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Need advice desperately!

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:05 PM
  • 6 Replies

I need some advice pertaining to my 12 yo son.  We are planning on moving soon, we are buying a manufactured house and have to find some land.  We've been on a long road the past few years, moving out of state for better jobs, leaving family and friends, declaring bankruptcy to get away from a house that would never sell.  The move has been good for the kids, better schools and environment, etc., they're doing great.  Now here's the problem, to stay in the school district so he can keep his friends (which I like, good group of boys) will be very hard.  The land isn't what we want and it costs more for less.  Now, the next town over (half hour away) there is more beautiful property at a much lower price.  I don't want my son to lose his friends (again).  He's a good kid, but moody, quiet, and reserved as of late.  I'm so afraid that if we move him away from his friends and put him in another school that he'll either become a moody loner OR make the wrong type of friends.  I plan on this move being the last one we ever make (hopefully) and putting down roots and growing old there.  So the location IS very important.  I just don't know how it'll affect my son, any advice?

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:05 PM
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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:52 PM
It is so hard when you don't know what the future entails. Do you move and take the chances of your kids being unhappy with the group of friends or they could be perfectly good kids there too. Do you know anything about that other town? Is there anything in between so you would only be 15 minutes from his school?
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by Valeri on Feb. 5, 2013 at 4:26 PM

That's hard.  There is a possibility that in 2 years, we will move to a bigger house.  My husband wants to move to another area because it's "nicer" but I don't see any reason.  Though the neighborhood is slightly nicer, we have this incredible group of families that we hang out with almost all year long because of various sports, they attend a good school (not great but they are doing well), and just about everything we do (dinner, outings, etc) are within this area.  I just don't feel a need to move if things are going well. 

I know you want a place to buy a house, so that's your call and hopefully he will be okay if you have to take him out and move him again. 

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:54 PM

We moved to a different state when my son was 5, and it was extremely stressful on him. I think at this age, it would be even harder on him. Personally, I wouldn't want to move into a different school district at my son's current age. I'm not sure if it's harder on him because he's an only child and he has no close cousins his age, but I just couldn't do that to him.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:35 PM

Really it could go either way and it's just so hard to know what to do. 

If he's moving before 7th grade, it might be easier on him, but if he's going into 8th it might be more difficult (I moved between 7th and 8th from one side of the state to the other and that was a really difficult move for me). 

30 minutes isn't so far though, he can still hang out with his current friends.

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:18 PM

If he just made a good transition, you are asking A LOT of him to make another one. 

My daughter (just turned 11 - 6th grade) trasitioned to a private school this year.  It was ultimately her choice and the change has been FANTASTIC.  One thing that made her willing was that she could still see all her existing friends (cuz we weren't moving).  Well, she has seen some of them two times in the past 5 months.  She hasn't been looking for  them and is very happy with friends from her new school.  But if she still needed her old friends, even though we haven't moved, it would be very hard to keep in touch.  She is busy, they are busy, and they live in different circles. 

Don't hang your hat on his being able to keep his current friends, who has known for a relatively short time.  They will move on and he will need to as well.  It is a tough call.  I don't think I could move my tween twice in a few years unless he/she was unhappy with the first move.

by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:16 PM

You do realize he could become either of those things even if you stay where you are right now.

Kids, even teens, can be resiliant and can adapt.  IT really depends more on the personality of the child.  

Is he a glass half-full, or half-empty sort of kid?  Has he shown you any reasons in the past that this move would be more than he is able to adapt to at this time? 

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