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Tween Titans Tween Titans

I am not sure if I want her labeled that much.....

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:01 AM
  • 16 Replies

 Ok so dd is 11 yrs old.

She is an ISP class for SN kids. She is intrograded into regular classroom settings for certain subjects like music, science, history, gym and a few others.

She is severly behind in reading (but getting better) she is behind in math as well, but only behind by 2 grades, where as reading she is behind by 4 grade levels. She is ODD ADHD, Aspergers, has  cognitive delay.

Now we had a consult yesterday at a child and family centre to look at bettering our option with her counceling and therapy for her ODD and her compulsive anger issues that she has and having a hard time controling.

They threw disability for her on the table. And I am uncomfortable with it. I mean in a lot of ways it will up us with the free therapy and counceling and tutoring programs that they offer for kids who are "only" on disability. I can pay for all her treatments that is not an issue, but it would be nice for us to have above average options for her, from more qualified professionals then what she would get without being on disability.

But my major concern is, that she will be labeled has disabled for the rest of her life. She is very smart in the areas that really speak to her, and she can function normally, she just has trouble in certain areas, like the reading is number 1, she just does not get it, no matter how much we work on it its a huge struggle for her.

But around here once a child is labeled as disabled and gets on disability it is a life long thing. I do not want this for my dd. I have 2 friends who were put on disability as young children and it has hindered both of them for college options and as well as in the work force. I know it is going to take a lot of work for my dd to pull herself up by the time she graduates from high school (only grade 6 now) But I 100% believe it can be done.

She wants to be an Architect. But the high school she wants to attend that has an amazing prep program into that field is all advanced classess. From math to science to english and so on. This is my dd's dream, she is obsessed with this being her profession. And I believe she can do it. Yes its going to take a lot of hard work from her and myself to get her there and its my top prority in life to get her there.

I am just so....blah about this. I keep thinking that the extra resources that come with it will help her with her education. But by getting her "labeled" in this manor she will never have the option/choice to get into that school EVER. And without it she cannot get into the college courses she needs to be a architect.

What do I do????

If it was your child how would you proceed with this? I dont want to make the wrong decsion for her, its her life. I am just so confused right now on what to do. I want to help her embrace her dreams to the fullest, and I believe her dream is very realistict to be an architect we just really need to work on those important math skills that go along with building. She wants to make a difference, her goal is to design and build homes for the less fortunate. She wants to work for homes for habitat. (awesome)

On a second note. I am a little annoyed at a rule her schools has. 

 since she is in the ISP class she is not allowed to take french class EVER, they do not allow it. DD had french class in her elementary school from kinder to grade 5 and she is really good in french, all A's every year. I had no idea she didnt take french at her Junior High school. Here teacher called on Friday and said she just noticed that she had taken it at her last school and how well she had did in it. And said she would talk to the principal about working something out in the class schedule and sending dd to take french.....and he said NO. She is not allowed to take it. DD is very sad about this too, she loves french. I think its stupid she cant take it.

And she would only miss art class to take french too, if it were english or math I would agree that she would need to stay in her ISP class to take math, but its art, dd loves art class but would love to continue in french. So now for the next 3 years she will not have french, but then it will be mandatory to take in high school. Blah.....what do we do, I am not french at all so I cant teach her french.

 

by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bzzybeemomof3
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:08 AM

BUMP!

embrigmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:14 AM

Really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do if this was my dd. Because like you said there would be a lot more help she could get if she was labled, but then wouldn't be able to go to the high school that would help put her on track for her dream job.

I guess I would talk to the high school and be sure that she wouldn't be able to go there if she was labled and why, I'd also make sure it was leagel for them to not allow her to attened because of the label.

Maybe look into hirng a tutor of your own to work with her.

IDK Here's a bump! Good luck!

Zamaria
by Silver Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:17 AM
That is a tough situation! I am dealing with similar issues with my six year old. We are holding off on "labels" for now. However, I do know that in Indiana they can be reversed. When we got my oldest he was 7 years old. He had been diagnosed with ADD, ODD, and something else that I can't remember. We had him reevaluated and the diagnosis reversed.
I am considering homeschooling my six year old because of difficulties with the school. If that isn't an option for you, or if you feel that she is better off going to a traditional school, maybe consider private French lessons if you can't reach an agreement with the school. I would look into it though, and if she works with a therapist, don't hesitate to involve them. My oldest had a therapist that really went to bat for him with the school. It helped a lot. Maybe her therapist can work something out with the principal.
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bzzybeemomof3
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:21 AM

 It is legal for them to do that, cause it is a school for all advanced children only. No SN courses or anything. And where I live if you are "labled" and on disablitity they are not allowed to put you in anything other then SN classes, even for college, she would have to go to a class called "building bridges" and it is for persons with learning disabilities and on disability.

