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Has your tween...

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:12 PM
  • 23 Replies
Has your tween been to a funeral?

I have a second job at a gym. My coworker passed away suddenly last week. Her funeral is tomorrow.

My middle boys (13 and 9) have known her for the three years that she worked there and my one year old has known her all of his life.
My boys still haven’t decided yet if they are coming with me tomorrow.
by on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Linda_Runs
by Linda on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:21 PM
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Neither of my tweens have been to a funeral.  I think it is important that they do if the opportunity arrives.  That is an important part of them learning about our and their mortality.

diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:25 PM
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I want them to come, but I won’t force them.
I think it might also give them closure.


Quoting Linda_Runs:

Neither of my tweens have been to a funeral.  I think it is important that they do if the opportunity arrives.  That is an important part of them learning about our and their mortality.

Linda_Runs
by Linda on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

There are many cultural views and opinions on the matter, but in my opinion you are doing it just right.

Quoting diaperstodating: I want them to come, but I won’t force them. I think it might also give them closure.
Quoting Linda_Runs:

Neither of my tweens have been to a funeral.  I think it is important that they do if the opportunity arrives.  That is an important part of them learning about our and their mortality.


diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you.

Quoting Linda_Runs:

There are many cultural views and opinions on the matter, but in my opinion you are doing it just right.

Quoting diaperstodating: I want them to come, but I won’t force them.
I think it might also give them closure.


Quoting Linda_Runs:

Neither of my tweens have been to a funeral.  I think it is important that they do if the opportunity arrives.  That is an important part of them learning about our and their mortality.

soccer711
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 3:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Unfortunately, yes, she's been to a funeral. My grandfather died when she was in Kindergarten or 1st grade. My paternal grandmother flipped out on my mom for my daughter attending because she's an old school, devoted Catholic, but she was close to her great-grandfather and she understood that death is a part life. Her great-grandmother (my beloved maternal grandmother) as well as her paternal grandmother died 4.5 years ago and she will be attending my ex-brother-in-law's funeral on Sunday.

I wouldn't push your boys to attend. I think it's a personal decision, but it may be a comfort to them to be able to say goodbye.
coala
by Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 4:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Neither of them have actually been to one yet. 

One of their coaches dad died this past fall right around the time hurricane Irma hit us.  I had planned to take the girls because they wanted to support their coach through "Popp's" death.  He would come and watch these kids compete and supported them for the 2 years his son was an assistant coach for us.  We weren't able to make it because we were sick, but several of their teammates went and they are all roughly 9-13 at the time. 

If the kids want to go to pay their respects or it is closure for them I would take them.

PrincessAsmommy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:10 AM
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Not that they remember. My uncle and cousin died in 2009 but the kids were 1 and almost 3 and were in the nursery during the funeral and reception. There were a couple other deaths since then but they weren't old enough for those either. I think if someone died now that they are 9 and 11 I would give them the option of being there (depending on the person) as it can be really upsetting for kids their age and with their anxiety it could push them over the edge.

diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Dec. 30, 2017 at 11:32 AM
I’m not going to make it and I feel so guilty!
My husband didn’t help me with the baby or with clearing the snow off (it snowed last night). It already started and the church is thirty minutes away. I was so overwhelmed this morning and so angry with my husband.
He doesn’t like funerals and he didn’t want the boys to go. If clearing off the snow wouldn’t have slowed me down I would have made it.
diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Dec. 30, 2017 at 11:36 AM
I needed closure. She was just at a game night at my house a couple weeks ago. We texted (I’m more of a texter) and got together outside of work sometimes.
I know this is petty of me to even think about but I’m sure coworkers who never even talked to her outside of work will be there, which makes me feel even more guilty.
awbredux
by Allie on Dec. 30, 2017 at 12:31 PM
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My tween and my older daughter when she was a tween have both been to a funeral for a close family friend (elderly) and one for a great uncle.   

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