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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Cell phones...what are your rules?

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:04 PM
  • 38 Replies

Do you give your children cell phones? What about an i-phone? My sd has an i-phone 4s with unlimited everything. She keeps a lock on it and is not monitored with her downloads or communications with any of her friends. She is also aloud to use it anytime night or day....school included. It is also connected to her facebook account.

Would you allow this for any of your children?

BTW......did I mention she just turned 12????

If she were mine, I wouldnt allow it. But she lives with her mom and she is the one who did it. And daddy just doesnt want the fight...lol. Im not getting involved in that one.


by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
joshlor2
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:08 PM
In my opinion that's a big hell NO. First of all no 12 year old needs a Facebook and everything should be monitored.
My son is 11 and will be getting dads old iPhone when my DH upgrades. However it won't have a data plan. So he will only be able to use the Internet at home or school and both places have restrictions on websites. No YouTube and the like. He also won't have it at school DURING school, only after. The phone will charge downstairs at night. So after bedtime it will be downstairs where I will have access to it. He can have a lock on it BUT we have to have the password.
Unrestricted everything is asking or trouble.
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housemommyto2
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:12 PM


Quoting joshlor2:

In my opinion that's a big hell NO.I agree! First of all no 12 year old needs a Facebook and everything should be monitored.
My son is 11 and will be getting dads old iPhone when my DH upgrades. However it won't have a data plan. So he will only be able to use the Internet at home or school and both places have restrictions on websites. No YouTube and the like. She has a YouTube account too.He also won't have it at school DURING school, only after. The phone will charge downstairs at night.She charges it in the plug next to her bed.  So after bedtime it will be downstairs where I will have access to it. He can have a lock on it BUT we have to have the password.
Unrestricted everything is asking or trouble.Forgot to mention she keeps the phone on silence so we cant know what she is up to.


wenchmommy381
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:13 PM

My children are not away from me enough to require cell phones.

coolmommy2x
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:14 PM
DS has a phone with unlimited talk and text. I see no need for a smartphone although he really wants one. He hardly uses the phone.
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psych_mom
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:15 PM
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My kids will not have phones until the can pay for it themselves and even then I'll still monitor it. There's no way I'd let my kid have free reign of something like that with all that could happen or go wrong.
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wenchmommy381
by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:26 PM

Devil's advocate here....

What makes you think she's up to no good? If this is the case, why haven't you taken the phone to show her bio mom and your husband?

And if you won't get involved, why complain?

Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:32 PM

My son has restricted talk but unlimited texting on his phone. He doesn't use it that often. It's more for him to contact us when out with friends or sport activities. He mainly uses the home phone or Xbox Live to talk to friends.

SahmTam
by Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:58 PM

 None of my kids have phones. They are 12, 8, and 7. I only have a TracFone, which I hardly ever use. We just aren't big callers or texters. I am considering letting my oldest have a TracFone or similar cheap phone as band and some other after school activities are starting up after the new year and it's nice if he can reach me if they end early or a problem comes up.

I would never allow them free reign like that- it's just asking for trouble.

kmrtigger
by Kandice on Dec. 26, 2012 at 8:24 PM

My 11 year has had an iphone 4 since last Christmas. He wanted an Apple Ipad. And the phone seemed like a better solution on account of the vacations they take with their grandfather. We have a password, so he has to ask for us to enter it before he can download anything. Which means we approve the downloads. If it's an app that cost, he has to purchase a card to put money into the app store. Since it is more cost effective to the plan we have, his is also included in the unlimited everything.

It is to stay in his back pack in his locker while at school. It can come out on the bus to check for a text or call from us. At home he can use it until bed time.

He does have a face book account that he made while at a friend's house. But he told me about it and handed over his password, along with his Gmail password for his email he needed for school. I went onto his FB and put up all sorts of privacy locks on it. I also check it weekly. I trust my son, and have taught him Internet safety rules.  He is aware of what is and isn't allowed to be done on his phone or the computer. We laid down rules very early on.

Roo1234
by Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:09 AM
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Our 12 yo daughter and our 10 yo son (who shares with his 7 yobrother) both  have a smartphone.  They may lock it, but I have to know the code.  She has facebook account, but again I have the password and monitor it as I see fit.  (I should add that she is allowed the facebook account because we will be moving in about 7 months and I wanted to make sure that she would be able to establish connections with her friends before leaving) Currently at bed time the phones are left to charge in the kitchen.

Frankly, I trust my kids and really haven't seen any reasons to over monitor.  I worry more about them trying to be silly and annoying others than I do because of any sense of meaness or fear that they lack judgement.  They ask my permission to download anything to the phones or to visit new websites/apps. They all have email accounts (including the 7yo son) so that they can easily correspond with their grandparents and cousins)  They also have a skype account to video chat with the dad who is currently living and working in another city and we won't be joining him until next summer.

Interestingly, the only thing I've ever had a parent tell me (behaviorwise) was that my daughter did an amazing thing for her daughter on facebook.  The kids around her do a "truth is" post where if you like a specifc post the original poster will then put a compliment on your wall. At first I was really worried it would get ugly, but it never has amoung the kids my daughter knos.  It is actually rather neat.   Anyway, a lot of the kids will often be "you seem nice, etc." but my daughter apparently gives very specific compliments and one day I ran into a mom of one of her friends and she told me that my daughter's very specific compliments came at a time when her daughter was really struggling with friends (she attends a different school) and it really made a huge difference.  It helped her daughter to see that the problems she was facing weren't about her, but about the people around her.  This mom was almost in tears telling me that Shayna's words put her daughter into a completely different state of mind and helped to change her outlook.


I really think that slow controlled and monitored exposure to technology over time is actually more effective in teaching children how to behave online than just setting them free as they get older.  I've seen too many teens who are suddenly allowed to have access who don't have any mechanisms or practice in place to make good judgements and they push back hard on their parents because they are older and unwilling to listen to their parents because they think they already know everything.  It often gets ugly really fast.

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