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Stepdad and tween daughter troubles

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I'm 44 and have a daughter who is on the verge of 13 (in January).  In my opinion she is a really really good kid.  She is very artistic and pretty much to herself.  She occupies her time by drawing, sculpting, etc.  She makes very good grades in school, she does her chores without being asked, and is about as obedient as any parent could ask for.  My husband (who is her step dad) feels as though she is spoiled (by me) because I might buy her a treat if we are out.  He feels that she doesn't do her chores as well as she should.  He expects her to do her chores as an adult would.  I have already raised my son who is now 24 and he turned out pretty good and my husband agrees with that.  So my daughter asked for 3 things for Christmas this year, black and grey jeans, $ to purchase a computerized tablet and the guitar hero game and guitar.  I really wasn't expecting so little from her, but that is all she asked for.  My husband feels that letting her have the tablet for Christmas would be a mistake.  He feels that she is too introverted and needs to be more extroverted.  She does spend a lot of time in her room but I think it's because she wants to keep away from my husband.  Some of the other things he does is:

1.  He expects her to eat everything on her plate after he piles tons of food on her plate and expects her to eat foods she doesn't like.

2.  He expects her not to ask for anything when we go to the store.

3.  He is on to her about EVERYTHING.

I am currently on chemotherapy and he feels she needs to step up and cook her own dinner.  I have never expected her to cook her own meals.  She does help me from time to time preparing meals, but she really has no experience cooking and I do not feel comfortable allowing her to prepare meals on her own.  She has been helping me as much as she can, however I do not expect her to do everything.

Anyway, if anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated.  I love both of them very much, but lately I feel as though he is pushing me away from him by attacking everything my daughter does.


by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:12 PM
Replies (21-22):
sbernys
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:55 AM

Well I wanted to let all of you know that we had a discussion about things and he is going to comprimise with me on getting the tablet for my daughter.  I'm very happy and pleased that he has changed his tune.  

Thanks for all of the advice and input.  I truly appreciate it.

embrigmom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:24 AM

Glad to hear you guys talked. Step-daughter/step-father realtionships can be tricky. And depending on how long he's been in her life and when he came in can play a big role in how they work. For example my step-father came into my life when I was a teen, he deffered to my mother a lot if I asked him stuff (like for permission for stuff). But he did play the Dad role when it came to meeting boyfriends and teaching me to drive. He's a wonderful man and I think of him as my father, and he introduces me as his daughter.

My DH is stepfather to my DD (10) we started dating just before she turned 5 so he has been in her life for half her life now. She calls him Daddy but that was her choice. He is wonderful to her and has taken on the role of father to her. They have a wonderful realtionship, but he and I are very much on the same page when it comes to parenting.

I know you said something about having them talk to a counsler and that may be a good idea. They are both dealing with the fact that you are under going chemo, and they may need help knowing how to talk to each other.

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