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Tween Titans Tween Titans

complete lack of responsibility

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:09 AM
  • 5 Replies
I am getting so pissed at my ex and pretty irritated with my 10 year old lack of responsibility. I pick my daughter up at her dads house before school every weekday, get her to school, then she comes to my house after school. Her dad picks her up by 6ish then I go to sleep cuz I work overnights. She does most of her homework at my house, but occasionally she will have to finish some at her dads. Well, she had a science report that was due Monday, 3/4/13. We did all of the research together but she had to write the actual report. Well, she got home from school and there was a "reminder" that there will be 5 points deducted for each day it is late. She didn't do the report while at her dads this weekend. Am I wrong to think at the age of 10 she should have enough responsibility to get this done? And her dad should have followed up to make sure it was done. He knew about the report. I feel like I am the only parent!! I just wanna scream!
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:09 AM
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:00 PM

At 10 they still don't have the ability to make the best decisions and are easily distracted by everything around them, even when they have the best of intentions. My 11 year old (almost 12)  is starting to take responsibility for some school things but still needs to be checked up on all the time. Again, the intention to finish is there, but the ability to prioritize with all the distractions around them can be overwhelming. Her dad may also be thinking that she's ready to take that responsibility completely on her own without checking. Keep reinforcing that she needs to checked up on to make sure things get done and if you need to call over the weekend to talk with her and check yourself if things get done, do it. Make sure she knows school is a big priority - it's their "job" as a kid. She'll get it eventually, just keep hanging on and remember that your current frustrations will eventually payoff as she becomes a mature adult with your perseverence!

by Valeri on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:09 PM

My sister had a HUGE problem with this with her son.  Even now, he doesn't finish his work when he is with his dad and he is a SENIOR in high school.  If it's not developed as a habit, then the habit is what you have.  There has to be consistency and routine no matter what house she goes to.

It got to a point that if there was a project or a major assignment due while he was with his dad, he had to get it done while he is with her.  He wasn't allowed to go anywhere with friends until it was done.  The dad didn't care so...never made him finish. 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:30 PM

To nag or not to nag.  That is the question.  Let her know you are trusting her to complete her homework when she gets back to dad.  She needs to honor her word.  Acknowledge what she has done with this project.  Should she do it again, you are on nag patrol. 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:49 PM
Thank you ladies! I think my biggest problem is with her dad. When I picked her up this morning I asked if she had a shower last night, she said no, I forgot. I ask for her to take a shower at least every other day. This was day 3! I was livid! I called her dad and told him he needs to make sure his daughter is taking regular showers. I don't think this is something I should have to remind them of, its basic self care.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:25 PM
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Honestly, if she doesn't finish the project, she will suffer consequences at school in the form of a lower grade.  Same with not taking showers, she will begin to smell and possibly offend others with her body odor.  I am a huge fan of natural consequences and think that kids learn life lessons better this way.

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