The tween years are tough. Your 'babies' are growing up fast and it's just as hard for them as it is for you. Get through the preteens with advice from moms who've been there!
We've collected the BEST answers to all your tween questions, gathered from the experiences and opinions of moms like you. Find them right here!
The Birds & The Bees:
Preteen Body Changes:
- How can I talk to my daughter about changes to her body?
- How can I talk to my son about changes to his body?
- How should I prepare my tween for puberty?
- How can I help my tween who's developing early?
- How can I help my tween who's slow to develop?
Starting Menstruation:
Preteens & Sexual Health:
Preteens & Hygiene:
- When is it okay for my daughter to start shaving?
- When should my son start shaving?
- When should my tween start wearing deodorant?
Preteen Acne:
Emotional Health in Preteens:
Preteens & Appearance:
Find more advice for moms, from CafeMoms here:
I am new to Cafe Mom so I am not sure I am even suppose to post this here but I need help! I have a daughter who is 12 and is really starting to change. I did not have a good relationship with my mother growing up. I do not want history to repeat itself. So I def have a huge fear that this change is the beginning of the end , so to speak. Although, I know what she is going through is totally normal I have no idea how to handle it or what she needs from me. She has started to push me away and most times I can't win no matter what I do. I want my daughter to know that I an here for her and how much I love her. I try to help her with the new things she is experiencing by talking to her but I think in my trying to help I am making the situation worse. She is more on the shy side and usually does not want to talk to about things. What do I do? How much space do I give? I guess I am afraid that because she is so shy she will not come to me or my husband so we can help her/be there for her. The last thing I want her to feel is alone or like we are not on her side, like I used to growing up.......
Quoting ValMR:I am new to Cafe Mom so I am not sure I am even suppose to post this here but I need help! I have a daughter who is 12 and is really starting to change. I did not have a good relationship with my mother growing up. I do not want history to repeat itself. So I def have a huge fear that this change is the beginning of the end , so to speak. Although, I know what she is going through is totally normal I have no idea how to handle it or what she needs from me. She has started to push me away and most times I can't win no matter what I do. I want my daughter to know that I an here for her and how much I love her. I try to help her with the new things she is experiencing by talking to her but I think in my trying to help I am making the situation worse. She is more on the shy side and usually does not want to talk to about things. What do I do? How much space do I give? I guess I am afraid that because she is so shy she will not come to me or my husband so we can help her/be there for her. The last thing I want her to feel is alone or like we are not on her side, like I used to growing up.......
I think you should make an effort to approach her. Even though she's shy, she still needs someone to talk to.
If you are talking about the hormones and bodily changes she's going through, maybe giving her a book or two might help?
Thank you for your reply. I have tried talking to her but she usually walks away bc she is to shy to talk about it. I thought about getting a notebook for her to write in. She loves to write and I thought it might be easier for her to express herself that way. Then she can give it to me and I can respond in there. I know talking face to face makes her uncomfortable. So I am trying to think of dif ways to communicate with her that will work for her.
Quoting ValMR:Thank you for your reply. I have tried talking to her but she usually walks away bc she is to shy to talk about it. I thought about getting a notebook for her to write in. She loves to write and I thought it might be easier for her to express herself that way. Then she can give it to me and I can respond in there. I know talking face to face makes her uncomfortable. So I am trying to think of dif ways to communicate with her that will work for her.
I think the notebook is a WONDERFUL idea. Let me know how it works if you decide to use it.
Quoting ValMR:Thank you for your reply. I have tried talking to her but she usually walks away bc she is to shy to talk about it. I thought about getting a notebook for her to write in. She loves to write and I thought it might be easier for her to express herself that way. Then she can give it to me and I can respond in there. I know talking face to face makes her uncomfortable. So I am trying to think of dif ways to communicate with her that will work for her.
I think that is a great idea too. Is she artistic? Maybe expressing herself through drawing or crafts could help too? She might enjoy classes like those, and maybe you could do them together.
Another suggestion comes from a friend of mine. She found it was easier for her son to open up at bedtime after turning out the bedroom lights. Maybe a routine setting where her face isn't as visible would make her more comfortable? (Edit, I wasn't talking to my friend about your post. We were talking about our kids opening up, and that is what she found to work well with her son.)
Do you have a visible chore list? If not maybe make one and hang it on the fridge or a central location. Remind her ONCE a day to get started on her chores. If chores aren't completed, then no TV, Computer, Phone, playing, etc. As far as laying her outfit out the night before, if that's not done, she can pick it out in the morning. But give her a time to be at the breakfast table completely dressed. If not, then she goes to school in what she has on. No if, ands or buts about it. Maybe that will make her aware of time management.
Have you had her hearing tested? Maybe she does have a hearing problem. So have it checked. If she is fine with her hearing then maybe she is a visual person. So post list of chores, etc. And remind her once. Give consequences for not doing them. And follow though on the consequences.
My boys do their chores after homework, which is done as soon as they get in the door from school. Of course they are allowed to use the restroom and grab a light snack. Once homework is complete, they do chores until dinner time. After dinner, they finish what needs done, then they have free time. Otherwise no free time. Free-time is TV, computer, playing in rooms, having friends over, etc.
Quoting iamsunflower:
How do I get my tween daughter to be more independent and to think for herself and stop depending on mom. It's extremely frustrating with little things that she knows she must do like chores and preparing her clothes for the next day. I'll have conversations where we are sitting face to face and to me she doesn't hear a word I say. For example she asked for a sleep over and my response was to show me you can help keep the house clean with your chores and you can have a sleep over. she said but i'll for a sleep over and you won't let me, she never acknowledged the part about her chores. Or she wants to decorate the house for Halloween we get items from the dollar tree but she has yet to start decorating.
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Social media for tweens
- Cafe Kristin
on Sep. 18, 2012 at 4:52 PM