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Her first crush!

Posted by on May. 2, 2013 at 12:09 AM
  • 14 Replies

My daughter has her first crush on a boy from her class. A couple weeks ago she asked him "Do you want to hang out sometime?"  and he didn't say anything. The next day he said "do you want to exchange phone numbers?" which they did.

I met him this week when I chaperoned a field trip at school. Nice kid. He hinted to her yesterday when he was free and she got up the nerve to call him, after I made her finish her homework. It went to voicemail. Then he called back and they arranged to get together. And they played soccer with some other kids from their class who live nearby his house.

So... she was really nervous..... and I am entering uncharted territory! What does a mom do when boys start calling? My little girl is growing up. BOYS!! AHHHH!!!   I can tell she gets embarrassed and bashful about this boy from her class.  This is different than the kid she had playdates with since preschool, who incidently has a crush on her.

by on May. 2, 2013 at 12:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
wandep
by on May. 2, 2013 at 7:20 AM

No clue but good luck. That is cute. :)

SweetLuci
by on May. 2, 2013 at 8:01 AM

 I found this on About.com. I hope it's helpful.

when your teen has a crush, their feelings are real and shouldn't be ignored or devalued. If you are lucky enough to hear about your teen's crush, take it as a signal to help them deal with this wonderful new phase in their lives, as opposed to lamenting about how much they are growing up or boasting that they aren't allow to date yet because they are too young. These things will not dissuade their feelings, as humans, that would be impossible to do. But you can help your teen handle their feelings of 'crazy puppy love' in a semi-grown up and mature fashion. Here are tips to help you deal with your teen who has a crush:

Talk to them about love, dating and sex. These things may go hand-in-hand, so to speak, but they are three different things and you need to tell your teen the differences. Share with your teen that to have a fulfilling loving relationship, you need to get to know someone. Love is not just the butterflies in your stomach feelings you get when that person is in the room. That is just a small part of it. When you have those feelings, and they are reciprocated by the other person, then you spend time getting to know them through dating. All the while your teen will need to be told about your family values and physical relationships that involve sex.

Set the limits. Crushes don't often end up as long lasting relationships but they do come with some problems that you will need to nip in the bud, especially if the crush is reciprocated. The one that most often annoys family members is the use the phone. If your teen has a cell phone, they will always be on it. Texting friends about what the object of the crush said that day, talking to the crushie, etc. It makes it hard to get their attention, plus they may ignore responsibilities that need to be completed. All of these things can be handled by talking with your teen and coming up with a win-win strategies that get their chores and school work done and give them time to spend with their special someone. Using parenting contracts can help with this.

Avoid power struggles. You can do this by communicating openly with your teen and being fair about what they can and cannot do. For instance, if your teen wants to go to the movies with a date and you feel they are too young to go on one-to-one dates, allow them to go to the movies with a group of friends where the date is included. Compromise is the name of the game.

Be there to listen. While you can share your dating stories if they add to the benefits of the conversation, listen to your teen more than talk. Pay attention to what is going on with their crush. This is especially important as crushes don't always end up becoming relationships. Be a shoulder to cry on, the person to prop them up and give them space when they need it. You'll be able to figure out which one your teen needs as you go and you can even ask them what they want from you if you are unsure.

brownhoney21
by on May. 2, 2013 at 8:02 AM

 I don't look forward to this.

louannwilkins
by on May. 2, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Aww....isn't it so sweet????   lol  I love it and I SO remember having crushes on guys at school.    :)

mjimaging
by on May. 2, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Good luck. DD says there aren't any cute boys in her school although there are boys that like her. DH has had discussions with her about beig nice to boys that like her. Not saying she needs to go out with them but not to be mean to make them go away. DH doesn't want her to date until she's 30 but I have a feeling she will find a boy she likes in highschool.
TigerofMu
by on May. 2, 2013 at 9:29 PM

How old are they?  I would just set limits and make sure you answer any questions that she has.  Help her to be wise about how and where they spend their time.

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 9:42 PM

 Awwww, that is such a cute time in their lives.  I agree with you needing to set limits.  Having her finish homework before calling him was great, that sets the tone that school work comes first.  You will need to figure out how much talking on the phone you will permit.  Is texting, or IMing permitted?  Will you be comfortable with them hanging out alone or would you prefer that they hang out in a group setting?

mom22tumblebugs
by Member on May. 3, 2013 at 8:59 AM

She is 10 and in 4th grade.

luvmy2gurlz0405
by on May. 3, 2013 at 12:52 PM

 My DD is 10 in the 4th grade also, she is going through the same thing with her having her first crush. Her birthday was Monday and he got her a present, and his mom sent me a text this morning saying he wanted her to come to his baseball game tonight if she can..lol. I thought it would bother me more, but its really innocent, they are the best of friends. She is very athletic and is into hunting and sports, I think that is what he likes about her. Not to mention she's a doll :) As long as they aren't trying to be "grown" I'm ok with them saying they are "going out"


Quoting mom22tumblebugs:

She is 10 and in 4th grade.


 

momofsixangels
by on May. 3, 2013 at 4:06 PM

Gl! Now the fun begins.Lol. Just be there for her when her heart gets broken. 

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