Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

any advice will help i hope

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:12 PM
  • 4 Replies
I'm a 32 yr old mom. I've got 3/2 kids. My 13 yr old has decided to become my age i guess. He lies to me and his step dad all the time does what he wants when he wants.. I've tried to get cousiling for him his agression only gets worse.. I'm to the point of sending him to a boys home, which i really dont want to. Ijust dont know what to do any advice from anyone..
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-4):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 11:51 PM
How many kids?

What is he acting out about? Any major life changes recently? Is his biodad in the picture?

I would start by saying if biodad is in the pic, you meed to get on the same page. Similar rules and expectations, similar punishments if at all possible.

What kind of activities is he involved in? Doing a sport? Church? Community service? I would have him out doing positive things at least one weekend a month. Boy scouts, 4h, big brothers, volunteering at a homeless shelter, animal rescue, Antlers through an Elks lodge...any of the above where he has positive role models and positive rewards and expectations.

How long has stepdad been around? You need to be the primary parent role model with DS respecting stepdad as any other adult. Dont force DS treat him as dad but as a respected family friend.
AmyLynn5398
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:29 AM

I agree with prior post. In addition... My son is now 15 and I remember he went through a bad phase at about yours son's age.  I caught him lying often and he was becoming more withdrawn from the family.  He also has a step dad in the picture. Luckily I caught it in time and the reason I was able to pick up on it was because I felt the same way he did at his age!  I had a heart to heart with him.  What helped in our situation was my son has always hated to disapoint me so he listened to me even though he was sulking when I talked.  If you do not have that type of relationship with your son I highly recommend a mediator.  Go to counceling together and the third party will help for your son to absorb what you are saying. And do it soon!

As for what I told him.  I did not yell at him, I came to him with a very heart felt but in a serious manner.  I told him that I knew exactly what he was feeling  because I had felt the same way. I told him that he is feeling that his like sucks.  And his parents have no idea how he feels.  And all your thinking is Oh poor me and your attitute is "ALL ABOUT ME".  You dont think of anyone else but yourself.  But what you have to realize is everything you do affects the family.  It isnt just about you!  Your lies and your actions are affecting us.  (I gave him an example of how his one lie affected the whole family).  I told him how I see him pulling away.  I dont remember all I said but it was just me and him.  Luckily I caught it early and I totally related what he was going through.  Are you able to connect with him?  Because he has agression then there is an issue that is very deep.  Do not stop on the counseling!!!!   After my son and I talked he admitted that was exactly how he was feeling!  He was depressed and he was thinking only of himself, that he was not thinking of anyone else.  Because your son is showing aggression it sounds like it is much further along.  I would still have a talk with him and find out where he stands.  He needs to know that you are the parent and you do love him and want the best for him even though he may not believe it.  He needs to have consequences for his actions...if you let that go then he will walk all over you.  Communication is key here! 

Today my son is back to being very connected with the family, when ever I feel he is pulling away I remind myself to open the communication up and start talking to him. 


stuswf
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:36 PM

Go on a camping trip with no technology / hike & reconnect 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:02 PM
I would ONLY suggest this if they are already experienced in the outdoors. The last thing you need with a sulky, unhappy child is to have them run off and get lost!


Quoting stuswf:

Go on a camping trip with no technology / hike & reconnect 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)