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HELP!!! 10 year old going down the wrong path

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:22 AM
  • 16 Replies

I'm 19 and I have custody of my 3 younger siblings. The oldest of them, McKenzie, turned 10 in Feb. she has been getting into trouble and I am not sure what to do or how to go about disciplining her.

The first incident happened last month. I went in her room to put clean clothes on her bed for her to put away and I see that the white board in her room has something written on it, I walk over to read it and this is what I read in her hand writing, "I hate my life. I hate my parents, they hurt me and my little brother and sister. I want to cut myself. I want to die."    My question is were is my 10 year old sister hearing about this? 

The second incident happened last week. She bought a ipod touch on Monday the 15th with the money she has been saving from her allowance and birthday. She and I had agreed that if she did all her chores, behaved, and wrote about her day in her journal that we made after the first incident,  that she could have the restricted wifi password, she was able to get the password on Thursday the 25th. I get a call on Monday the 29th from my bank while I was at work asking if I approved $400.00 worth of itunes purchases within the past 2 days. I did not want to believe what I was hearing. 

When I got home I asked my younger sister if she knew anything about this, she looked me in the face and said, " Ya, I got bored with the music and apps you put on here, so I took your credit card information and ordered what I wanted to, I figured you wouldn't care."  I have grounded her from all electronics, t.v., friends, I took her allowance away, gave her extra chores to pay off the money she stole from me, I had her go help some elderly neighbors of ours with little things that they needed done that she is able to do. She seems to have a lot of hostility and anger, I don't blame her for having this anger. I have tried to talk to her as an older sister and a friend. I have also taken her to see a counselor, and an art therapist. Nothing seems to be helping. 

What should I do? or don't do? I know their parents were not in the right state of mind to raise them. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to control them but I want them to understand that I am their guardian and they do have to listen to me, but they can also come to me as a big sister.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:12 AM
1 mom liked this
First get counseling for her and for you as a family.

Where did she hear talk of suicide and depression? Its everywhere and not to be taken lightly.

Finally, get her into a sport.or activity that doesn't allow much free time. I would keep her busy and scheduled as much as possible. If she is into music, can she learn am instrument or to sing? Is she into sports? I highly recommend martial arts.for.girls. what about.volunteering somewhere? Our local food pantry lets kids stock shelves, rotate.food,etc. (Behind the scenes stuff)

How about church? Are you religious? How about a youth group?

Maybe a big sister? You need to step up and be mom now, not her friend or confidant!
SisterMomma
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:25 AM

We have been in family counseling for months now and she refuses to talk. We go to church every Sunday the last 2 years I had her in soccer, softball, cheerleading, ice skating, we also did mother/daughter dance classes, kickboxing classes, and yoga. She knows how to play gutair, drums, and flute. She has all her instruments in our "chill-out room" I asked her if she wanted to do any new activities or sign-up for any of the ones she has in the past and she refuses. All she wants to do I stay in her room with all her windows covered. When I make her come down stairs for dinner she will maybe eat 5 bites and say shes full. I'm really worried about her. 

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

First get counseling for her and for you as a family.

Where did she hear talk of suicide and depression? Its everywhere and not to be taken lightly.

Finally, get her into a sport.or activity that doesn't allow much free time. I would keep her busy and scheduled as much as possible. If she is into music, can she learn am instrument or to sing? Is she into sports? I highly recommend martial arts.for.girls. what about.volunteering somewhere? Our local food pantry lets kids stock shelves, rotate.food,etc. (Behind the scenes stuff)

How about church? Are you religious? How about a youth group?

Maybe a big sister? You need to step up and be mom now, not her friend or confidant!


Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:31 AM
Then get a new therapist...maybe she needs meds for a bit.

I don't allow kids to be locked away for extended periods. Sure, be in your room but the door is open unless you are changing or sleeping. All tvs,. computers, game systems and computers are in common areas.

