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What do you argue about?

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:04 PM
  • 28 Replies
1 mom liked this

Arguing with your tween has to be the most contentious issue in tween parenting.  We have seen many postings about arguing and what they say or yell and how we react to it.

Here is the big question:  What does your tween argue about?  What is the point they are trying to make?  Do you listen?  How do you react?


by on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mcginnisc
by Member on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:07 PM
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I don't argue with Lilly...she's just a different kid. She is not your typical tween with the attitude. Karli is 9 and would argue with a fence post if given the opportunity. Most of her arguing is with her sister.. She does try to talk back every now and then, but she is getting better. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

coala
by Member on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:41 PM
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We argue about "attitude" and how she "controls" herself when she is angry and frustrated.  We also argue her only hearing "black and white" instructions.  We have to really make sure she understands instructions before we turn her loose.

PrincessAsmommy
by Member on Sep. 24, 2017 at 5:12 PM
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Somedays Anja (11) will argue with anyone over anything. But most of the time she is able to keep a check on her tongue and responses. Andrew (9) isn't hot on arguing (with anyone but his sister) but his attitude can and does get him into trouble more and more often. We're working on helping him understand that not every reaction is appropriate and while it's ok to have a difference of opinion it's not ok to take it to the point of a fight.

Linda_Runs
by Linda on Sep. 24, 2017 at 5:13 PM

What does she argue about with you?  Anything in particular?

Quoting mcginnisc:

I don't argue with Lilly...she's just a different kid. She is not your typical tween with the attitude. Karli is 9 and would argue with a fence post if given the opportunity. Most of her arguing is with her sister.. She does try to talk back every now and then, but she is getting better. 


Linda_Runs
by Linda on Sep. 24, 2017 at 5:14 PM

Wow, how can I ever identifiy with this.  Your reply could have been about my own 10 and 12 year olds.

Quoting coala:

We argue about "attitude" and how she "controls" herself when she is angry and frustrated.  We also argue her only hearing "black and white" instructions.  We have to really make sure she understands instructions before we turn her loose.


Linda_Runs
by Linda on Sep. 24, 2017 at 5:15 PM

Do you let "attitude" slide?

Quoting PrincessAsmommy:

Somedays Anja (11) will argue with anyone over anything. But most of the time she is able to keep a check on her tongue and responses. Andrew (9) isn't hot on arguing (with anyone but his sister) but his attitude can and does get him into trouble more and more often. We're working on helping him understand that not every reaction is appropriate and while it's ok to have a difference of opinion it's not ok to take it to the point of a fight.


awbredux
by Allie on Sep. 24, 2017 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh wow, arguing with my tween is so different from arguing with my teen.   The 12-year-old has always had a smart mouth and she puts it into high gear in disagreements.  The older one argues more directly to the point.  Anyway, with my tween, besides the already-mentioned attitude, a big source of arguments has to do with her feeling that she is more restricted than her sister was at this age.  That isn't the case.  She is really having trouble accepting how rules are different for a 12 year old than a 15 year old.  (My teen, btw, thinks we are more lenient with her sister than we were with her at the same age.)  
Interesting pics with your post.  The girl in the yellow shirt bears some resemblance to my tween when she was a little younger.   I mean besides the pose which is dead on. 

PrincessAsmommy
by Member on Sep. 24, 2017 at 6:07 PM

It depends on the situation and the emotion behind it. If it's a normal day and the snark isn't provoked or the result of some emotional distress of some kind then no it doesn't get to slide. But if I can see something is going on behind the attitude I'll look past it and deal with what's upsetting them as much as possible.

Quoting Linda_Runs:

Do you let "attitude" slide?

Quoting PrincessAsmommy:

Somedays Anja (11) will argue with anyone over anything. But most of the time she is able to keep a check on her tongue and responses. Andrew (9) isn't hot on arguing (with anyone but his sister) but his attitude can and does get him into trouble more and more often. We're working on helping him understand that not every reaction is appropriate and while it's ok to have a difference of opinion it's not ok to take it to the point of a fight.


Powermomof2
by Member on Sep. 24, 2017 at 8:58 PM
This is a great post! :) I argue about my 12 year old DD not wanting to get ready for school in the morning, not cleaning her room, disrespecting and back talking myself and DH. My 9 year old DD back talks and disrespects us as well. They also fight a lot amongst each other, which I know is common, and some of their fights get out of hand because DD9 will purposely do something to DD 12, like take something and hide it and refuse to give it back to her. I've spoken to her many times about not respecting her sister's things, and it doesn't happen as often as it used to, bit it still happens from time to time. I am going to try and listen to them more, hopefully that will help alleviate some of the arguing.

Quoting Linda_Runs:

Arguing with your tween has to be the most contentious issue in tween parenting.  We have seen many postings about arguing and what they say or yell and how we react to it.

Here is the big question:  What does your tween argue about?  What is the point they are trying to make?  Do you listen?  How do you react?

Linda_Runs
by Linda on Sep. 25, 2017 at 7:41 AM

Your first three seem to be much the top three.  That being school mornings, cleaning their room and disrespect.  Siblings will fight with each other sometimes.  We all fight with each other at some point; kids are no exception.

Quoting Powermomof2: This is a great post! :) I argue about my 12 year old DD not wanting to get ready for school in the morning, not cleaning her room, disrespecting and back talking myself and DH. My 9 year old DD back talks and disrespects us as well. They also fight a lot amongst each other, which I know is common, and some of their fights get out of hand because DD9 will purposely do something to DD 12, like take something and hide it and refuse to give it back to her. I've spoken to her many times about not respecting her sister's things, and it doesn't happen as often as it used to, bit it still happens from time to time. I am going to try and listen to them more, hopefully that will help alleviate some of the arguing.
Quoting Linda_Runs:

Arguing with your tween has to be the most contentious issue in tween parenting.  We have seen many postings about arguing and what they say or yell and how we react to it.

Here is the big question:  What does your tween argue about?  What is the point they are trying to make?  Do you listen?  How do you react?


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