Desperately need advice! ! HELP!!!! 10yr old and porn.

[mom2atribe]

So my son is 10... he just turned 10 yesterday and as a treat he got to spend the night with his cousins at his Uncles. He called me around 2 this am and was freaking out saying he did something very bad. Come to find out he was looking up porn on his cousins ipod. He told me he looked up something scary but my brother in law jumped on the phone and said it was innapropriate pictures. I freaked and said I was picking him up. All the way home I yelled how disgusted i ws he was looking at stuff like this and how dissapointed I was. This isnt the first time he has looked up innapropriate stuff and the first and last time he had done this he was grounded and even till now has been limited on usinf ipods/ipads/computers/phones. I dont know what to do this time. To me this is serious and I dont want to worry that this will lead to something worse :'( Any advice would be much appreciated.

[GleekingOut]

This might sound crazy - but have you asked him WHY he looks at that stuff? I mean my DS9 still never ever wants to get married. Why didn't your BIL call you instead of him calling you? I would get rid of *MY* internet, not let him go anywhere but school and home, maybe have him see a counsellor (if when you go to ask for a referal the doctor says it's abnormal) and if he needs to go somewhere to be watched I would tell the parent that he does not go near any device that can access the internet, that he asks permission to watch *ANY* movie of hers and that he is constantly supervised. But to me for a 9/10 yo to be looking at porn screams something wrong and should be talked about. But if he were my boy he wouldn't be going anywhere for a long time - talk to him though, about puberty and attractions and feelings, don't make him think it's abnormal to be attracted to girls but do get him to realise that porn is not real.

[TwinSoccerMom]

Your son called you at 2am to admit to you that he had done something inappropriate and he was rewarded by being yelled at the entire trip home. While I can certainly understand you being upset at what happened, this would have been a great opportunity to talk to him about why you have concerns about him viewing porn. Explain that porn is not an accurate representation of how sex between consenting adults is.  Talk to him about what your values are and what you expect from him. I agree that iPods, etc should be taken away if he does view inappropriate material, but frequent communication about what your views are and listening to and addressing his thoughts and feelings is much more effective in the long run.

[coolmommy2x]

I agree however I don't think it's too late. You can calmly go to him today and apologize for yelling (it's not easy being nice when your beauty sleep is interrupted!) and discuss why what he did was wrong, why you're upset, etc. Ask why he's been doing it and answer any questions he has. I would take away all devices and closely monitor his internet usage. I would tell him that after he gets his devices back, you will check on those as well until he proves himself to be responsible. While he's young, I think curiosity is normal. Did. You see what he saw? Was it just naked women or was it more sexual? Porn is porn but I would want to know what he saw. Good luck!

Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

Your son called you at 2am to admit to you that he had done something inappropriate and he was rewarded by being yelled at the entire trip home. While I can certainly understand you being upset at what happened, this would have been a great opportunity to talk to him about why you have concerns about him viewing porn. Explain that porn is not an accurate representation of how sex between consenting adults is.  Talk to him about what your values are and what you expect from him. I agree that iPods, etc should be taken away if he does view inappropriate material, but frequent communication about what your views are and listening to and addressing his thoughts and feelings is much more effective in the long run.

[TwinSoccerMom]

I agree it isn't too late.  Ongoing communication is essential.  And apologizing after the fact is better than not apologizing at all.

Quoting coolmommy2x:

I agree however I don't think it's too late. You can calmly go to him today and apologize for yelling (it's not easy being nice when your beauty sleep is interrupted!) and discuss why what he did was wrong, why you're upset, etc. Ask why he's been doing it and answer any questions he has. I would take away all devices and closely monitor his internet usage. I would tell him that after he gets his devices back, you will check on those as well until he proves himself to be responsible. While he's young, I think curiosity is normal. Did. You see what he saw? Was it just naked women or was it more sexual? Porn is porn but I would want to know what he saw. Good luck!

Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

Your son called you at 2am to admit to you that he had done something inappropriate and he was rewarded by being yelled at the entire trip home. While I can certainly understand you being upset at what happened, this would have been a great opportunity to talk to him about why you have concerns about him viewing porn. Explain that porn is not an accurate representation of how sex between consenting adults is.  Talk to him about what your values are and what you expect from him. I agree that iPods, etc should be taken away if he does view inappropriate material, but frequent communication about what your views are and listening to and addressing his thoughts and feelings is much more effective in the long run.

[coolmommy2x]

Yep. I do it when I fly off the handle and don't mean to. I think it's important for kids to see adults admit to mistakes.

Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

I agree it isn't too late.  Ongoing communication is essential.  And apologizing after the fact is better than not apologizing at all.

Quoting coolmommy2x:

I agree however I don't think it's too late. You can calmly go to him today and apologize for yelling (it's not easy being nice when your beauty sleep is interrupted!) and discuss why what he did was wrong, why you're upset, etc. Ask why he's been doing it and answer any questions he has. I would take away all devices and closely monitor his internet usage. I would tell him that after he gets his devices back, you will check on those as well until he proves himself to be responsible. While he's young, I think curiosity is normal. Did. You see what he saw? Was it just naked women or was it more sexual? Porn is porn but I would want to know what he saw. Good luck!

Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

Your son called you at 2am to admit to you that he had done something inappropriate and he was rewarded by being yelled at the entire trip home. While I can certainly understand you being upset at what happened, this would have been a great opportunity to talk to him about why you have concerns about him viewing porn. Explain that porn is not an accurate representation of how sex between consenting adults is.  Talk to him about what your values are and what you expect from him. I agree that iPods, etc should be taken away if he does view inappropriate material, but frequent communication about what your views are and listening to and addressing his thoughts and feelings is much more effective in the long run.

[psych_mom]

This exactly.

Quoting TwinSoccerMom:

Your son called you at 2am to admit to you that he had done something inappropriate and he was rewarded by being yelled at the entire trip home. While I can certainly understand you being upset at what happened, this would have been a great opportunity to talk to him about why you have concerns about him viewing porn. Explain that porn is not an accurate representation of how sex between consenting adults is.  Talk to him about what your values are and what you expect from him. I agree that iPods, etc should be taken away if he does view inappropriate material, but frequent communication about what your views are and listening to and addressing his thoughts and feelings is much more effective in the long run.

[wenchmommy381]

Screaming about being disgusted isn't helping anyone. And no offense, but I've seen messages like this that turn out to be from trolls. 

Hope everything works out for you.

[mom2atribe]

Thank you for your responses. Just to clarify I didnt yell at him the entire way home but I did yell. I was frustrated he felt the urge to look at naked women. I asked him to show me what he put in the search engine and he put "hot women" and he said some pictures were of women in sexy clothes and some were showing there breasts. I was glad to find out it wasn't what I thought and he could've seen worse. I did apologize this morning because I felt like I could've handled the situation better. I explained to him that I appreciated his honesty because he did come to tell me on his own but that I was dissapointed in his actions.... I'm planning on talking to a counselor because I do feel it needs to be addressed with someone who can help me and my husband adress our son without making him feel bad about himself. Thank you again for your kind and honest responses.

[momto3infl]

 IDK what to tell you on advice-my son has never done this, but I feel preteens and teens are usually curious about these things, and just would talk continuously and not do what you did OP.

[TwinSoccerMom]

Sounds like you handled the "morning after" the right way.  It shows him that adults make mistakes sometimes and that you are not above admitting when you could have handled a situation better.  And if you and your husband do not feel that you can handle this on your own, seeing a counselor is a great idea. Good luck with everything.

Quoting mom2atribe:

Thank you for your responses. Just to clarify I didnt yell at him the entire way home but I did yell. I was frustrated he felt the urge to look at naked women. I asked him to show me what he put in the search engine and he put "hot women" and he said some pictures were of women in sexy clothes and some were showing there breasts. I was glad to find out it wasn't what I thought and he could've seen worse. I did apologize this morning because I felt like I could've handled the situation better. I explained to him that I appreciated his honesty because he did come to tell me on his own but that I was dissapointed in his actions.... I'm planning on talking to a counselor because I do feel it needs to be addressed with someone who can help me and my husband adress our son without making him feel bad about himself. Thank you again for your kind and honest responses.