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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Mid life crisis???

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:53 PM
  • 7 Replies
Ok so this isn't kid related but need input.

My dh is 42, and seems to be questioning our love part of our marriage. Like he wants intimacy more and wants this and that. Without getting into too much tmi I am wondering if other couples are dealing with this. My dh thinks of intimate things way too often and I have to intimate drive. I somehow cannot be all romantic like he wants or be wishy washy. I don't kiss in public and I have issues with people touching me. Yes even kids and hubby at times. And I always want to make my hubby happy but I don't change. I'd rather like the routine and he doesn't. Why does showing love for one another have to be physical or show off . I love him so much but I shouldn't have to change too much. But I don't want to loose my love. He admits to looking at girls(all) and their intimate parts. I don't look at guys. I don't need to. I'd feel dirty and gross. He reads smut and gets mad when I'm always tired.

I don't think we are ready for couples counseling but maybe going that way.

Thanks for listening
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:53 PM
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Replies (1-7):
psych_mom
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:02 PM

Sounds like you two are at different places in your marriage and he is wanting something that you are not comfortable with. Maybe there are some younger guys are work that have been bragging that have gotten to him or maybe he is feeling old and is worried that he is losing his "mojo". You shouldn't have to change but you are both going to have to compromise in this situation. He doesn't need to be checking out other women because that is going to start making you feel insecure- it seems like he is doing this a lot with the magazines and out in public and I would venture to say that soon it will turn to pornos and things like that. It does sound as if marriage counseling may be a benefit- it would be better to deal with the situation before it gets worse. If you can see that it is headed in that direction, why wait until you are all the way there? 

1Redapple
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:11 PM

I've been married to one man for 26 years.  It is painful that he is the one of us who doesn't like to touch and we haven't had sex in at least a month.  He's only 44 and I'm 43.  We dealt with pornography for a long time and solved that issue with God's help.  Can you each give in half way?  Make a schedual if you have to and when it's time to get together, take a shower and wake up.  I used to do that when our boys were little and I was bushed.  It's the dang roller coaster of life that hopefully will last till death do we part. 

SuperLooneyMom
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:59 PM
Thanks girls. I'm working on it for my part. I just don't want to make it like its a chore to be intimate. I do want to make him happy but does doing what he want more important.

I'll try . My feelings were deeply hurt by my dh but I'm coming arround
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MiriRose923
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:36 PM

 This sounds tough... it might be a good idea to consider marriage counseling to address these issues so things don't get worse. Would your hubby be open to that?

wenchmommy381
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:40 PM

I've been telling a friend of mine that has had trouble since her best friend passed away, "Fake it 'til you make it."

That applies here too-- not to put too fine a point on it. If he has a sore ego, and you don't play nurse, he could find someone else who will. Are your hangups worth the potential damage?

I'm not saying you should be his sex slave-- just be there for him a little bit. It doesn't even have to be sex.

Quoting SuperLooneyMom:

Thanks girls. I'm working on it for my part. I just don't want to make it like its a chore to be intimate. I do want to make him happy but does doing what he want more important.

I'll try . My feelings were deeply hurt by my dh but I'm coming arround


Wenchmommy381, International Wenches Guild

"I know that something very strange Is happening to my brain.
I'm either feeling very good Or else I am insane.
The seeds of doubt you planted Have started to grow wild
And I feel that I must yield before The wisdom of a child.
And it's love you bring,
No, that I can't deny
With your wings,
I can learn to fly,
Sweet young thing."
--M Nesmith
TempestRayne
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 5:05 PM
Compromise. If you step up a bit, he should back off a bit.
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Rogue35
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 6:30 PM
Hugs I know you will work through it.
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