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Do you change the way you answered me please?

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:26 PM
  • 9 Replies

Is what my DH and I came up w/ to counter act our almost 13 yo DDs' sarcasm, attitude, eye rolling, etc when answering a question regardless of what and how it is being asked by us. She attempts to answer in the same condescending way and then looks at us like we have two heads! We decided it was time to have a serious down to earth family chat about her attitude becoming a teen, the changes that are and are not acceptable along w/ the consequences and of course, why it is so important to lose the attitude. Her blossoming new habit as to how she was answering us, was on the top of our list when we sat down. Now, she understands the connotation behind, "do you want to change the way you answered me"?, and immediately re answers the question in a normal manner. It helps her to identify the attitude, as she had stated she didn't even realize it 1/2 the time. It has really helped our communication all around as a family, even towards her little brother and sister in which was/remains a constant struggle for her. As our children change and grow, I am finding that we as parents need to develop the skills and understanding that the bounderies we set along w/ the consequences need to equally evolve and develop. What worked two yrs ago, will not necessarily work today. Hopefully, this may help some one else dealing w/ the same problem.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:26 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Valeri on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:30 PM

With our girls, I am giving them 1 chance to change the way they responded.  If not, they lose privileges.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:32 PM
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I ask mine once "do you want to try that again?" and if he can't get it right after that he's grounded. I always tell him that he can say whatever he needs to say to me, be honest, but he must say it respectfully. I can't stand that snarly attitude stuff!
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by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:22 PM

I am starting to adapt this with my children as well.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:57 PM

I've done this with all my kids (and my youngest son is 4!). Sarcasm is the song of my people, so it's hard to blame them for trying to speak that way. But condescension is not permitted. They should be okay as they get older. 

I remember as a kid getting into the habit of saying "freaking" a lot. I was using it in front of my dad, and he said that it was just as bad as cursing. I stopped that moment. 

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:38 AM

My kids are 9 and 12 and we started telling them last year, that soon a lot of changes in their bodies will happen, including hormones.  Hormones, sometimes causes our reactions to be "misinterpretted" and they need to be aware of that.  It seems to be working well with my son (12) and some gentle reminding with my daughter works for the most part.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:45 AM

We have recently started this too! I remember these times and remember just being MAD at the world for no apparent reason. I was just on edge. I feel like with all of the hormones kids experience it is an eye opener for them to see the way they are talking to us and need to correct themselves. My DD knows that if I I ask for her "is that the way  you want to ask me?" she'd better change her tune real quick!

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 2:18 PM

 that's something to think over. My 11 y/o doesn't seem to 'get that either, and it seems like she's ALWAYS grounded for attitude.

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 2:23 PM
Im saying excuse me and the attitude changes
Or i stare at them and they retrack

Have the talk on e in awhile to remind them they are changing and s will their attitudes
That the kids they are at the moment will disappear and they will become different people as they get older.
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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:38 PM
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I like how you had a meeting to discuss this with your daughter. This is something we do often with our boys. And if they do have an attitude we remind them of being respectful.

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