What it does is teach you life skills and work on any strengths you have and on the struggles you have. They find you work placements with in your means...which is working at Mcdonalds or in other min wage jobs, no "real" education oppertunities.

I feel like no matter what choice I make for her, it wil be the wrong one...that is how I feel right now.

Quoting embrigmom:

Really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do if this was my dd. Because like you said there would be a lot more help she could get if she was labled, but then wouldn't be able to go to the high school that would help put her on track for her dream job.

I guess I would talk to the high school and be sure that she wouldn't be able to go there if she was labled and why, I'd also make sure it was leagel for them to not allow her to attened because of the label.

Maybe look into hirng a tutor of your own to work with her.

IDK Here's a bump! Good luck!

 

embrigmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:27 AM

So sorry to hear all this. Wish I could give you more helpful advice. I'm sure you will make the choice that works best for your dd. Do you have other people you can talk this over with? 


Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 It is legal for them to do that, cause it is a school for all advanced children only. No SN courses or anything. And where I live if you are "labled" and on disablitity they are not allowed to put you in anything other then SN classes, even for college, she would have to go to a class called "building bridges" and it is for persons with learning disabilities and on disability.

What it does is teach you life skills and work on any strengths you have and on the struggles you have. They find you work placements with in your means...which is working at Mcdonalds or in other min wage jobs, no "real" education oppertunities.

I feel like no matter what choice I make for her, it wil be the wrong one...that is how I feel right now.

Quoting embrigmom:

Really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do if this was my dd. Because like you said there would be a lot more help she could get if she was labled, but then wouldn't be able to go to the high school that would help put her on track for her dream job.

I guess I would talk to the high school and be sure that she wouldn't be able to go there if she was labled and why, I'd also make sure it was leagel for them to not allow her to attened because of the label.

Maybe look into hirng a tutor of your own to work with her.

IDK Here's a bump! Good luck!

 


 

bzzybeemomof3
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:27 AM

 I feel so hopeless.

I mean I can put it off and wait to make my choice if I will put her on disability. I am not going to walk into this lightly at all. But the hard choice to make will still always be there. Andf its hard talking to dd about this kind of choice cause she does not at her age fully get how it will effect her whole life.

Quoting Zamaria:

That is a tough situation! I am dealing with similar issues with my six year old. We are holding off on "labels" for now. However, I do know that in Indiana they can be reversed. When we got my oldest he was 7 years old. He had been diagnosed with ADD, ODD, and something else that I can't remember. We had him reevaluated and the diagnosis reversed.
I am considering homeschooling my six year old because of difficulties with the school. If that isn't an option for you, or if you feel that she is better off going to a traditional school, maybe consider private French lessons if you can't reach an agreement with the school. I would look into it though, and if she works with a therapist, don't hesitate to involve them. My oldest had a therapist that really went to bat for him with the school. It helped a lot. Maybe her therapist can work something out with the principal.

 

bzzybeemomof3
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:32 AM

 Ya I do.

But no one really gets it. Everyone just says do what they want, put her on it. No one seems to think she will do what she wants anyways. Its horrible no real support. I know kids change their minds on what they want to do, but she has not changed her mind since she was 3 yrs old, that has to mean something right?

I do not want to be the reason  my dd gets nowhere in life. She is very bright and above average then some of peers in certain areas. But extremely behind in other.

I just want to scream and runaway (not really) runaway, but you get my point (hopefully) lol

Quoting embrigmom:

So sorry to hear all this. Wish I could give you more helpful advice. I'm sure you will make the choice that works best for your dd. Do you have other people you can talk this over with? 

 

Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 It is legal for them to do that, cause it is a school for all advanced children only. No SN courses or anything. And where I live if you are "labled" and on disablitity they are not allowed to put you in anything other then SN classes, even for college, she would have to go to a class called "building bridges" and it is for persons with learning disabilities and on disability.

What it does is teach you life skills and work on any strengths you have and on the struggles you have. They find you work placements with in your means...which is working at Mcdonalds or in other min wage jobs, no "real" education oppertunities.

I feel like no matter what choice I make for her, it wil be the wrong one...that is how I feel right now.

