What to do with an 11-yr-old girl who wants to make accusations (repeating what her father has said about me) and not hear my responses?
Being a very logical person who openly discusses conflicts with the aim of resolution, I am now having a very hard time with my 11-yr-old daughter. I work from home and work 3 jobs now. I was laid off from a high-paying job 4 yrs ago and even my 3 jobs don't equal my old salary right now. She confronted me about spending more time with her so I explained to her that I just don't make the money I used to and that I do have to work more to earn money now. For the first time I actually went through some of the numbers trying to explain mathematically how even my 3 jobs don't equal the salary I used to earn. Then she says "You're just on Facebook ALL DAY LONG!" When I explain that yes, I do stop at Facebook during the day but I work for about 30 minutes then take a 2-3 minute break (whether its Facebook or the bathroom, whatever) then I go back to working, she just says "No you don't! I SEE you on there for 10 minutes at a time!" So I explain to her that the files I work on do an automatic "save" each time the data is updated (each "Save" shows the date and time). I tell her we can go look at the times and that she can see that no more than a few minutes passes between each update so she can see I'm NOT away for 10 minute intervals (unless its lunch time perhaps). I asked her "Would you like to see it for yourself?" She says "NO! Daddy and I *know* you do it! So its TWO against ONE!" (Her father and I have been split up for over 2 years and she spends every other weekend with him so clearly they discuss this amongst themselves). I said "Well, we can go look at the files i work on and then you'll see for yourself that it just simply isn't true." To which she replies "YES IT IS!"
So obviously, although I am trying to resolve her concerns using logic and proof, all she wants to do is believe what she has been told even though it is NOT the truth. I find this scenario coming up more and more especially as she gets older). Its no use speaking with her father about it because he has no "filter" when it comes to the topics he discusses with her meaning he thinks ALL topics are fine for a parent to speak to thier child about (for example, one day he thought it was important to let our then-8-yr-old know that her biological mother - his ex - used to have lots of boyfriends while they were married and how he once went to jail for writing a bad check. While I was appalled at his divulgence of this information to our daughter at such a young age he just said "What, its the truth! You want me to lie to her?" So he doesn't understand the concept of "Age appropriate" conversation.)
PLUS, one of the last things my daughter blurted out was "DADDY IS PERFECT!" This is the same man who has Child Protective Services called on him when she was 7-yr-old because he forced her to sit on a bucket (fully clothed) and then drink water until she peed in her pants! (I was out of the house working at the time and didn't know it has happened until I went to a school event a few days later and was confronted by the CPS worker who only THEN told me the story of what had happened)! The same man who verbally abuses her and who pulls her pants down to spank the crap out of her (when he feels she's been blatently out of line - I personally do not spank at all. I just can't bring myself to do it). But "DADDYS PERFECT" right?!!?
Argh, its SO frustrating. Thanks all for letting me vent. Now, any suggestions on how to approach my daughter when she becomes defiant and just wants to believe what she wants to believe even though I can prove her belief is inaccurate?