I'm not talking grandpa was old & sick- I'm talking their dad's cousin hung himself & didn't make it.
My 16yo knows what happened. My other 4 kids do not.
Jean (the cousin of my ex) was 22. He hung himself with a dog leash this past MOnday. The drs revived him 4 times. He was in a drug induced coma for 24 hours. The stopped the paralydic so that they could determine how much brain damage was done. As of Wed they were still running tests. As of Thursday they declared him brain dead. There was nothing more they could do other than keep him on life suport because he was an organ donor.
The worst part of all this is his 19 year old sister Lillie was the one put in charge of making all the decisions. Her mom made it to the hospital on Monday (according to my ex who was there) & she ended up saying it was too much for her & walked out. This is not the 1st time she has walked out on the kids. She married their stepdad (my ex's uncle) & walked out on all 3 of them (the uncle & kids) even after he had saved her & the kids from an abusive relationship. Through the divorce the courts granted him custody of the kids (I don't know all the legistics I just know he got custody).
So my point is- how do I attempt to tell the kids their cousin is gone? We really only saw him once a year (at Christmas) so we were that close but they do know who he is. When I told them their dad may not be able to spend time with them on Tuesday (his day off) they asked why & all I said was there were some family issues he had to deal with (which might be true if there is a funeral).
I'm sorry for such a tragic loss. I have not been in your situation, but I'm pretty blunt and straightforward with my son. If I was in your place, I would probably be concise and direct about his death. I would probably only talk about what aspects I would think my kids could handle based on their maturity level too.
I agree with the PP. Also, be sure to emphasize the positives-- their dad is helping his family, this young man could be helping others as an organ donor.
Depending on the age of your other kids, I'd offer the suicide details sparingly. But the 16-year-old... it might be important to talk about why a person would choose suicide and what it means. S/he might not be inclined to copy this relative, but might want to know more about what led to this turn of events.
My DH's coworker hung himself last Nov. We saw everyone several times a year and our kids are around the same age. My DS is only 3, so he's oblivious to stuff like this. My DD was 8 at the time. I was very honest with her. I explained that some people have a hard time with things going on in their lives. From their point of view, killing themselves is the only escape. I allowed her to ask questions and answered them the best that I could. If I didn't know, I told her that.
Depends how old your kids are. I would tell them he was sick, but not a "sick" you could see, but had a sick in his heart. And the doctors tried really hard to help save him but they couldn't. I wouldn't go the suicide route if they are little, it will just confuse them.
For the teenager it's an opportunity to talk about suicide and what can lead to that and have an open honest discussion.
Again, I'm sorry for your family's loss.
Vacation trip
- CampClan
on Sep. 1, 2012 at 12:02 PM