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Shy Son & Friends

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:46 AM
  • 11 Replies


I am new here and have a tween. He is a very funny boy but he is real shy around peers. His sister has tons of friends and she is always out with them.. my son on the other hand is always home and I feel so bad for him.I tell him he can have his friends over, but i really think he struggles in that department. Does anyone have any advice or tips to help a child in that dept? Anyone else have this issue? He is in the 5th grade and maybe boys don't hang out all the time like girls do, I am not sure... I just know I really want him to connect with at least one or two quality friends. :(

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:46 AM
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by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:48 AM

Have you met the kids who would potentially be his friends? He might be making the right call. 

Ask him how he feels about the kids in his class. If he doesn't like them (or they have expressed not liking him-- ESPECIALLY if it seems like bullying), give him an opportunity to meet new kids... Scouts, sports, something like that. 

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:06 AM

Thanks for the reply and encouragment to get into sprorts etc..We did Scouts he did not like it much.We went with him to see how he interacts.He is also in Football..He  has one sorta friend who is nice kid and family..

My son is the one who gets bullied and  not the bully. I know that some kids like him because they always say Hi or if we are out somewhere and run into a classmat they are the first to say hi and he shylee says hello back. ... I have asked him if he has friends and sometimes he says yes.He says a lot of the kids get on his nerves..and I am not sure if he is just picky with friends or if it is because he gets picked on by some..One kid on recease pinned him down and pulled down his pants.Needles to say my son was emberresed.

He says he never has friends over and his sister does. So we say and encourage him to have someone over but he then says he doesn't have anyone to ask.Being a parent is so hard lol..

by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:18 AM
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 I sort of have this problem but it's a bit more complicated.

I have 11 year old twin girls. One of my twins is shy also.  She spends most of her time reading a book at school.  The boys have started teasing her b/c her name is Brooke and she likes to read so they call her Brooke the book.  I tell her that if that's the worst that can find to say about her she's doing really well.

Anyway I've tried to encourage her to make friends.  We've tried scouts (she hated it also).  Currently she's in the band, signing choir, karate, patrols. I can't fit in anything else and none of these activities are helping but at least they are keeping her busy.

Anyway my situation is a bit more complicated b/c she also has a twin that she relies on for companionship. I've put them in separate classes and activities as much as possible but it doesn't help. Her sister is much more outgoing and makes friends more easily. (she's not great at keeping friends however but that's another problem)

Anyway,  I don't have a solution just emphathy. It's hard to see them not have friends but don't compare your two children.  They are different people and will make their own relationships in their own time. I'm hoping that middle school will provide more opportunity for friendships to develop.

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:36 AM

Thank you tons. I def do not compair the two, they both have their uniqueness about them :) I empathize with you as well. I has such issues with friends when I was young too and I think I am extra sensitive to it because I remember feeling horrible. I am sure in time they will make friends, even if it isn't til high school or college! You are right about middle school. I didn't think of that! Different kids in  each class may help. :)

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 4:37 PM
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My dtr is 11 yrs old and extremely shy. She also has a medical conditon which has not helped any. She has hip dysplagia and has had 2 surgeries this past yr. Her left hip is shorter than her right leg so her gait is unbalanced and kids being kids notice and some make fun of her. She is a beautiful girl but she takes after me completely; as a child I was painfully shy too. I homeschool her and I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse because now she really has no social contact with other kids apart from FB. I told her today that I signed us up for a field trip in 2 weeks with other middle schoolers and she said she didn't want to go. I told her she had to go to at least meet some other 6th graders, anyway I tell myself that yrs from now I'll look back at my concern and realize it wasn't that big of a deal. You will too. I hope your son meets a good friend.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 4:37 PM
I just read you second post again. My girl is the same about the other kids. She finds them silly and annoying. I think she mature for her age and doesn't really like the other kids that much. Some of the kids that she does like already have developed friendships.

Sigh. I wish I had an answer for both of us.
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by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:34 PM

My dd is very shy she talks about two kids that she talks to at school but does not have them come over. We live in an apartment and she had a friend her witch move away until this girl moved away they spent a lot of time together and now she wont invite nobody else over.

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Does it bother him?? I have a son who is introverted like I am and he likes having alone time or quiet time at home.  He has two close friends that come over every few weeks.  He is liked at school, and his teachers say he is well-adjusted and sociable.  He just wants home time to be alone or quiet time for the most part.

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 11:45 PM
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Boys don't " hang out " like girls do. If he has a lunch table gang, and/ or friends in club/ organizations he's involved in, he's okay. As he gets into middle and high school, it's easier but even then, they don't talk about nothing on the phone.... Or text alot.
I have an eight grader. His friend circle is his lunch table crowd mixed with his academic club. They only chat at night over a homework issue or a Merry Christmas msg.

All other 'business' is taken care of in school. Honestly, when my son got his cell phone... The only info that they transmitted to each other is/was new lego creations :-)

Give it time.... And boys just don't get "social" near as soon as girls do.
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by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:58 AM

He wants me to homeschool him too. I think the homeschool thing is great and did it for one year but could not do anylonger. Some area's are great for staying connected with other homeschoolers. Does your area have a monthly meet up with others?

Thanks again. I like reading everyone's experiences. Enjoy your day. I am off to spend time with the family.

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