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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Moms who WANT their DD's to be "Popular"

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM
  • 12 Replies

Ok, so why are there moms out there who encourage their tween daughters to be popular?  Or use that word so much like they are tweens themselves?  Does anyone out there think it's because THEY wanted to be popular when they were younger?  I can see how we live through our children's lives vicariously to SOME degree, but when is it taking it too far?  My DD has a lot of friends, boys like her and she shares this with me.  I LISTEN.  Or try to give the best advice possible from a MATURE perspective.  But we focus on grades, being respectful, not feeling like anyone owes us anything, and how to make a difference in this world.  I have seen way too many moms out there that act this way and it's just awful.  Thoughts?

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
psych_mom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:25 PM

My dd has lots of friends, but I have taught her to be nice and respectful to everyone, because of her kindness to all she is popular. People gravitate to her personality although she is shy and is not one to put herself out there. I never wanted her to be popular, nor did I encourage it. She is who she is, and has the biggest heart and that is not something that I would change.

psych_mom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:28 PM

Oh, as for parents that live through their children, I do think that some parents have forgotten that they have grown up and are adults and need to act like it. I think giving advice and being there for our kids is important, but acting like our kids (social life wise) is not right. We need to set an example and not try to be the popular parents but the parents that teach our kids the proper way to be adults.

gr8d8n3mom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:42 PM

I never understood parents who "lived" thru their kids or encouraged their kids to "be popular".  I just let my girls do what sports or activities they wanted, and stood behind them.

My DH's X pushes the skds into things they don't want, and with the youngest she started letting her wear make up at 12 yrs old, the tight clothes, and now in high school, tho she is only 13 she talked ysd into being on flag & dance. YSD is bossy, thinks the world revolves around her, and thinks when she says something everyone should just jump! The X is one of these ppl that brags about the skds (don't we all brag about our kids.. sure) but BM takes it to a level of untruthfulness. For ex. she says OSD got the highest score on her SAT's in her whole class, when in reality OSD got the highest pre-sat score in her class in 11 th grade. She told DH that YSD made the flag & dance team, and well she did, but as an alternate. Not as a regular member and sat out practially the whole football season.  I don't get it either.

jphil77
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:45 PM

I totally agree.  My DD happens to be one of those kids other kids are drawn to.  It's been good and bad.  Bc she attracts all different kinds of kids, she attracts the jealous, catty ones also and is not mean spirited so it took her a while to learn to stay away from the mean ones.  Her best friend from elementary school happened to have a mom like that.  And bc she wanted her DD to be "popular"and in the mean girl crowd, they are no longer friends.  This mom even allows her oldest daughter's boyfriend (she's only 14) to spend the night.  So, I had issues anyway.  Glad they are no longer friends. Saves me having to tell my DD that it's just plain out wrong for parents to be that way.

jphil77
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:47 PM

That's concerning for that fact that this mother lies and obviously the kids know it.  That is sending a horrible message to her kids.  Shame on her.

psych_mom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:49 PM
If my dd starting hanging out with mean or catty girls, I'm like you and would step in as well. She seems to be very good at avoiding them thus far.

Quoting jphil77:

I totally agree.  My DD happens to be one of those kids other kids are drawn to.  It's been good and bad.  Bc she attracts all different kinds of kids, she attracts the jealous, catty ones also and is not mean spirited so it took her a while to learn to stay away from the mean ones.  Her best friend from elementary school happened to have a mom like that.  And bc she wanted her DD to be "popular"and in the mean girl crowd, they are no longer friends.  This mom even allows her oldest daughter's boyfriend (she's only 14) to spend the night.  So, I had issues anyway.  Glad they are no longer friends. Saves me having to tell my DD that it's just plain out wrong for parents to be that way.

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Barabell
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:43 AM

I don't have a daughter, but we value happiness in our house over popularity. When my son first started school, he was concerned because so-and-so didn't like him. My response was, "So what? Did you like all the kids in your class?" Him, "No." Me, "Then you can expect all of them to like you either. Instead of wasting your time getting that kid to like you, instead work on the friendships with the kids that you like and that like you."

Lorena
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:56 AM
I have both girls and boys they go out for what ever sport they want. We teach them to be kind and respectful of everyone. Yes, my boys are popular because they are on the football team, wresting team, and one is also on the track team. My dd hIas lots of friends because she is kind hearted and is a people person and loves to be in the spot light. My skids are shy and not as nice to everyone. Bm did not teach them good manners. We are working on that.

I do not see how someone would want to live though there kids. I love watching them shine in there own light and becoming who they were meant to be not who I want them to be. Bm doesn't allow skids to do what they want only what she wants them to do.
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wenchmommy381
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:13 PM

I do want my son to have friends (but I've met the kids in his class... now it's not such a priority to me). But I don't want him to be a doormat in order to have them. And I hope they are friends born of genuine compatibility, not convenience (the grade school teachers encourage the kids to think of all of their classmates as friends). 

M4LG5
by Valeri on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I encourage my girls to be inclusive with people.  If there is someone that looks like they need a friend, invite them to hang out with them.  If there is someone that is getting teased, help him/her.  If the rules of the games limit people, figure out a way to include anyone that wants to play.    I know they are not going to be liked by everyone but I want them to be nice to everyone.

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