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Would you tell your child if you knew her friend was lying

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:47 PM
  • 10 Replies
I'm curious how to handle a situation. My dd is in mostly pre AP classes. Her middle school offers two GT classes: GT science and A GT class where they explore their imagination through technology and engineering. All other classes are considered on level or Pre AP.

They are signing up for next year and our neighbor's dd told my dd that she is in all GT classes and they are harder levels than pre AP. I know this to not be true. But I kind of feel that it doesn't matter. My daughter doesn't seem to have the impression that kids in pre AP classes are smarter than anyone, we have always said pre AP is for students that learn at a very fast pace and on level is just that, on level. I really don't know if it matters that the kid is telling others that she is part of a program that does not exist. I figure my dd and any other friend of this girl will figure out that there really is no GT program. Dd was looking over her options and she was looking for the GT classes. There are not any except the two I mentioned above. I just said 'I don't know' just sign up for the classes that are offered.

So would you let your kid in on that secret? Or just do what I did and not say anything? I figure the girl (I'm noticing she embellishes a lot) is just not wanting anyone to realize she is in on level classes which is silly. My Dd is happily taking on level science and social studies next year because she cannot balance ALL pre AP courses along with the dedication math is going to be next year. She is totally fine and happy with on level so to me it isn't a big deal. Just wondering what others would do.
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RatherBeReading
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I would just let it be. In the long run, it's not a big deal as the white lie doesn't actually hurt anyone. Your daughter will figure it out and decide if she wants to be friends with someone like that, or will think twice before believing anything she says in the future.

wakymom
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:12 AM

 I wouldn't say anything. Sounds like the sort of thing the girl will get called out on by peers.

 

 

 

 

 

VickyJoJo
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I would not say anything.  Your daughter and her friends will eventually figure it out.  At that point, if she mentions it to you, you might want to have a conversation about why this child feels the need to embellish and how your daughter feels about it and wants to handle it.

momof2ex1
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:51 AM
Thanks! I feel like I did the right thing by not 'calling her out'.. I think some lessons need to be learned on their own.
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Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:52 AM

If my kid asked me about it, I would clarify the situation. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

Here, you have to pass a GT test to be in GT classes, and so not all the students can sign up for the classes. I have no idea if they are different than advanced, IB, or AP classes. I have never asked.

momof2ex1
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:24 PM
In our district you apply for the GT program in elementary school. Once you are in GT, you are automatically placed in Pre AP classes in 6th grade. Pre AP is just one grade level ahead. So in 6th grade, you are doing 7th grade on level math. At a faster pace. There really is no GT program past 5th grade. I honestly just think that the friend feels that she isn't in the pre AP program and so her peers will think less of her. Maybe other kids feel that way but my dd does not. A lot of her friends are not in her classes.

Quoting Barabell:

If my kid asked me about it, I would clarify the situation. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

Here, you have to pass a GT test to be in GT classes, and so not all the students can sign up for the classes. I have no idea if they are different than advanced, IB, or AP classes. I have never asked.



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Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:23 PM

Such a difference between boys and girls. My son is worried about being labeled a nerd, and if he was to lie either way, it would probably be to downplay his intelligence to avoid the nerd label.

To be honest, I think it's kind of odd that your district does it that way. You can be gifted in one area but not another. Our district places students in math based on the start of year testing, and if you are found to be proficient in what you're going to learn the upcoming year, they will move up you to the next grade level in math. Where you are placed is completely separate from the G&T program at the district. My son tested as G&T in 2nd grade, but most years he was place in his grade level in math because he didn't quite cross the threshold to move up to the next grade. This year, he skipped pre-algebra and is doing algebra this year. Next year, he'll be signed up for geometry, but if his math testing at the start of next school year determines that he is not proficient enough in algebra, then he would repeat it again. So the path here in math is similar to how you described in your OP--just that you're learning it at a faster pace and all the kids learn the same stuff eventually. In our district, the available G&T programs are different at each elementary, junior high, and high school. There is a 1st-8th magnet school specifically for G&T students, but we chose to keep my son at his existing elementary instead of have him change schools in 3rd grade. My son's junior high only offers middle year IB (advanced) classes, and so I'm not sure what they do if a kid is struggling and really should be on-level. My son is at that junior high because it continues the magnet program he went to elementary for, but for many kids that attend his junior high, it is the neighborhood school and they have no choice but to be in MY-IB classes.

Quoting momof2ex1:

In our district you apply for the GT program in elementary school. Once you are in GT, you are automatically placed in Pre AP classes in 6th grade. Pre AP is just one grade level ahead. So in 6th grade, you are doing 7th grade on level math. At a faster pace. There really is no GT program past 5th grade. I honestly just think that the friend feels that she isn't in the pre AP program and so her peers will think less of her. Maybe other kids feel that way but my dd does not. A lot of her friends are not in her classes.

Quoting Barabell:

If my kid asked me about it, I would clarify the situation. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

Here, you have to pass a GT test to be in GT classes, and so not all the students can sign up for the classes. I have no idea if they are different than advanced, IB, or AP classes. I have never asked.




catngabsmom
by Erica on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:58 PM

our entire school district is IB, k-12

Quoting Barabell:

Such a difference between boys and girls. My son is worried about being labeled a nerd, and if he was to lie either way, it would probably be to downplay his intelligence to avoid the nerd label.

