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Does your son open up to you?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:06 AM
  • 12 Replies

My 11 year old son doesn't open up to me like he used to. Almost anything I ask him, I get minimal answers like "Fine", "Ok" this a usual preteen thing? I asked him if I was hard to talk to, or a "mean mom" and he emphatically told me I wasn't, so I don't know what's going on...

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:06 AM
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:11 AM
Not really. We're very alike so we butt heads a lot. He opens up to DH so I still find out what I need to know.
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by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:41 AM
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This is so normal it's rule number one in How To Behave Like a Tween! :-)

I trap my son in the car with no phone game or radio and we wander the " long" way to wherever we are going.

They are more open when they don't have to make eye contact, particularly boys.

I can get more info about my son's life in one 45 min drive than I can in two weeks worth of meals or face to face chats at home.
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:57 PM
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lol. welcome to preteen yrs. yoyr question of " how was ....?"" is met with. "ok". or "fine". "who were you hanging out with? ""i dont know" or 'friends'

ask questions that cannot be answered with yes no or fine. and dont interrogate him. instead of how was school. ask him what was the best part of Spanish class.
be firm about somethings. like dont allow disrespect but give him space and privacy too. the more relaxed you are he will share a bit more with you.
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:16 PM
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Yes, our sons also have the hormonal changes girls do as adolescents. They will close up not because your "mean" or they're hiding anything. They are simply doing that, "closing up." As mentioned above I have always enjoyed car time because they can look out the window and talk. I wish I could remember the name of the book, but there is a good one called something like, "talking to your teen". It says not to ask questions that could be easliy answered with the "yes, no, ok, or fine". So, yes to your question about a normal preteen thing. And hang in there, find creative ways to have chat sessions and go with it. Show him your love, you haven't changed. Remind him of his significance in your life still

by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 9:54 AM

thanks gals! Its so great to know this is a usual pretten thing. I'll look for that book and ask him questions that can't be answered by a one word answer, and see where we go from there..

by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 11:36 AM
Yes, he does. But we have worked really hard on communication. We have talked about how to carry on a conversation, etc. It isn't something that comes naturally for most kids. I explained to him that when he gives short, one or two word answers it gives the impression that he doesn't want to carry on a conversation. It's kind of rude. So we work on things like when I ask how his day was, instead of saying "fine." he can say something like "fine, I really liked lunch today." or something like that, because that signals to the other person that he does want to talk to them. He doesn't always want to talk, but usually knowing how to hold up his end of the conversation helps a lot.
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by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:48 PM
It is pretty tip I can give you that helps a little with my son is that I take an active interest in whatever he does want to talk about. I have worn out my ears listening to him talk about Minecraft (among other things) but by listening to all of this pays off because he knows I will listen to what he wants to talk about whenever he needs me to listen.
by New Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 5:45 AM

My boys will both open up to me...though it sometimes takes some prying. Especially with my oldest. Sometimes I feel bad for wanting to get answers out of them or wanting them to talk to me. My oldest (who is almost 10) sometimes has trouble verbalizing what he is thinking or how he is feeling, so it's a challenge every once in awhile. But once we start talking, he opens up and we talk about anything and everything. 

I think it's definitely normal though...most days I'll get a lot of "fine" and "okay" too. 

by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:41 PM

 Ds2 has always been one to hold things inside more, but he does talk a little bit.

Ds1 is almost 15 and still will talk w/ me some. Hoping that continues!

Dd definitely talks to me; of course, she's only 8, so time will tell if she keeps it up. She told me earlier this wk that she has a "crush" on 4 boys- which to her means she thinks they are very nice.




by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:46 PM

It's extremely normal for preteens and teens to start closing off certain communication with their parents. Of course, completely isolating themselves from any communication or emotion is cause for concern, but at that age, children feel more comfortable confiding in their peers, rather than mom and dad. My son and I have a very strong relationship, and there isn't much he wont tell me, but when he says, "nothing" in response to me wanting to know what's up, I leave it be. When he wants to talk, and he usually does pretty soon after saying it's nothing, then he knows I'm there to listen.

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