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Why are girls so mean to each other?

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 9:39 AM
  • 9 Replies

I wish I could say it started in middle school, but thinking back, there has always been mean girls.  I mean just mean-spirited girls. Most are pretty on the surface but a demon on the inside.  I know it relates to jealousy, insecurity, hormones etc...but dang!!!!    My child isn't perfect, but I like to believe that she treats 99% of the kids nicely, However, leately is seems that her  'good' friends are turning mean.  What's sad, is that even as adults, women can be so mean and judgemental to one another.

by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 9:39 AM
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by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I asked the same question not long ago. It is sad and frustrating. I feel your pain. I tell DD as matter of factly as I can that this is normal and will happen and to not particiapte. That she can be well liked without putting others down. That one or two or 10 mean girls does not make you any less, but reflects on them. And on and on. It totally bites though doesnt it? Sorry. :(

by Valeri on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:11 AM

It's a power trip and once they get a feel for it...they want more.  Just make sure that she knows not to follow in their lead and, when necessary, stand up to them.  She may lose them as friends.....but I'm sure she wouldn't want to have friends like that anyways.

by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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There are some nice ones in the mix.  You just need to find them, which makes friends that much more meaningful.

by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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I tell dd that its better to have a few close friends than a ton of "friends" that always talk about others.
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by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 1:14 PM

Ugh.My dd is going through this. Just found out a few of her "friends"were talking about her behind her back (to impress the popular crowd) they were making fun of her because she studies too much (really?Is that all you have?) She is very torn and hurt. I explained how some need to tear others down to feel better about themselves... but still it really stinks.

by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 3:22 PM
My DH is always warning my DD that girls are nasty! Lol! Girls go thru a lot of levels when it comes to friends. Next year the girl that was rallying the others may end up being her best friend. I think girls are always trying to find that personality that they think is cool or is right. Where boys don't care what people think so their personalities are more genuine. The only thing you can do is teach her how to respond to the negativism. I've told my DD to come straight out and ask the negative Nancy why there is a problem. Sometimes it takes someone to be direct to stop it.
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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 7:00 AM
My daughter has had this same problem since 4th grade. She is now in 6th grade. I hope it gets better next year. She has one bf and I told her that's all she needs. Girls can be so mean. And my daughter is very sensitive and always gets caught in the middle. Its even worse when mothers get I'm to it.
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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:55 AM

I was shocked to find that even little girls do this!  My DD went through this in 2nd - 4th grade. In 5th grade she was able to completely remove herself from a group of girls who lived it.  Even then, a girl who had been her bf (when bf was in the mood) and was angry that DD was no longer under her 'control', would do all kinds of things, including lying and saying that DD did things to her, like hit her or tripped her, just to try to get her into trouble. She was saying these things just loudly enough to hope a teacher would overhear.  Before one did,  I called the school counselor and she was able to pour some cold water on that.

The whole thing broke my heart.  DD was so sweet and trusting and was shocked when it all started.  By 5th grade she was hardened.  I would talk with her and she would say, "Well I've learned what the world is really like Mom. People aren't nice. You just have to know how to deal with it."

For middle school (6th this year) we moved her to a small private school.  We did it for a better academic environment and I was worried that these girls, who had been together for years, were going to be tough to break into. I was totally wrong.  We transferred her to school heaven.  Everyone there accepts everyone for who they are.  If you are smart, great, not?  that's fine.  Artistic? yeah!  Not? we all have talents. Like 1D? Lots do. Not into pop-culture?  You're an interesting person.  Her english teacher sent me a quote from something DD had written where she said, "Coming here and being cherished is life changing!"  I wish EVERY girl could have that.

I also wish I knew what was different.  Part of it is that it's so small you can't afford to have enemies.  It's also so small that teachers can easily see what's going on and intervene. 

There are nice girls everywhere, however, and girls have to patiently try out the quiet ones who aren't in the 'popular' crowd.

I do think you it the nail on the head at the END of your post, however: "What's sad, is that even as adults, women can be so mean and judgemental to one another."   Girls who do this, usually have mothers that do, or mothers who are so busy they are blind to what their daughter is actually doing.  Unfortunately, I don't think this really calms down until college.  Until then, the girls are in a petri dish and some of the microbes are a virus! 

(Completely true that it's different with boys. DS 14 NEVER encountered anything like it.)


by Bronze Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:04 PM

It's crazy how early this mean girl stuff starts! And I don't get why it happens.

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