To be honest, I think it's kind of odd that your district does it that way. You can be gifted in one area but not another. Our district places students in math based on the start of year testing, and if you are found to be proficient in what you're going to learn the upcoming year, they will move up you to the next grade level in math. Where you are placed is completely separate from the G&T program at the district. My son tested as G&T in 2nd grade, but most years he was place in his grade level in math because he didn't quite cross the threshold to move up to the next grade. This year, he skipped pre-algebra and is doing algebra this year. Next year, he'll be signed up for geometry, but if his math testing at the start of next school year determines that he is not proficient enough in algebra, then he would repeat it again. So the path here in math is similar to how you described in your OP--just that you're learning it at a faster pace and all the kids learn the same stuff eventually. In our district, the available G&T programs are different at each elementary, junior high, and high school. There is a 1st-8th magnet school specifically for G&T students, but we chose to keep my son at his existing elementary instead of have him change schools in 3rd grade. My son's junior high only offers middle year IB (advanced) classes, and so I'm not sure what they do if a kid is struggling and really should be on-level. My son is at that junior high because it continues the magnet program he went to elementary for, but for many kids that attend his junior high, it is the neighborhood school and they have no choice but to be in MY-IB classes.

Quoting momof2ex1:

In our district you apply for the GT program in elementary school. Once you are in GT, you are automatically placed in Pre AP classes in 6th grade. Pre AP is just one grade level ahead. So in 6th grade, you are doing 7th grade on level math. At a faster pace. There really is no GT program past 5th grade. I honestly just think that the friend feels that she isn't in the pre AP program and so her peers will think less of her. Maybe other kids feel that way but my dd does not. A lot of her friends are not in her classes.

Quoting Barabell:

If my kid asked me about it, I would clarify the situation. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

Here, you have to pass a GT test to be in GT classes, and so not all the students can sign up for the classes. I have no idea if they are different than advanced, IB, or AP classes. I have never asked.





Erica


Mom to
Caterina-11
Gabriella-9.5
momof2ex1
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:55 PM
Well to be quite honest, I refer to our program as the GT program because essentially that is what it is but it is called 'Excel'. From 1st grade to 5th grade. The kids leave class once a week for an hour and go to 'excel' where they basically use their imagination and do some neat activities that requires to think outside the box. They don't get a grade there. It's just a program. Now the first school district we were in dd was actually in a GT class with only GT kids. That was 1st and 2nd grade. We moved in 3rd grade. Now in middle school (6-8) pre AP is just advanced placement. If the child does not do well the parent can request to back out of whatever class. It is not required to be in the pre AP classes but it is a prerequisite to be tested as GT/Excel before entering the pre AP classes. Each class is a separate class so one can take one pre AP class and not take any other Pre AP classes. It's up to the parent whether the child remains in the program or not. The middle school program basically gets the student ready to take college course in high school. We have a program which I am sure other districts do as well but I know some districts do not, a student can take most of their basic college courses their junior and senior year. It's best to start in 6th grade on this path to prepare them for high school. It's hard to catch them up later on unless they are extremely gifted. My daughter is not taking pre AP science or social studies next year. Her path is more math based. She is taking pre AP reading and English as well. She excels in those two courses, averaging a 98 all year. She is a B student in math this year. She has struggled but she is really focusing right now and is bringing her grade up slowly. I don't think any of that really pertained to your reply but I was just trying to give you an idea of what we having going on here. I hope it made sense.


Quoting Barabell:

Such a difference between boys and girls. My son is worried about being labeled a nerd, and if he was to lie either way, it would probably be to downplay his intelligence to avoid the nerd label.

To be honest, I think it's kind of odd that your district does it that way. You can be gifted in one area but not another. Our district places students in math based on the start of year testing, and if you are found to be proficient in what you're going to learn the upcoming year, they will move up you to the next grade level in math. Where you are placed is completely separate from the G&T program at the district. My son tested as G&T in 2nd grade, but most years he was place in his grade level in math because he didn't quite cross the threshold to move up to the next grade. This year, he skipped pre-algebra and is doing algebra this year. Next year, he'll be signed up for geometry, but if his math testing at the start of next school year determines that he is not proficient enough in algebra, then he would repeat it again. So the path here in math is similar to how you described in your OP--just that you're learning it at a faster pace and all the kids learn the same stuff eventually. In our district, the available G&T programs are different at each elementary, junior high, and high school. There is a 1st-8th magnet school specifically for G&T students, but we chose to keep my son at his existing elementary instead of have him change schools in 3rd grade. My son's junior high only offers middle year IB (advanced) classes, and so I'm not sure what they do if a kid is struggling and really should be on-level. My son is at that junior high because it continues the magnet program he went to elementary for, but for many kids that attend his junior high, it is the neighborhood school and they have no choice but to be in MY-IB classes.

Quoting momof2ex1:

In our district you apply for the GT program in elementary school. Once you are in GT, you are automatically placed in Pre AP classes in 6th grade. Pre AP is just one grade level ahead. So in 6th grade, you are doing 7th grade on level math. At a faster pace. There really is no GT program past 5th grade. I honestly just think that the friend feels that she isn't in the pre AP program and so her peers will think less of her. Maybe other kids feel that way but my dd does not. A lot of her friends are not in her classes.


Quoting Barabell:

If my kid asked me about it, I would clarify the situation. Otherwise, I'd let it go.

Here, you have to pass a GT test to be in GT classes, and so not all the students can sign up for the classes. I have no idea if they are different than advanced, IB, or AP classes. I have never asked.






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psych_mom
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:06 AM

I wouldn't worry about it.


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