Quoting embrigmom:

Really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do if this was my dd. Because like you said there would be a lot more help she could get if she was labled, but then wouldn't be able to go to the high school that would help put her on track for her dream job.

I guess I would talk to the high school and be sure that she wouldn't be able to go there if she was labled and why, I'd also make sure it was leagel for them to not allow her to attened because of the label.

Maybe look into hirng a tutor of your own to work with her.

IDK Here's a bump! Good luck!

 

 

 

 

embrigmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:40 AM

I totally get your point. And yeah I would think that means something if she hasn't canged her mind since she was 3yrs old. Honestly I would think that if getting her labled would stop her from becomming what she wants to be I wouldn't do it, or try like hell not to, ya know? Try your best to work with her at hom hire a tutor and what ever else you can do. 

Can't imagen not having support from the people around me while dealing with this.

Have you talked to your dd about this? What does she think? 


Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 Ya I do.

But no one really gets it. Everyone just says do what they want, put her on it. No one seems to think she will do what she wants anyways. Its horrible no real support. I know kids change their minds on what they want to do, but she has not changed her mind since she was 3 yrs old, that has to mean something right?

I do not want to be the reason  my dd gets nowhere in life. She is very bright and above average then some of peers in certain areas. But extremely behind in other.

I just want to scream and runaway (not really) runaway, but you get my point (hopefully) lol

Quoting embrigmom:

So sorry to hear all this. Wish I could give you more helpful advice. I'm sure you will make the choice that works best for your dd. Do you have other people you can talk this over with? 

 

Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 It is legal for them to do that, cause it is a school for all advanced children only. No SN courses or anything. And where I live if you are "labled" and on disablitity they are not allowed to put you in anything other then SN classes, even for college, she would have to go to a class called "building bridges" and it is for persons with learning disabilities and on disability.

What it does is teach you life skills and work on any strengths you have and on the struggles you have. They find you work placements with in your means...which is working at Mcdonalds or in other min wage jobs, no "real" education oppertunities.

I feel like no matter what choice I make for her, it wil be the wrong one...that is how I feel right now.

Quoting embrigmom:

Really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sitting here trying to think of what I would do if this was my dd. Because like you said there would be a lot more help she could get if she was labled, but then wouldn't be able to go to the high school that would help put her on track for her dream job.

I guess I would talk to the high school and be sure that she wouldn't be able to go there if she was labled and why, I'd also make sure it was leagel for them to not allow her to attened because of the label.

Maybe look into hirng a tutor of your own to work with her.

IDK Here's a bump! Good luck!

 

 

 

 


 

Zamaria
by Silver Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:49 AM
It is a very hard choice. We fought tooth and nail to keep the school from applying labels to my oldest, because we knew they were wrong. With my six year old, we just aren't sure what's best. Ultimately, you are her mom, and you know her better than anyone. Don't let anyone push you into making choices you aren't ready to make. There is no rush on this, and you should wait until you are comfortable with the decision you make. I wonder if there is a support group for this type of thing in your area? Maybe talking with another parent who has been through this would help, and they may have some good input as far as what you should choose to do.


Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 I feel so hopeless.


I mean I can put it off and wait to make my choice if I will put her on disability. I am not going to walk into this lightly at all. But the hard choice to make will still always be there. Andf its hard talking to dd about this kind of choice cause she does not at her age fully get how it will effect her whole life.


Quoting Zamaria:

That is a tough situation! I am dealing with similar issues with my six year old. We are holding off on "labels" for now. However, I do know that in Indiana they can be reversed. When we got my oldest he was 7 years old. He had been diagnosed with ADD, ODD, and something else that I can't remember. We had him reevaluated and the diagnosis reversed.
I am considering homeschooling my six year old because of difficulties with the school. If that isn't an option for you, or if you feel that she is better off going to a traditional school, maybe consider private French lessons if you can't reach an agreement with the school. I would look into it though, and if she works with a therapist, don't hesitate to involve them. My oldest had a therapist that really went to bat for him with the school. It helped a lot. Maybe her therapist can work something out with the principal.

 


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Momofmenagerie
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:51 AM
I wish my parents had gotten me "labeled" me earlier, perhaps I would have done better in college and not dropped out.

She wouldn't be labeled forever... Because she'd get the LD help she needs now in order to become a fully functioning adult with a possible job she loves, a family if her own.... Children grow out of disabilities if the right intervention is given as early as possible.

No one likes " labels" but they do go away with appropriate help. It's your choice, obviously... But I kind of hope you change your mind.

My life may have been completely different if I had been " labeled" before the last year of high school.
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