Parenting advice needed - DD will not stop taking my things
I need parenting advice and I'm not entirely sure where to look for it so I thought I would try here!
My DD is 11 (12 in 3 weeks). She has what I would call mild ADHD and Bipolar NOS that is relatively under control. She does seem to have problems with impulsiveness BUT she is very bright and definitely knows right from wrong. However, she is very difficult to punish. Most punishments she just will not accept. For example...if they are house based like being sent to her room, she just won't go. Also, if I tell her to stay out of an area she might for an hour or two but she finds a way back in (in the case of my bathroom, it has two doors). Consequences where she needs me to do something for her are better because she has to respect them or she doesn't get what she wants but they are not fool proof.
kid is constantly taking my things. While it does drive me nuts there
are other issues. For example, she took my blow dryer to her bathroom to
use without asking. I found it plugged in and sitting in the sink.
While it does have a shut off thing if it gets wet, its obviously still
not a great idea to put it in the sink, especially when DD is the kind
of person who would totally run water over it without even thinking. So
safety is a concern. Another issue is the expense. DD will go through
half a bottle of something OR make a huge mess. I'm stuck with the cost
of replacing the item and replacing/fixing whatever she damages. It
isn't like I tell her no constantly but she feels that I do. If she had
simply asked me to use the blow dryer I would have said yes but she
would have needed to use it in my bathroom. DD is definitely in the
do-it-now and ask-for-forgiveness-later mindset. It is driving me up the
wall. I know it's petty but when I'm in the shower and I go to deep
condition my hair with expensive oil and it isn't there...I get mad. If
she had asked for the oil I would have said no but reminded her that she
has plenty of hair products of her own and could save her allowance if
she really wanted some but the ironic part is that her hair doesn't need
So this is what I need help with...how do I establish limits when it comes to her taking my things? AND if she doesn't respect those limits what do I do next? I feel like I've tried everything but maybe I'm missing something. I probably could have skipped right to asking that but I think I needed a small vent....
Edited to add: DD is my SD. I've raised her for a decade so I don't feel that way but when puberty hit she sees me as less than her mom. This stuff COULD be related to that, I suppose.