They do have radios or.game boys they can have on their room. The oldest has a smart phone and he uses it mostly.to watch anime. I have strict.parental controls.on the internet.
SisterMomma
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:03 AM

I think that's a necessary thing that I do need to do is get a new counselor.

I have blocks on the wifi, I have a laptop that is in my room, but when they ask to use it they sit at the desk I have in the living room. we don't have cable but I do have a smart T.V that hooks up to the wifi and a stereo system/intercom with speakers in all the rooms in the house. My brother has a leapfrog learning pad that has wifi capability that our older brother got him, he can have in his room until 6:30pm.

I am strongly thinking about taking her door off, until she starts acting more respectful, she can change in the bathroom.

Zamaria
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:40 AM
1 mom liked this
It's awesome that at 19 years old you are willing to step up and raise your siblings.
I agree that you should find a new counselor.
When my oldest wouldn't behave we took everything except two outfits, one pair of shoes, etc. He only had the basics. No electronics, no extra anything. Every day that he was polite and followed the rules, he earned one item back. I chose the items that he earned back, and started with some clothing, then added other things later. It was about a month before he got any electronics back, not even the cell phone that he bought himself. It really seemed to affect him. Maybe something like that would help her too.
I agree with not allowing her to stay shut in her room too. I would make her come out and spend time with the rest of the family. Sure, everyone needs some alone time, but not that much.
good luck! I hope you can find a good counselor who can give you some useful ideas!
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SisterMomma
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for the advice I greatly appreciate it. 

I love my siblings and I've been living on my own since my 14Th birthday.I have my high school diploma, my associates degree and about to start classes for another associates 

mumsy2three
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:53 AM

I would stay in family counselling but also seek a separate counselor for her to see individually. Maybe if she is able to discuss things with a counsellor one on one she may begin to work on the issues/feelings she is having. She may begin to feel like she can share more when you are together in family counselling.

Kudos to you for being there for your siblings. Our dd is 19 and I can only imagine how difficult it would be for her to take on her brothers (11 and 8) if anything happened to me or their dad.

SisterMomma
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:40 PM

It is hard but I am very fortunate God provides, My great grandmother had a 7 bedroom 3 1/2 bathroom house and in her will without anyone knowing until the will was read she had left the house and a large sum of money to me, my daughter, and my siblings. Even thou I do not need to be working a full time job I still am to try to be a positive role model for my younger siblings.

Quoting mumsy2three:

I would stay in family counselling but also seek a separate counselor for her to see individually. Maybe if she is able to discuss things with a counsellor one on one she may begin to work on the issues/feelings she is having. She may begin to feel like she can share more when you are together in family counselling.

Kudos to you for being there for your siblings. Our dd is 19 and I can only imagine how difficult it would be for her to take on her brothers (11 and 8) if anything happened to me or their dad.


sonshining
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:53 PM

Wow oh Wow SisterMomma! You got your hands full and you sound quite mature for 19! So - she sounds like she will be a challenge, and she's only ten! Agreed with finding a better counselor, she DOES NEED to open up and talk. Stay consistent with your discipline and don't let up or give in. She has proved she is not mature enough for the Ipad, so keep it until time passes and you feel she's matured. She is young and needs lots of nurturing, because of her parents issue, not sure what happened but she sounds like she's hurting. You sound like a wonderful guardian, continue to pray for God's help and guidance. Hugs, Monica

wyomom4
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:11 PM

 I pretty much agree with what the pp's say. I would however like to add that she needs to be evaluated for depression. No interest in activities that she previously enjoyed, lack of appetite, wanting to be alone, and in the dark. All are warning signs of depression. Her writing that on the whiteboard, was a cry for help. She is having those thoughts and they are serious. I would also make sure that she has nothing sharp in her room. Including pocket knives, razor blades (even a disposable razor), even thumbtacks can be used to self harm. Also lock up ALL medications, even OTC ones like Tylenol.

You are amazing for taking on this responsibility. And they are lucky to have you in their lives.

You can pm me if you want, my youngest is 11, I was a cutter and my sd15 is in treatment for depression/cutting.

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