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Oral Sex (update)

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 4:09 PM
  • 25 Replies

From reading some of the posts here, it looks like my 12 yr old is a bit older then some of your children.  Im caught between the "tween" board and the "teen" boards....LOL.  I posted this there, and I will do so here...to see what kind of responses I get.

So....

My daughter is 12 and is going into middle school next year.  I hear that oral sex is actually occurring at these ages.  (Im totally appalled by this)  So, it is time for me to discuss this with her.  All the other information had nice segways....this has no natural segway that I have found.  Would anyone like to share how they conveyed this information.  Was it as blunt as sitting them down and saying, oh by the way some people put other peoples private parts in their mouths.  ROTHFLMBO.....Im sure that will go over well.  It has to be done....Im just not sure how.

LOL.. I was surprised to see this post, I made it so long ago.  Well my daughter is now in 8th grade and will be 14 soon.  I did sit her down over the summer between 6ht and 7th and asked her point blank if she knew what oral sex was.  She kind of had an idea... so I simply said it is sex with one partner's mouth and the other partner's private area.. and that it could go both ways.  But I didnt explain what actually happened.  I also told her it WAS a form of sex.... that anything even touching, though not sex, is a form of sex and that it was simply not to be done at this time of her life.  We talked about how things that are firsts will only happen once and should be special with someone special.  That at some point in her life she will want to marry a man and she needs to look deep in his eyes and be able to tell him the truth and not be ashamed of her past. 

She has heard of people who have given blow jobs (now being in 8th grade) and will flat out call them sluts (under certain circumstances I have allowed this language).  And so far we have had pretty good success with the boy girl thing.  Some times her attitude needs help but so far so good.  I now post issues with her on the teen board.

by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 4:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
btlsmum
by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 7:04 PM
That a toughie! I have no doubt that it probably is going on. I can remember my best friend in the 8th grade telling me about doing it with her boyfriend. We were barely 13.

I would just explain the mechanics of it and make sure she is aware of the risk associated with it. Not just the health risks, but the psychological damage and the way it could change the way she is perceived by her peers.
BWalsh
by on Mar. 4, 2007 at 8:01 PM
I agree, just be honest with her. I bet you'll be suprised by what she already knows, or thinks she knows. My daughter came home and told me she knew what a bj was and I nearly fainted, she said some kids were talking about it on the playground. This was last year, she was only 10.
jaydababe10
by on Jan. 11, 2009 at 8:27 PM

By now she probably knows. Unless you kept her in a very tight enviorment. Ask if she knows what it means if she does tell her to explain what she knows and if she WANTS to know what that means dont make her feel uncomfortable while you tell her.

dancemom3
by on Jan. 11, 2009 at 10:36 PM

Ugh..that one is tough! I have to have the same conversation soon too. DD1 is going to middle school next year too. Like someone else said already, they probably already know (which that in itself is disturbing!) so I guess I will just start the conversation with asking what she knows about it already and just go from there. I KNOW I will get the appalled eye roll and the "MoooooM!!" But, it has to be done, right? Let me know if you get it done before I do how it goes!

  
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jrdnjstn00
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 7:36 AM

I'm gonna have to ask my son about this one. he just turned 13 last month. I don't remember if I told my kids (2 boys, ages 13 and 9) about oral sex yet.

I did ask my 13 yr old about if the other boys talk about wanting to have sex with girls thye like and he said no he hasn't heard anything. So i don't know if he's telling me the truth or just didn't want to tell me

Kathleen1
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 7:39 AM

My dd asked me yesterday what a BJ was.    I about fainted.  I told her and she was agast!   she said that's discusting I am not doing that!

Let's hope not!

Kathleen

Somebody_Loved
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 7:45 AM

First off at 12 she may already know! They are more advanced then that! Depending on your area, some are doing this is elementary school. As for how to lead up to it, I would just sit her down and do the regular sex talk, and then mention there are other things beside just penetration that is considered to be sex, and that are to be avoided as well. i think a lot of the kids think oral sex is ok because they are taught penetration is sex, and THAT is what they should not do, then their peers bring this to them and say "Well your still a virgin, it isn't sex" If we, as parents, don't provide them with information it leaves only their peers to inform them.

Myluvs4u4
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 7:54 AM


Quoting jaydababe10:

By now she probably knows. Unless you kept her in a very tight enviorment. Ask if she knows what it means if she does tell her to explain what she knows and if she WANTS to know what that means dont make her feel uncomfortable while you tell her.


I agree, I had The Talk w/ my son because he has had the same "girlfriend" since the middle of 5th grade. He said, "mom I know more than you think I know." I said my peace, left it open for him to talk if he needs to. I'm lucky because he talks to me about a lot. It is all still pretty innocent, but I wanted him to hear the FACTS from me.

momto3infl
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 7:56 AM

It went part of the sex talk, since it is an act of sex.

excougarmama
by on Jan. 12, 2009 at 8:00 AM

I KNOW my dd knows what it is. I have heard her and her skanky troop of girls talking and they know a lot. I try not to butt in too much but I did have a long conversation with just her after I overheard that and she swore she hasn't ever done it. They know so much more at this age than we did.

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