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girls and friends

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 9 Replies

I'm not quite sure what to do with this one. Not sure there is much I can do.

I have 11 year old twin girls that are in the 5th grade. Neither are big in the friend departmentm, never have been. S is MUCH more outgoing however and has some school friends.  B is shy and bookish and sticks to herself.  She tends to rely on her sister to make the friends or she'll just hang out with her sister.

This year their is a new girl at school that has befriended B.  I thought this is great until I found out that this girl is a bit of a problem.  She acts out and none of the other kids like her. She is a very in your face kind of kid. B is a patient child and has learned how to deal with this new girl's ways. 

The teacher rearranged the classroom so that they weren't sitting next to each other at one point and then rearranged again to put B back next to this girl.  I think B is the only child that can deal with this other girl.

The problem is that since none of the other kids like the new girl B has limited opportunity to make any other friends.  While it's great that at least she has one friend that's her own she could use a few more. Plus I'm not sure that I'm all that fond of my girl being friends with the trouble girl in class.


by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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Replies (1-9):
GleekingOut
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:28 AM
1 mom liked this
It's not B's job to handle her. I think you should request the teacher move her back to the original spot. Ask the teacher if she can arrange for some group work to get B talking to some other girls. :) and maybe get B and S in different activities this year to get B to make new friends? :)
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mamavalor
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:52 AM

What kinds of trouble does this new girl bring?  B and S can figure it out on their own.  They are old enough to know what is good and what is bad for them.  Just be there for them and guide them without lecturing and telling them what to do.  They will meet this kinds of girls throughout their lives and this would be a good lesson to learn when they are young and when they still listen to you.

birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:36 AM

It's hard to say exactly.  She's loud and dramatic. Overreacts. She spent the first part of the year acting like a cat.

The kids just don't like her. I'm sure it's not helpful that she came in new in the 5th grade. It's hard to say b/c i'm in at the school all that much but I have the feeling she's become the girl that no one likes and everyone makes fun of.

I asked B if she wants me to ask the teacher to move her and she said no.

As much as I think it's great that B will be friends with someone despite the other kids not liking her I don't want B to become the girl that no one likes either. She has enough problems with being social.

I probably won't do anything unless things escalate. But it worries me. I've worked really hard with B to encourage her to be social.

Quoting mamavalor:

What kinds of trouble does this new girl bring?  B and S can figure it out on their own.  They are old enough to know what is good and what is bad for them.  Just be there for them and guide them without lecturing and telling them what to do.  They will meet this kinds of girls throughout their lives and this would be a good lesson to learn when they are young and when they still listen to you.


mjande4
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this

My advice is stay out of it.  You should/can coach your daughter from the sidelines about picking friendships wisely, but she should be doing the rest herself.  I know that it is difficult to watch your child struggle socially, but you CAN'T pick her friends for her or force others to be friends with her.  As a teacher I would never move a kid's desk because a parent asked me to, but if said child took the iniative, then I would and do.  Teach your daughter to stand up for herself.

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:00 AM
2 moms liked this

I agree with this.  Also remember that some people are just more social than others and there is absolutely nothing wrong with only have one or two friends as opposed to a bunch of friends.

Quoting mjande4:

My advice is stay out of it.  You should/can coach your daughter from the sidelines about picking friendships wisely, but she should be doing the rest herself.  I know that it is difficult to watch your child struggle socially, but you CAN'T pick her friends for her or force others to be friends with her.  As a teacher I would never move a kid's desk because a parent asked me to, but if said child took the iniative, then I would and do.  Teach your daughter to stand up for herself.


psych_mom
by Stacy on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I think that it is great that your daughter has befriended this girl. That speaks volumes about her apathy and compassion for others. You are viewing the negative side and not seeing what your daughter has done. She has looked past all the bad that others see in this girl and saw something in her that no one else takes the time to see. Don't discourage her, talk to her about making the right decisions and not being a follower.

birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:49 PM

I agree.  I do think it's great that she's not following the crowd. Both of my girls are very individuals which is one reason they don't have a lot of friends. 

I forgot to mention that I'm bringing this up because B was lamenting last night that she'd like to make other friends in her class but the other kids won't hang out with her because she's friends with the new girl.

So it's not me pushing her to have other friends.  She wants to but can't.


Quoting birdandchicks:

I'm not quite sure what to do with this one. Not sure there is much I can do.

I have 11 year old twin girls that are in the 5th grade. Neither are big in the friend departmentm, never have been. S is MUCH more outgoing however and has some school friends.  B is shy and bookish and sticks to herself.  She tends to rely on her sister to make the friends or she'll just hang out with her sister.

This year their is a new girl at school that has befriended B.  I thought this is great until I found out that this girl is a bit of a problem.  She acts out and none of the other kids like her. She is a very in your face kind of kid. B is a patient child and has learned how to deal with this new girl's ways. 

The teacher rearranged the classroom so that they weren't sitting next to each other at one point and then rearranged again to put B back next to this girl.  I think B is the only child that can deal with this other girl.

The problem is that since none of the other kids like the new girl B has limited opportunity to make any other friends.  While it's great that at least she has one friend that's her own she could use a few more. Plus I'm not sure that I'm all that fond of my girl being friends with the trouble girl in class.



elkmomma
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Before doing anything; may be you should try to find out more about the girl.  Talk to her parents and B a little more.  She may have a disorder your not aware of and B is the calming effect in class.  My son has Assbergers and he is often temed / grouped up with others who have a calming effect on him.  It could also be that B is showing the girl that not every one is a bully.

Red_Kitten
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:44 PM

Have you considered asking your daughter if she'd like her new friend to come over for a play date?  It's an opportunity to get to know your child's friends, and touch base with the parents of this girl.  Our home is open to our kids friends to come over and play, it's a great way to get to know your kid's friends, and to help your kids if they ask for it. :-)  And good luck with your situation.  I agree with letting the girls figure it out unless something really serious is going on.

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