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Tween Titans Tween Titans

When to have the "talk" with a tween??

I"m a young mother of a 9 1/2 year old girl who's a total tomboy. I'm wondering when an appropriate time to have "the talk" with her would be. I almost feel as though 10 is too young, but these days, you never know I guess.  I"m wondering if any of you have already done so and if so, how did your child recieve the information?

Thanks so much for any help you can possibly give me!
by on May. 23, 2007 at 9:20 PM
Replies (11-20):
musiclvr2675
by on May. 29, 2007 at 12:51 PM
I had the talk a couple of years ago. Our talk was more "clinical" than anything. They have to understand they're going to have changes and why they're happening. 

I have a 12 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son. They are becoming young adults. We have open discussions about all kinds of controversial subjects. I think it's important to be that open with your children. Kids discuss all kinds of things amungst each other and I'd rather them get the facts directly from me rather than "thru the grape vine" where there leads to more confusion. I even rented a movie (which I viewed first) called "the Education of Shelby Knox". We later viewed it together and we paused from time to time to discuss certain events. I felt it was very helpful in showing involved parents, involvement in their community/school/church as well as learning about sex. Children are losing their virginity so early these days it's scary to think they see it as such a casual thing!!!

I want my children to be educated about the world...the REAL world, not what what we can get away with sugar coating for their innocence. It's that naive belief that they will be ok not knowing certain things. Those are the children who say "I didn't know...." and come home pregnant or with an STD! I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me for anything and I will be straight up with them because I love them that much and they are individuals who deserve to be treated with respect, not just "children".
MusikMama
by on May. 29, 2007 at 12:56 PM
Since me SD got her period at 10, she got the talk as well.  Better safe than sorry.  We just make everything an open subject in our house anyway.  Her mom neglected to tell her she was going to get a period, so I had to deal with it when she did, at our house, scared and uniformed.  I vowed that wouldn't happen again, with "I'm Pregnant" or the like this time.  Ask what she already knows, you might be surprised.  That's how I started the conversation, and we went from there.
CHilbmann
by on May. 29, 2007 at 8:29 PM

I have a total of five children even tho, I only have three listed, two of my step kids live with there mom, four of my five kids are TEENS uggh, my husband and I have been open and up front with all five kids tho.  I started talking to my daughter when she was 7 because she has older siblings that would have told her incorrect things, I am very open with them as they have gotten older, I do not want them to take the path I did in life as a teen mom, but I will support them if it happens, luckly for us, being open has caused our kids so far not to be interested in sex, where as with me, my mom hid it and made it seem bad, so I got curious.

CHilbmann
by on May. 29, 2007 at 8:30 PM

I have a total of five children even tho, I only have three listed, two of my step kids live with there mom, four of my five kids are TEENS uggh, my husband and I have been open and up front with all five kids tho.  I started talking to my daughter when she was 7 because she has older siblings that would have told her incorrect things, I am very open with them as they have gotten older, I do not want them to take the path I did in life as a teen mom, but I will support them if it happens, luckly for us, being open has caused our kids so far not to be interested in sex, where as with me, my mom hid it and made it seem bad, so I got curious.

Queeny101
by on May. 31, 2007 at 6:26 PM
I started the talk with my son when he was 6 yrs old. He was not surprised! My son is now 12 yrs old and we still have our talks.  I have personally decided that every year we will at least reinforce the STD aspect of our talks.  Funny enough, every year he has some thing new that he wants to talk about.  I have tried to tell him that he could talk to me any time but for some reason he likes his discussion to happen every summer. Of course, he does talk to his dad during the year if he needs too.
cdgoldilocks
by on Jun. 7, 2007 at 5:12 PM

I started giving bits and pieces of "the talk", sex, periods, and all from the time my daughter was like 3. Age appropriately of course.  I remember my daughter coming in at like age 4 and seeing me putting on a kotex.  I explained in 4 year old speak why I was wearing one and a few days later I catch her walking around with a pad on the outside of her panties. She was 7 when I was preggo with #2 and explained to her how #2 got there. Bits and pieces here and there. Now that she is 11, she knows how babies get there. They are also doing sex ed at school right now. Now I am working on the self esteem part. It is TOUGH trying to explain how clothing choices can impact people's impression of you when some kids and even their moms dress like skanks.

In my opinion, the sooner we educate and the more often we have little conversations with our kids, the better. I find in the car works best.

I am open to other suggestions so keep em coming.
Hollyathome
by on Jun. 11, 2007 at 3:09 PM
I had the initial "you're going to start noticing some changes" when she was nearly 10. I talked to some of her friends mothers so we were all on the same page when they started comparing notes.
Regarding full-on sexual discussion, she knows the basics but not the specifics! ha-ha!! I've told her (regarding many things over the years) that it's not a secret, but I just don't think her mind is ready to process some information and when she is mature enough I don't have any problems at all explaining things further. That seems to satisfy her extremely well.
The American Girl books are faaannnnnntastic. Love 'em. So does she.
kleea1969
by on Jun. 11, 2007 at 4:22 PM
My oldest daughter will be 11 in  a couple weeks and to be honest with you I have no clue when we actually had the talk but she was probably about 9 1/2.  I just keep myself open to her moods what is going on in her life and then have the talks as we need to go.  I think we have covered most of them now and I try to do it little by little as we go.  I find she opens up with me more if I don't sit her down to talk but gradually go into a conversation with her.  I have to say there isn't much I don't know thankfully she is open with me know I just hope the openness stays with us.  And I do let her know no matter how much we may talk I am her mother before I am her friend.
sh44s
by on Jun. 12, 2007 at 12:39 AM
My daughter is 11, and I also showed her a book.  The book is titled, "Where Do Babies Come From".  I had her read the book and told her if she has any questions, she can come and ask me anytime.  I figured this was the best way so I wouldn't mortify her.  I passed this book around with several of my friends with children the same age, and we all took the same approach.
tawnia3
by on Jun. 12, 2007 at 12:41 AM
I believe that the more informed they are,the less curious they are. My daughter is nine (almost 10) and we had the talk months ago. She started asking siple questions so I decided it was time.I talked to her about it in an adult way, no pee-pees or hoo-hoo's-the actual names I feel that I have informed her as well as given her the trust that she can talk to me about anything.We have to be so careful wothour little girls.I feel that making sure she is comfortable talking to me about anything is a step in the right direction.
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