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Tween Titans Tween Titans

Help with my 9 year old..

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 11:18 AM
  • 4 Replies

So my son is 9 and he is starting to get this attitude lately towards me and that is not him at all.He has also started being bossy even telling me "No not right now" when he is asked to do something. Then he decided Sunday to lie to his Uncle about taking a shower and when I asked him he lied about lying. This morning he took out the garbage becasue of course its garbage day and I told him to wash his hands after he went inside he came back out and his hands weren't wet and its also laundry day and there are no clean towels out yet so how did he dry his hands. I asked him if he washed his hands and he lied again and after I pointed out that he lied he said " OKay I know there was no reason for lying I don't know why I did it". So I am asking if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this I think he should have some kind of punishment besides "The Lecture". 

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 11:18 AM
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sonshining
by Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Hmm... my advice was just going to be talking to him, but I know you're not wanting to lecture. But talks (not lectures) do work. Find a good time, like a car ride, just the two of you. I did with my ds starting at 9 as well. Be firm and let him know you will ALWAYS know when he's lying and it's not going to work. Emphasize truthful behavior with loads of praise and positive reinforcent. I know telling the truth is expected, but they are challenging new bounderies again, just like being two, so they need to be reminded of consequences. Most of all let him know of your love for him and how you are trying as his Mom to show him good behavior to grow up and be a good young man and make everyone proud.

mama_lively
by New Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 9:46 PM
Yeah I talked to him this mornng but I usually let him sit in his room and think and then we talk again about what he did wrong what he should have done and what he will do next time..


Quoting sonshining:

Hmm... my advice was just going to be talking to him, but I know you're not wanting to lecture. But talks (not lectures) do work. Find a good time, like a car ride, just the two of you. I did with my ds starting at 9 as well. Be firm and let him know you will ALWAYS know when he's lying and it's not going to work. Emphasize truthful behavior with loads of praise and positive reinforcent. I know telling the truth is expected, but they are challenging new bounderies again, just like being two, so they need to be reminded of consequences. Most of all let him know of your love for him and how you are trying as his Mom to show him good behavior to grow up and be a good young man and make everyone proud.


wakymom
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:37 AM

 In our house, lying gets you 2 punishments- one for whatever you lied about and one for lying.

 

 

 

alliweben
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this

 I remember vividly that happening to me growing up!

I agree with using positive reinforcement as much as possibe, yet there are times when negative reinforcement is necessary.   Talking is good, esp. trying to get across the natural consequences of such actions.  Eg., loss of trust.   Giving him time alone to sit and think is good, IMO.   Repeated problems may call for some artificial consequences -- i.e., punishment.  Maybe a longer time alone (time out), loss of privileges, etc.   My husband has made each of our girls write a short essay (one-page, pencil on paper) on why they should not have behaved in such and such a way.   That makes them think while also subjecting them to the drudgery of having to write something.   

Quoting wakymom:

 In our house, lying gets you 2 punishments- one for whatever you lied about and one for lying.

 

 

 

 

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