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Tween Titans Tween Titans

It is SOO hard to let go sometimes! Long.

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:02 PM
  • 11 Replies
My 13 yr DS has come across a " frenemy" I guess. This peer " D", is very passive aggressive to my son. They will be crossing paths frequently all through high school and DS tell me of these weird encounters with D when they happen.

It isn't " bullying" .... There is no aggression just odd. Examples: D gave every kid in history class his number but ds stating he didn't want my son to call him in a sneering tone.

Then another time they were making up work in the same classroom and D tells DS " sometimes I have mood swings about you. Sometimes I think you are hilarious , sometimes I absolutely hate you or find you annoying. I know we have stuff in common and you will always just BE in my classes because we both have high scores."
DS.didn't know what to say or do so he just said "I've got no problem with you. You and were okay last year. I like you, we are not in competition."

Well, they've been paired up for an art class project. ( yay.) DS talked to me tonight explain the D is playing passive agressive yet again... This time, too the point of telling my son they are not partners ( teacher pairs, they are)

After explaining that before the wheel was invented, I used to pass actual, handwritten notes to my friends in the hall or slip it in thier locker. :-p

I suggested a note with no aggression and no exclamation points. Say what he needs to and tell this kid to pick a side.

He likes this idea very much, i asked if he wanted my help ( no) may i read it if I promise not to make suggestions? ( I need to do this myself)

Lol do you know how bad I want to look it it over for POV and intent of voice? Driving me nuts!
But he is right, it's time I let him try to fix his own issues ....and be back up at a moments notice. :-)
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:56 PM
Bump
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wakymom
by Silver Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I know how hard it is to not step in sometimes. I have this problem when my 7 y/o dd and her friends atart arguing when playing. I want to step in, but I know they need to learn to sort it out on their own. 

I'm impressed w/ how your ds is handling the whole thing.






elkmomma
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM

One of the hardest things we can do is let them grow up and handle their own crap.  I would love to protect DS from every evil or vile thing, but I can't.  All I can do is try to guide him as best I can.  Sounds like your doing just that, letting him grow up.

hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Yes, I think he is trying his best to not antagonize this child anymore than needed as he's apparently done " something"
I, personally think it's jealousy, like this kid sees my son as an academic/ social competion, ( which makes no sense) hang in the same circle of friends. But I will let him do the note....if it continues, I will not hestitate to call the guidance counselor as this her job .

Quoting wakymom:

I know how hard it is to not step in sometimes. I have this problem when my 7 y/o dd and her friends atart arguing when playing. I want to step in, but I know they need to learn to sort it out on their own. 

I'm impressed w/ how your ds is handling the whole thing.






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Roo1234
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:51 PM

You are wrong...this kid is a bully, but this kid is doing it more like a girl would rather than the full on aggression we think of with boy bullying.

I tis wonderful that you are supporting your son and helping him to find the tools to deal with this himself.  

janomoma
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:01 AM

sounds like a weirdo...i would have your ds steer clear ....just the fact that "D" said sometimes i hate you is a red flag....you never can tell when kids are going to snap....becareful

hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:37 AM
I totally agree! There were some children absent today so D snagged someone else's partner and DS ask to be a " third" in a partnership just to keep the peace.

You know, you can't help but think ' what has my child done to this kid that he hasn't told me?' POOF! Then you remember it could be because he simply breathes precious air.

Quoting janomoma:

sounds like a weirdo...i would have your ds steer clear ....just the fact that "D" said sometimes i hate you is a red flag....you never can tell when kids are going to snap....becareful

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coolmommy2x
by Bronze Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:24 AM
DS went through something similar a few years ago but it was the teacher who brought it to my attention and got us through it. I told DS that "I" really wasn't his friend and to stay away from him. The teacher made sure they were never paired together. Even the gym teacher noticed and stepped in.

Then they were together on a baseball team and things just worked out and now 2 years later they're friends. Not best friends or really hang out friends but they're on the bus together, they're on the same team again, they have no problems, they talk to each other. Sometimes things just work themselves out.

That said, if D is taking other partners on this project, I think the teacher should know. I wouldn't want DS's grade to possibly be affected because of the other kid.
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hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:22 AM
I did let her know that DS was pressed to join another group because his partner refused to work with him. She assured me it was a participatory grade and since ds found a way to participate, even within another group, he was fine, but she'd watch out for any problems between them and alert guidance, myself, and D's parents.

Quoting coolmommy2x:

DS went through something similar a few years ago but it was the teacher who brought it to my attention and got us through it. I told DS that "I" really wasn't his friend and to stay away from him. The teacher made sure they were never paired together. Even the gym teacher noticed and stepped in.



Then they were together on a baseball team and things just worked out and now 2 years later they're friends. Not best friends or really hang out friends but they're on the bus together, they're on the same team again, they have no problems, they talk to each other. Sometimes things just work themselves out.



That said, if D is taking other partners on this project, I think the teacher should know. I wouldn't want DS's grade to possibly be affected because of the other kid.
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coolmommy2x
by Bronze Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Great!

Quoting hollydaze1974:

I did let her know that DS was pressed to join another group because his partner refused to work with him. She assured me it was a participatory grade and since ds found a way to participate, even within another group, he was fine, but she'd watch out for any problems between them and alert guidance, myself, and D's parents.



Quoting coolmommy2x:

DS went through something similar a few years ago but it was the teacher who brought it to my attention and got us through it. I told DS that "I" really wasn't his friend and to stay away from him. The teacher made sure they were never paired together. Even the gym teacher noticed and stepped in.





Then they were together on a baseball team and things just worked out and now 2 years later they're friends. Not best friends or really hang out friends but they're on the bus together, they're on the same team again, they have no problems, they talk to each other. Sometimes things just work themselves out.





That said, if D is taking other partners on this project, I think the teacher should know. I wouldn't want DS's grade to possibly be affected because of the other kid.
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