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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Discussing break-ups

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 10:57 AM
  • 8 Replies

My sister-in-law was dating a really great guy, but he decided that their relationship could not continue. It was devastating for both of them to an extent (he didn't want to hurt her feelings). My kids haven't seen their aunt since-- she decided to visit out-of-state relatives this weekend, and we had made other plans as well. 

I told my kids that "Dave" isn't going to be at family parties anymore and to not ask "Aunt Marie" about him. There is a chance that they could get back together.... but I'm not sharing that part with my kids. My boys really liked this guy, and he liked all of my children, nieces, and nephews too. 

Have you had to deal with something like this? Is there anything I should add to the discussion? My oldest still has no interest in girls or dating, but how might I teach him what "breaking up" is about? (Note: he does not interact with divorced people, so that might skew his understanding.)

by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 10:57 AM
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psych_mom
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I would just let him know that sometimes a person may not want to continue a relationship for one reason or another so they decide to end it. It can be painful emotionally, but it is also a way to grow as a person and to learn about others.
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auroragold
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 6:41 AM

^ that ^

M4LG5
by Valeri on Sep. 5, 2012 at 11:06 AM


Quoting psych_mom:

I would just let him know that sometimes a person may not want to continue a relationship for one reason or another so they decide to end it. It can be painful emotionally, but it is also a way to grow as a person and to learn about others.

This is good.  I had to do what you did with my sister and her boyfriend.  My girls really liked my sister's boyfriend.  He was very funny.  He has a daughter that they really like also.  The negatives are that he is an alcoholic and has anger problems. 

TempestRayne
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 11:09 AM

Hmmm, no idea.

MissyB1011
by Member on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:43 PM

We've had this issue with my SIL and her daughter except that it's several times a year. It was hard to explain why the latest flavor of the month wasn't around anymore. Because of those behaviors (in addition to some other things), we had to limit those 2 being around our kiddos. They are also not allowed to call the significant others by "Uncle". That is reserved for my 2 brothers.

We've explained to the kids that some people decide that they don't want to date anymore. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It just means they don't agree on things anymore, so they are going to not date and possibly find someone who likes the same stuff as them.

wakymom
by Silver Member on Sep. 5, 2012 at 3:39 PM

When my bff and her bf of 6 yrs broke up, I simply told my kids that they were not together anymore, so "A" wouldn't be around anymore. They have friends who have single parents, so it wasn't a big deal to them.

My bff is seeing someone new now, and I'm doing my best to hold off on my kids meeting him until they've been together longer and things look long-term.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wenchmommy381
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 6:31 PM


Quoting MissyB1011:

We've had this issue with my SIL and her daughter except that it's several times a year. It was hard to explain why the latest flavor of the month wasn't around anymore. Because of those behaviors (in addition to some other things), we had to limit those 2 being around our kiddos. They are also not allowed to call the significant others by "Uncle". That is reserved for my 2 brothers.

We've explained to the kids that some people decide that they don't want to date anymore. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It just means they don't agree on things anymore, so they are going to not date and possibly find someone who likes the same stuff as them.

I totally agree with you on the "uncle" thing. That is reserved for male relatives only, by blood and marriage. I might refer to my friends as my kids' 'aunties,' but they don't even call them that.

There's a possibility that I'm more upset than the kids are. I know how much my SIL wants to get married, and we were very sure that this guy was "the One." She doesn't date a new guy every month-- she had even signed up for CatholicMatch.com because she is looking to get married.

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MissyB1011
by Member on Sep. 5, 2012 at 10:45 PM


Quoting wenchmommy381:


Quoting MissyB1011:

We've had this issue with my SIL and her daughter except that it's several times a year. It was hard to explain why the latest flavor of the month wasn't around anymore. Because of those behaviors (in addition to some other things), we had to limit those 2 being around our kiddos. They are also not allowed to call the significant others by "Uncle". That is reserved for my 2 brothers.

We've explained to the kids that some people decide that they don't want to date anymore. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It just means they don't agree on things anymore, so they are going to not date and possibly find someone who likes the same stuff as them.

I totally agree with you on the "uncle" thing. That is reserved for male relatives only, by blood and marriage. I might refer to my friends as my kids' 'aunties,' but they don't even call them that.

There's a possibility that I'm more upset than the kids are. I know how much my SIL wants to get married, and we were very sure that this guy was "the One." She doesn't date a new guy every month-- she had even signed up for CatholicMatch.com because she is looking to get married.

My uncle was like that when we were kids. He had this absolutely fabulous girlfriend that we all loved. They were together for years! I didn't even know his first wife. They divorced before I was even born. Anyway, one day this gal just wasn't around anymore. The worst thing my family did (it's just their habit) was to keep everything hush, hush. Definitely talk to your kids and keep the lines of communication open. You can limit the info so that it's age appropriate. Definitely let them know that if they have questions, they should come to you rather than your SIL or anyone else.

Hope everything works out for your SIL!

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