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Kissing.... and how do you make the punishment fit that??

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:57 PM
  • 21 Replies

Oye, at risk of making myself feel like a bad mom worse than I do.. I am at wits end with my daughter (11). She recently "dated" this boy that she "loved", well he convinced her to kiss him, and then some more with tongue. That was 3 mths ago. So 2 nights ago she was late coming in, I go on a recon mission and catch her with a different neighbor boy and she "chicken pecked" him!! My daughter and I used to be really close, but here lately she lies about EVERYTHING right to my face. She doesn't care, and she is self absorbed. Grounding, taking items, writing sentences, busting her butt and nothing she is still up to no good. My SO and I have 16 years difference between us so, there is a generational gap between us. I feel she is acting out because she feels we are always telling her "no" so she just does what she wants. SO just says "she is going to mess up again" 9 times out of 10 she does but she is 11. I need new punishments and I need to regroup. Anyone else here?

by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
abra
by on May. 29, 2013 at 11:06 PM

Have you sat her down and explained in detail why it is inappropriate to kiss guys in that manner who you aren't planning on marrying? 

lilmissnacole
by on May. 29, 2013 at 11:31 PM

indeed I have. I've explained the social consequences, respect for herself and her family. I have explained how it makes her look to our small community. I've tried it all. The first boy it started as a peck. She got in trouble, then when she was ungrounded it went to full kissing so many times she don't remember how many. She rationalized it by she "loved" him and it "felt right". So, I explained how that may have felt right but obviously it wasn't... then the other night it was just a random boy!

Quoting abra:

Have you sat her down and explained in detail why it is inappropriate to kiss guys in that manner who you aren't planning on marrying? 


Oceanblue0913
by on May. 30, 2013 at 12:27 AM

i so do not know what to tell you!! but hugs to you!!! and good luck.. my daughter did somthing kinda of like this but when i told her she wouldnt be aloud to hang out with him no more, she stopped and i even talked to the boy and made him tell him mom what was going on...so far no problem..good luck hun

louannwilkins
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:27 AM

Wow....I'm not sure what to tell you other than I wouldn't allow her to be out at all.  Not outside, not at a friends house etc....Not out at least until we came to some kind of understanding about this.  I would be worried about it going much further than kissing if she was liking this so much.  It's so hard to be a parent and the kids have so much more to deal with now in my opinion.  I think you need to come on strong with this one and stick to it.  Please let us know what happens and in the meantime vent away to us all you need.    :)

celestegood
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:36 AM


Quoting abra:

Have you sat her down and explained in detail why it is inappropriate to kiss guys in that manner who you aren't planning on marrying? 

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celestegood
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:36 AM
I always agree with your advice! Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.

Quoting louannwilkins:

Wow....I'm not sure what to tell you other than I wouldn't allow her to be out at all.  Not outside, not at a friends house etc....Not out at least until we came to some kind of understanding about this.  I would be worried about it going much further than kissing if she was liking this so much.  It's so hard to be a parent and the kids have so much more to deal with now in my opinion.  I think you need to come on strong with this one and stick to it.  Please let us know what happens and in the meantime vent away to us all you need.    :)

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celestegood
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:36 AM
Hugs are always good.

Quoting Oceanblue0913:

i so do not know what to tell you!! but hugs to you!!! and good luck.. my daughter did somthing kinda of like this but when i told her she wouldnt be aloud to hang out with him no more, she stopped and i even talked to the boy and made him tell him mom what was going on...so far no problem..good luck hun

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celestegood
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:38 AM
Honestly, I would sit her down and talk to her. Try to maybe do supervised "dates", where you/the fam is right there?
Make sure she knows if it happens again, no more "dates", and no more phone, etc....kwim?
Hugs.
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GleekingOut
by Member on May. 30, 2013 at 7:40 AM


This. I wouldn't even let her take out the rubbish alone if that's how she's going to behave. If she's doing this at 11 what will she be doing at 13?

Quoting louannwilkins:

Wow....I'm not sure what to tell you other than I wouldn't allow her to be out at all.  Not outside, not at a friends house etc....Not out at least until we came to some kind of understanding about this.  I would be worried about it going much further than kissing if she was liking this so much.  It's so hard to be a parent and the kids have so much more to deal with now in my opinion.  I think you need to come on strong with this one and stick to it.  Please let us know what happens and in the meantime vent away to us all you need.    :)



lilmissnacole
by on May. 30, 2013 at 4:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I was entertaining this thought. I think she sneaks bc she "feels" we are overbearing. I do mean extreme supervision. However, I've also contemplated bars on the windows, a GPS tracker on her and a chastity belt! Oye.... Thank you all for your advice. We are still working on it. This is one of those times when I wish these kids came with manuals!!

Quoting celestegood:

Honestly, I would sit her down and talk to her. Try to maybe do supervised "dates", where you/the fam is right there?
Make sure she knows if it happens again, no more "dates", and no more phone, etc....kwim?
Hugs.


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