister thinks I should leave him to hang out with the guys only, but it isn't her choice, it's my husband's). He does have a beer or two, but usually stops at that. He understands how I feel about alcohol because of it tearing my family apart as a kid plus he found an ex gf dead from an alcohol related illness.

I hope that the marriage counseling helps your husband and that he learns that there are other ways to connect with one of the guys other than just beer.
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Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 2, 2012 at 3:08 PM


Quoting Barabell:

Definitely a huge YES.

OK, I answered the question in the title, and not the questions at the end. I don't think my husband is influenced by his friends. The way his friends act, I would not put up with it.

If anything, my husband has had a positive influence on a couple of his friends.

our3
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 4:00 PM

Nope. The only friends we have our the parents of DD's bff. We've hung out a couple times and we all do 4-H with our kids but thats about it. In the last 10 years neither of us have gone out with friends.

JMKristy
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 4:55 PM

My husband has friends it has taken me YEARS to grow to appreciate. Thankfully these friends don't sound like they are nearly as much of an issue as your hubbies friends! I don't necessarily think his friends influence his behavior. I have noticed though, that he acts differently around specific friends. For example, he has a friend who owns a reptile business... my husband is definitely NOT into reptiles. But when we are around that guy, he always shows interest in the animals. I think it's just kind of him being "supportive as a friend" LOL!

M4LG5
by Valeri on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:06 PM


Quoting JMKristy:

My husband has friends it has taken me YEARS to grow to appreciate. Thankfully these friends don't sound like they are nearly as much of an issue as your hubbies friends! I don't necessarily think his friends influence his behavior. I have noticed though, that he acts differently around specific friends. For example, he has a friend who owns a reptile business... my husband is definitely NOT into reptiles. But when we are around that guy, he always shows interest in the animals. I think it's just kind of him being "supportive as a friend" LOL!

He actually has ONE friend that I really like but between work, family, and coaching, they hardly get to hang out with each other.  This friend is the only one that is married and seems dedicated to his wife.  Now, only if we can hang out with them more!!!

The other ones....I just can't seem to appreciate. 

TempestRayne
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 5:25 PM
Not really. He has one female friend that I don't particularly care for, but not for any of these reasons.
SuperLooneyMom
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Same for my dh. He has a female friend thru scouts. They both like certain things , text and phone too much, and have long ass(Sorry for my language) lunches(2hours seriously). On his bday dinner he too busy texting her rather than noticing my new hair so and sitting next to him etc. I am jealous that he'd rather spend time with another female. His dad talked to him for me and my dh says there's nothing going on. With my dh being a divorcee from a cheating ex wife I want so much to believe him. And I should. But everytjme s comes around I have to be nosy cause I'm worried.

Otherwise his other friends are ok with me


Quoting TempestRayne:

Not really. He has one female friend that I don't particularly care for, but not for any of these reasons.

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Momchipomkids
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 5:58 PM

My husband's friends like to buy toys like dunebuggies and four wheelers and trucks and then trade or sell them.  I don't care what friends he has as long as he's not drinking and staying gone withthem. But he takes me with him to hang with them and I hate that.  I never take him to sit with me and anyone doing anything!!

auroragold
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 6:08 PM

He has friends that *I* prefer not to be around - just not my style.  As for bad influences - - no, just the opposite. DH seems to be the POSITIVE influence on some of the younger ones (those who give a shit if ya KWIM).


There have been a few folks who have come to our home for our big summer BBQ and I've asked (okay demanded) that they not be invited back.

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