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"I have no social life, because of you", states my 11 yo

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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ok, hello?!..in my opinion an 11 yo doesnt need a busy, busy social life, but that may be me. we are a large family. i have five kids; ages 15, 11, 7, 3 and 2.  we are very busy anyway, with school, homework, sports, family fun time, etc... i let him have friends over and he has one close friend that i let him go over to his house. i know the mother and shes great.  but he asks to do things with friends that i just dont feel comfortable with.  keeping in mind that we live in a big city, too, not a small town.  after school sometimes the kids walk from school to a fastfood place that really isnt very close by the school and its on a busy street. i dont let him.  his friends go to an open gym that has an entrance fee of $20, on friday nights. Hello? is it just me or is that a bit steep? tonight we are taking the kids skating and its only 7$ per person, which is do-able.  he also asks to go to the mall with his friends. i dont feel comfortable with that, either.  also, what do you all have for curfew times? the boy that we are taking with us to go skating tonight is saying he and some friends are going to open gym afterwards, which would be about 9:30pm.  i feel like im the strictest mom ever. sigh.

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mgm_5
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 4:46 PM
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when i was 11 i was busy playing sports so that was the extent of socializing i was worried about doing... yea an 11 yr old does not need a social life

girlsclubmom
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:11 PM

I would not let my son at 11 go to the mall by himself and 20 is a lot of money. Maybe I would let him go to the open gym once a month if I could swing it. Maybe he could do some jobs at home to earn the money. I would try to get to know the other friends moms so he could go to friends homes. Also f you trust him and he has a cell phone you  can txt him often and pick him up if something is going on you do not approve of. My 12 yo DD has gone to houses where I dont really know the family well (playdayes - not sleepovers) she is very trutworthy and I know she will txt me if anything is going on that I wouldnt approve of. I also go over the long list of what she is/is not allowed to do - play and watch,I am one of the stricter parents too - its tough in this permissive society.

TheartAH
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:44 PM
At 11 I was spending a lot of time at friends houses and going to the mall in my own (with friends). We did live in a smaller town though. Dd8 is begging to have sleepovers but there is one friends parent that I know well enough for that. I haven't really thought about curfew yet at this point! 930 does seen late though.
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azmommy21
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:49 PM
We have the gym thing here and my little brother gose they make it 10 if you bring a can of food see if yours dose the same thing
Bellebean10
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:49 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm with you. Sounds like good parenting to me.

GleekingOut
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:32 AM

At 11 - My DD would leave the house by 10.30 to go to the park. There was a group of kids ranging from 7-12 that would all meet up and play together. They would go from the park, to a front yard, sometimes to watch a movie at a friend's house. All the kids lived in the same street, I knew all of the parents and I had 2 rules, Ask permission before you go swimming, (I prefered swimming play dates to be pre-planned) and you come back and ask permission if an older sibling is home NOT a parent. The kids all had the same routine, 10.30 - 12.30 they'd play - 12.30 they'd have lunch, by 1.30 they'd be back out and DD knew she'd find them somewhere throughout the street. But these days, nope. My DS is 9 and has WAAAAYYYY less freedom than my DD did at 9 simply because of the environment we now live in.

coolmommy2x
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:24 AM
JMO but I agree with your son. He needs a social life and more than one friend he can hang out with. By social life I don't mean every minute of everyday should be doing fun, expensive stuff.

DS is 12. He's allowed to walk to friends' houses in the area or to the school to play basketball. He belongs to the Y (horray for free membership for 7th graders) so many times I've dropped him off for a few hours. Sometimes he goes with friends, sometimes he goes alone. I don't have a curfew for him. We live in a large suburb...if he's out, chances are he has to be picked up or dropped off so him walking around at night doesn't really happen. Everyone seems to be finished at the same time so it's rare that one kid has to go home while everyone is still out having fun.
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mjande4
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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This is us to a tee.  My sons are 10 and 12 and this is our philosophy too.

Quoting coolmommy2x:

JMO but I agree with your son. He needs a social life and more than one friend he can hang out with. By social life I don't mean every minute of everyday should be doing fun, expensive stuff.

DS is 12. He's allowed to walk to friends' houses in the area or to the school to play basketball. He belongs to the Y (horray for free membership for 7th graders) so many times I've dropped him off for a few hours. Sometimes he goes with friends, sometimes he goes alone. I don't have a curfew for him. We live in a large suburb...if he's out, chances are he has to be picked up or dropped off so him walking around at night doesn't really happen. Everyone seems to be finished at the same time so it's rare that one kid has to go home while everyone is still out having fun.



BKozICan
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this

11 is still pretty young. Trust me, I deal with 11 year olds through scouts and they are idiots in a group. Ones who are great individually turn into little morons in the group setting, feeding off each other and driving each other to more stupid choices.

kerri1205
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:26 AM

It is a tough process to let go.  Our 11 yo is in middle school this year and because of our goofy district is seperated from most of his elementary school friends.  I do make sure I have met the parents before a sleepover, etc...., but I do remind him that he knows our expectations and that with new families I do not know theirs - he is to live within our expectations.  I go thru his texts quite often and have a good sense of his new friends.  He has a couple of times done things with a group of boys and girls together and that I'm more strict on and have a tight time limit.  At 11 we were still in elementary school, but times are different and we need to adjust a little while still keeping a watchul eye over things.

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