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have you ever encouraged a child to quit an activity

Posted by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:25 PM
  • 21 Replies

and made it seem like it was there idea? 

One of my girls is taking karate.  She likes it but it's a huge time and money suck. We are a two parent working family and just don't have the time to commit to multi-day activities that are outside of school. 

She's also in band and signing choir which also take up a good bit of time.

I really wish she'd give it up on her own.

Am I a terrible parent?

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 11:26 PM

Yup. I've told DD a few times "I think you're better at (activity that doesn't cost money and lots of time)". I've told DD that clothes don't suit her when I just find them...not normal. I've told her that her friends don't like her when I thought they were bad for her. I've manipulated her a few times. It's not as bad as everyone is going to say it is. and *shrugs* I've told her that she sucks at singing (even though she doesn't) because I don't want her posting video's on youtube. Whatever works.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 11:41 PM
I would be honest and tell her she needs to drop something to save time and money but I would let her pick what she drops.

IMO Karate is one of the last things I would drop. You learn real life skills that could save you or someone else some day. It also promotes getting proper exercise and leading a healthy lifestyle.

Singing and band, while creative and brain stimulating, aren't as versatile.
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birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:51 AM

But singing and band are through the school and social developing.  Karate isn't.  I neglected to mention that she doesn't have a lot of friends.  Getting involved in stuff through the school.  (especially band which could continue to middle and high) is a good way to meet people and be a part of something. 

I'd love for her to be a part of karate if it wasn't for the testing and belts.  I'm just over it.  The whole thing is very expensive, time consuming and stressful.  Activities are supposed to be fun and rewarding.  Not stressful and discouraging. 

GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 8:09 AM

Well then - just tell her that you think she would have more fun and make more friends at singing/band. When my DD did Karate I had to force her to quit because she was using her moves against me. :/


Quoting birdandchicks:

But singing and band are through the school and social developing.  Karate isn't.  I neglected to mention that she doesn't have a lot of friends.  Getting involved in stuff through the school.  (especially band which could continue to middle and high) is a good way to meet people and be a part of something. 

I'd love for her to be a part of karate if it wasn't for the testing and belts.  I'm just over it.  The whole thing is very expensive, time consuming and stressful.  Activities are supposed to be fun and rewarding.  Not stressful and discouraging. 



Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:16 AM
My kids activities are about what they are into, not what I like.
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elkmomma
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:43 AM

Yup Karate takes a lot of time and $$.  You don't make it sound like it's financially hurting you; but rather that you think your time is better off somewhere else spend on you .  I guess I was blessed with parents who thought their time was best spend encouraging us kids to do whatever and would bend over backwards to make sure got do do them if at all possible.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 11:10 AM
If she was using moves against you, you need either a better dojo or a counselor for DD there are bigger issues than the karate class.

Or, you could tale karate too and spar with her on the mats...DS1 and I do :)


Quoting GleekingOut:

Well then - just tell her that you think she would have more fun and make more friends at singing/band. When my DD did Karate I had to force her to quit because she was using her moves against me. :/



Quoting birdandchicks:

But singing and band are through the school and social developing.  Karate isn't.  I neglected to mention that she doesn't have a lot of friends.  Getting involved in stuff through the school.  (especially band which could continue to middle and high) is a good way to meet people and be a part of something. 

I'd love for her to be a part of karate if it wasn't for the testing and belts.  I'm just over it.  The whole thing is very expensive, time consuming and stressful.  Activities are supposed to be fun and rewarding.  Not stressful and discouraging. 





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Morrigan333
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 11:44 AM

My dd was in Jui Jitsu. From age 7 till about 8 1/2. I didn't so much encourage her to quit as much as i ALLOWED her to quit. She was frustrated that she couldn't "do" the moves, poses,etc, and dd has ADHD and SPD which was awful for her for several reasons. One of which, her Karate school only gave recoginition to those kids with Perfect report cards (meaning no N's(needs improvement), and no 3's(unsatisfactory). So dd NEVER got recognixed even though her report cards have improved over time..but she still had N's because of her ADHD and the Karate school did not care that she improved, they would not publicly recognize it like they did for the kids who had NO N's or 3's. So we just stop going.

birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 12:20 PM

You are making assumptions based on a few paragraphs.  I do zip zero for myself.  All of my time and money is spent on my kids and their activities and supporting their school work. Why?  Because between working full time, supporting the kids and trying to keep a house and a marriage together there really isn't a lot left over.

We aren't in the poor house but I do think that the amount of money spent on this could be used for better things.  (by the way things for her not for me)

We've been doing this for two years with very little advancement and lot of time and $$ spent on it. The problem with karate is that there is no end. Unlike other sports that have a season.

Quoting elkmomma:

Yup Karate takes a lot of time and $$.  You don't make it sound like it's financially hurting you; but rather that you think your time is better off somewhere else spend on you .  I guess I was blessed with parents who thought their time was best spend encouraging us kids to do whatever and would bend over backwards to make sure got do do them if at all possible.

 

birdandchicks
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 12:24 PM

 You know.  They always say that karate is good for kids with ADHD problems.  I found this not to be the case either. 

My dd's twin who has adhd also was in the program also.  It was absolutely the worst activity for her.  She stressed out on the testings.  At one point her twin sister advanced without her.  (how is that for confidence building) There wasn't enough going on to hold her attention. 

It was a blessing when I finally convinced her to switch to a different activity.  I'd do the same thing for her sister except she is already involved in so much.

Quoting Morrigan333:

My dd was in Jui Jitsu. From age 7 till about 8 1/2. I didn't so much encourage her to quit as much as i ALLOWED her to quit. She was frustrated that she couldn't "do" the moves, poses,etc, and dd has ADHD and SPD which was awful for her for several reasons. One of which, her Karate school only gave recoginition to those kids with Perfect report cards (meaning no N's(needs improvement), and no 3's(unsatisfactory). So dd NEVER got recognixed even though her report cards have improved over time..but she still had N's because of her ADHD and the Karate school did not care that she improved, they would not publicly recognize it like they did for the kids who had NO N's or 3's. So we just stop going.

 

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