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Where did my little girl go???

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 10:57 AM
  • 10 Replies

Hi, I am very new to this site, but am hoping to gain some encouragement/advice from other moms. I posted this in the normal journal section, but thought I might get better response by posting it here as well.

I have one child who is 11 years old going on 16.  Somewhere over the past several months we have gone from mommy's little gir to I'm a teenager who knows everything.  Has anyone else encountered this dramatic change and how do you deal with it???   She's a great kid, never any trouble, but the dramatic change in her attitude is evident to us all.

by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 10:57 AM
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by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 6:34 PM
That's pretty much why I started this group. We've been dealing with similar troubles with our oldest who is 10. I think it's just a part of life, a kind of boundary testing thing. But I wanted to be able to commiserate and learn with other Moms. :)
by on Mar. 5, 2007 at 9:05 AM
I agree, that's why I joined.  We went to see "flushed Away" as a family and my DD just wanted to see "Music and Lyrics"!  I don't know when it happened.  I just pray she and I are close enough that our communication stays open.
by on Mar. 5, 2007 at 11:39 PM

Hi, I'm new to this site as well.

I have an 11 yo daughter, and yes,  she can be very obstinate at times.

Our teenage son is a lot more easy going, always has been.

Yet, at the same time, she is very much a young girl and that's fine with me!

At this age there are kids going out with one another and my daughter is not there yet, thank goodness.

Okay, that's another thread in itself. Smile


by on Sep. 21, 2007 at 8:35 PM
Maybe she is out with mine!!
by on Sep. 21, 2007 at 9:41 PM
I gave in. At 7yrs. I noticed a different Carmen. My daughter is like me at that age except she and I has always been young going on 40yrs. Sometimes I have to remind her to have fun and I try too with her. lol. I've been more of a best friend to her.
    My mom never bonded with me let alone my father. I don't blame them for that.
Anyway, I just go with the flow. lol. She can talk to me about anything and not be treated like a kid.
    I think when you suspend them and continue to treat them as babies this action pulls them away and then you can't protect them because they woun't let you.
    She is constantly testing me i.e "When can I get a tat?" "Job?" "A bf?" I tell her when the law allows you you can make that decision (by then she might forget). The boyfriend thing is different. I told her when the time is right you'll know but It's best to focus on college, career, and what makes you happy. Then you'll probably be ready for the responsibility of a relationship.
    I love my babygirl and I'll one day have to cope with the woman she will become, before my very eyes. You can't suspend time or waste it by worrying about your kids. If you teach them enough when they are young you will be satisfied with the results.

by on Sep. 21, 2007 at 11:36 PM
This is the same reason I joined this group.  My daughter is 12 and just started 7th grade.  Over the summer - I somehow misplaced my kind, easygoing, and obedient child and instead received a smart mouthed, beligerent and obnoxious girl to take her place.  It drives me crazy.  One thing I have tried to do (this is easier said than done), is to not show that she is getting to me. 

For example - she comes home after school and is on her own until I get home from work.  The rule is homework is done first and then she can get on the computer.  She was ignoring homework and just spending the entire time on the, I told her that if she couldn't follow the rules, she would have to not come home anymore and she would have to go to the Boys and Girls club - which she detests!!  I told her she had a choice to make and it was up to her to decide how miserable she wanted to be.  Her reply?  "No mom, my decision is how miserable I want to make your life" - I could have strangled her!!!! But instead, I stayed calm explained the rules and left it up to her, however, I have password protected the computer, so she can't get on until she calls me and gets "the word of the day".  So far this has worked, so I hope that if I remain to stay calm and not jump into the power struggles, I will be able to not only tolerate her, but help her through the puberty hormonal changes she is going through.  It hasn't been that long - I still remember what it was like - so I hope to be able to get through this in one piece and minimal grey hairs - lol!!  It will be just in time for my youngest to go through it herself.  Boy the next 10 years should be a blast!!! 


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by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 10:09 AM
 I have encoutered it, and my daughters are almost 10 and 8. My soon to be 10  yr old is quit the mouth and has been I think since she started to talk. The thing is my youngest did not start doing this till recently, when her sister does it she thinks she can join in also. As for her thinking she knows it all? Just remeber we were children at that age before and we probably did that to our moms. I would honestly just try to be there for her and if maybe ask your mom what she did with you.  Hope that helps but remeber you only have 1 that thinks that I have 2
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 11:02 AM
well im new here ..i have teens and tweens and little ones ...i have 6 all togthere ...i just say  take one day at a time have many years to go so dont let this part get you down...10 something happens to the brain at 10 they just start thinking diferently and some times they can just say things that completly shock you and hurt you all at the same time...when my oldest was 10 i was peregent with my last and that little girl went out of her way to upset me ..she spent a lot of time grounded that year... but dont get to down about its a nomal thing it means everything is on track i think girls pull away from there moms faster then boys do i think...really they kinda have to because even thow we are refered to as the weeker sex we are the ones that hold everything together most of the time...
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 11:11 AM
My oldest daughter who is now 15 was no trouble. My youngest daughter is moody and sometimes drives me mad with her attitude. I'm hoping its just a phase she is going through. Sometimes i just ignore it but if it goes to far I send her to her room to think about how she is treating people. I found if I told her off it made her worse.
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 11:06 PM

The ability to triumph begins with you. Always ~ Dore ~ /


Research and experience tell us that adolescence begins much sooner these days than it used to.

Most parents report that pre-teens (ages 10-12) are often mouthy, easily embarrassed by parents, and moody. It's also true that many adolescents these days feel a sense of entitlement: they genuinely don't "get" that adults want to be treated with respect, or that young people don't actually have the same rights and privileges as their parents and teachers.

Getting into your daughter's world to understand her physical and emotional development will give you important clues about her behavior.

Another possibility is that she may not be getting training and practices in how to be respectful. Some parents (I'm sure this doesn't include you) are either too permissive or too strict and then wonder why their children rebel and act disrespectful. Some parents think is it helpful to lecture their children about being respectful (even though if they watched closely they would see that their children tune out to lectures). There are many ways to help children practice the skills of respect. One is through family meetings where you start with compliments. Every one learns to look for good things to say about each other and to verbalize what they see. This takes practice. Then they can focus on solutions by brainstorming for ideas that would solve the problemand that would be respectful to everyone. Just including kids in the process is very respectful and they are more likely to follow plans that they have helped create. Another is to model what you will do instead of what you will make her do. When she talks rudely to you, just walk away. Don't react, and don't say a word. Actions speak much louder and words. What you are modeling is that you can't make her respect you, but that you can respect yourself my not standing still for verbal abuse. (Wouldn't it be wonderful if she learned this way to show self-respect when others are verbally abusive to her?) Later you can follow through by saying, "Honey, I know we both love each other and I know we can have a respectful relationship. Now that we have calmed down, why don't we find a solution to the problem that would work for both of us."

Last but not least, do you need to take her to counseling? You may not "need" to: but a skilled and compassionate family therapist can help all of you learn to talk, to listen, and to solve problems together. Young people often respond well to therapy (once they get there) when they understand that it is a place where they can sort through their feelings and find understanding. There is undoubtedly a lot going on for your daughter right now. Her behavior needs work, but finding out the beliefs and feelings behind her behavior will help. It's never too late to begin.

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