Ideas please...I really don't know what to do (edit)

[hollydaze1974]

My son will be thirteen at the end of this month We are in a serious money crunch because I'm not cleared to work yet and we already can't make ends meet ( my father is keeping the house note current until I get disabilty or moving on the lawsuit or something. Now ya'll know the gifts get more expensive as those boys get older....games, robotic lego sets, even gift cards, I mean in order to get anything he'll have to have a 50 dollar certificate. He knows our situation. He's requested a very expensive item telling me that we wouldn't have to"get me anything else" This item is a three hundred dollar robotic lego set. Umm....so DH and I have been going round and round about two small sets or a game and an IOU for the robot if things get better? He's a great kid. He'll hide his disappointment, but still.....what is your take on this?
If you were in our position, how would you handle this? (Might I add that his lil bro will have his second birthday in August.....My father has bought him the tricycle I wanted to get him. His presents aren't as expensive so he would have a few from us....I so don't want my first born to feel slighted :-(
ETA: I talked to him about it yesterday, he totally gets the money is insanely tight. We were getting food and wandered to toys and he brings me a bionicle set and said he'd be pretty happy with that (20 something) I told him we may be able to swing that but to make be a list so I have a better idea of affordable alternatives. He hugs me and says "I would never knowingly put more stress on you. I get to spend the whole summer with you for the first time ever and that's a huge gift all by itself!" So we're good. Smaller is better. Thanks for all the advice, mamas

[littleacorn]

I would get a gift I could afford, even if it wasn't something he asked for, like a gift card to go to the movies with a buddy for like $20 or a Wreck This Journal, both GREAT gifts for kids that age.

[gravercem]

 I would give a gift you can afford, explain that you cant afford what he asked for.  We have had to do this with all our kids.  They dont ask for toys, but camping stuff, or science stuff.  He will understand, and learn that sometimes he wont be able to get what he wants.  We started a cap amount on what they want if its more than the cap, they will save their money to make up the difference.

[hollydaze1974]

I looked up the book! That's awesome. The only subject he has trouble with is Language Arts as he has trouble expressing himself with written word, accessing his creative side with something other than legos sounds perfect! Thanks for that!

Quoting littleacorn:

I would get a gift I could afford, even if it wasn't something he asked for, like a gift card to go to the movies with a buddy for like $20 or a Wreck This Journal, both GREAT gifts for kids that age.

[hollydaze1974]

We also cap for holidays, it's just a little bit of a bummer that the cap plummeted when I was hit by that, to put it as nicely as possible, that lovely woman who was texting and damaged my ability to take care of my family.

Quoting gravercem:

 I would give a gift you can afford, explain that you cant afford what he asked for.  We have had to do this with all our kids.  They dont ask for toys, but camping stuff, or science stuff.  He will understand, and learn that sometimes he wont be able to get what he wants.  We started a cap amount on what they want if its more than the cap, they will save their money to make up the difference.

[steelcrazy]

Hugs.  I know that it is hard to want to give your child what they really want and not be able to do it financially.  Your 13 year old sounds a lot like my 8 year old and it breaks my heart sometimes to know that he is disappointed yet trying to hide it.

I agree that this is a good life lesson for him, but it still sucks.  I'm sorry.  I wish I had some advice for ya.

[Barabell]

Do you have any pawn shops in your area? Can you trade in some stuff towards a game or electronics item that he might really want? (I'm thinking the item he's most interested in would be really hard to find used or pawned or on FreeCycle or on Craigslist.)

Another thing is I check Amazon.com for refurbished items a lot. I saved my son about $80 on his iPod Touch (which he saved up for and used birthday money towards) by shopping refurbished on Amazon.com. The items still have a warranty (even though I've never had an issue with any refurbished items from them), and you don't have to pay tax or shipping if it's over $25.

[Barabell]

Quoting steelcrazy:

Hugs.  I know that it is hard to want to give your child what they really want and not be able to do it financially. 

Same here. It's a hard lesson for us parents too. :(

[bookworm14]

Do only what you can comfortably afford to do. Maybe find some sort of free activity in the area you could take him to, so you can do something as a family. Along with a gift you can afford. I like the idea of seeing about selling things you or he may not need or use anymore. Beyond the birthday ideas, see if you can make an agreement with him to earn the money to pay towards this special set he wants. If he's able to do do things for neighbors, yardwork etc, that he can save money for. He may appreciate the set more too, if he pitched in for some of the cost. It may take him awhile to save it, but it teaches a good lesson too.

[psych_mom]

I would have a talk with him know and let him know that there is no way that you can realistically buy it, but that you can give him money to help him save up for it and I think in this case it wouldn't be rude to talk to other family members that you know wouldn't be offended and ask them to gift him money because there is something that he is really wanting that is more expensive. Close family members usually aren't offended and would rather do this than give toys that they aren't going to play with at this age anyways.

Very sorry to hear about your accident. That really sucks.

[bookluvnMomma]

If he is set on getting that one particular item, ask family members to give him money for his b-day instead of a gift. Then he can buy it himself. I wouldn't go broke to get him the gift he wants. If family members don't give gifts on birthdays, have him work for it. He will appreciate more if he buys it himself.