My daughter is 13, and is having an issue with 'friends'. For a little background, here's the deal. Her, Rachel, and Bella were all friends a few years ago in elementary school- she considered Bella her BFF. Two years ago, Bella moved away, but they maintained some contact through texting, etc. During that time, her and Rachel 'broke up' and were no longer friends as Rachel started being really mean and trying to be popular so she tried to get attention by making fun of my daughter. Lately, my daughter has been making an effort to be friendly with Rachel, not friends, but friendly so that things wouldn't be so awkward and tense when they saw each other.
Fast forward to now. Bella moved back to our area about a month ago. My daughter was over the moon about this. But she finds out that Bella and Rachel have been hanging out a lot and leaving her out. She found out that they were attending the local high school football game together and hadn't invited her. My husband ended up taking our daughter to that game. She could see Bella and Rachel across the way, and texted Bella to say that she was there. She saw Bella look at her text and dismiss it, never responded. She came home broken hearted.
The next day, Bella texted her and said 'oh sorry, just saw your text, my phone was dead yesterday'. Well this was the end of it for my daughter. She hates liars, and this just cemented the fact that Bella is more into Rachel than her, and is trying to be with the popular crowd. So she has just been ignoring Bella's texts, and this is her plan going forward. (they don't attend the same school, so they don't often just run into each other).
I'm so sad for my daughter, she has been crying a lot about this. She is very non-confrontational, very much an avoider. I want her to handle this in her own way, as this sadly won't be the only time that friends do this do her. But I feel like she should say something to Bella, not a full on confrontation, just saying 'I saw you ignore me', 'you hurt my feelings'.... something. Should I encourage her to say something or just let her ignore her? Bella has not been a good friend this go-round, but I don't think it's right to just ice someone out. I don't think this is a good life skill! I really do want my daughter to be able to handle her own problems, just not sure how far I can or should encourage her.
As a side note, if anyone has high school girls could you share what transitions take place from middle school to high school friendships? My daughter will start high school next year. I am really hoping that the norm is that some friendships change going from middle to high school- for everyone, so that my daughter has a chance to make some new, quality friends going forward. What was it like for your daughter? Any stories will certainly be helpful! I hate feeling that every other girl has a fantastic set of friends and my girl got stuck with the stinkers! Thanks everyone, I know this was long and involved. I appreciate the support.
on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:51 AM