11 year old caught watching porn.... HELP!!!

Replies:

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• by
  • HBP1236
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 1:22 PM

• I've been bashed in this group before because I have said that Porn is extremely addictive.  It is the new drug of the millenium.  It skews boys'/men's views of sex, how women want to be treated, and relationships in general.  My husband is a porn addict, introduced to it by a "friend" at 13/14 (I'd like to castrate him) and our marriage suffers as a result of it.  There is a lot of deception, lying, fighting, etc between us and it kills me that he chooses not to get addiction recovery help.  You need to get him into counseling with someone who is educated in porn addiction, not a counselor who agrees with other women in here who thinks the male population viewing porn is normal and a "secret thing" men do together.  It's sick, twisted, vile and does not help marriages, although the average person would disagree with me heartily.

  Best wishes and God bless.  This is a heart-breaking thing to deal with and ruins good Christian men.

• 
• by
  • wasawarrior
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 1:33 PM

• While I agree that I would be as upset to find this as you were, I can't say I agree with the previous post entirely.  I do believe that there can be an addiction to pornography.  To immediately jump to that conclusion about an 11 year old boy is extreme, I think.  Curiousity IS a part of growing up, and access to these things has been made very easy my the internet.  I, personally, think you should just have a candid talk with your son - preferrably with a man he can trust and relate to.  He needs to know that sex is natural and normal, and that curiousity is NOT a bad thing.  He needs someone to talk to and someone to ask questions.  And yes, I also agree with many other posters that he needs to know that that is not what sex is like.  If it continues to be as big a problem in the future, I would be more concerned.

  Good luck!

• 
• by
  • AvaB
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 2:16 PM

• 
   

  Quoting HBP1236:
  
  

  I've been bashed in this group before because I have said that Porn is extremely addictive.  It is the new drug of the millenium.  It skews boys'/men's views of sex, how women want to be treated, and relationships in general.  My husband is a porn addict, introduced to it by a "friend" at 13/14 (I'd like to castrate him) and our marriage suffers as a result of it.  There is a lot of deception, lying, fighting, etc between us and it kills me that he chooses not to get addiction recovery help.  You need to get him into counseling with someone who is educated in porn addiction, not a counselor who agrees with other women in here who thinks the male population viewing porn is normal and a "secret thing" men do together.  It's sick, twisted, vile and does not help marriages, although the average person would disagree with me heartily.

  Best wishes and God bless.  This is a heart-breaking thing to deal with and ruins good Christian men.

  I just wanted you to know that I agree with you.  It is a drug - plain and simple.  And it ruins minds - young, old, male AND female.

  I don't really have a problem with playboys or pictures.  I do have a problem with sadistic porn on the internet and tv.  It's sick.  It invalidates women and encourages "boys" to do the same.  It makes me completely sad.

  What bothers me most about this situation is that you have a little boy (he is young!) that is being so deceitful about something he knows is wrong.  Putting it on his parents' credit card is deceit.  It's not just curiosity.

  I would personally take away all tech stuff too.  His dad (or male he looks up to) needs to sit him down and tell him that he's not wrong for being curious.  The PORN is wrong - it's tricking his mind into being deceitful and addicted.  Porn is the enemy - not him.  That is essentially, in my opinion, the devil taking advantage.  Plead with him to fight it at all costs.  It's just not allowed in the house - period.  If he chooses to allow it in his house when he's older, so be it...

  And then take him out to dinner - his choice...

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• by
  • jrdnjstn00
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 3:37 PM

• I'm sorry but I can't believe some of the responses you have gotten about this.

  I check the history on my computer all the time after my son uses it. I found him looking at porn. I'm a single mom who doesn't have family nearby so there are really no male figures for my son to go to. I knew this day would come when I would have to address this. I had been telling both my sons a lil about the birds and the bees from a young age. I want my boys to know that this is natural and nothing to be ashamed of, even though people make it taboo that is why kids are so curious about it.

  When I was growing up we just had magazines to look at and videos. No one ever told me about sex and of course I wanted to find out for myself. I did and I wish I could go back and do everything over again. I want my boys to feel that they can come to me with anything, even sexual questions and be able to talk about it.

  Anyways I caught my son and I had a talk with him. I told him that sex is normal and it's something that should be done between people wo love each other but it's not always like that. I also told him that the things he sees when he watches a porn is not what usually happens in a normal relationship. I told him that those people get paid to do those things and it's someones elses fantasy. I aslo told him that when the male is abusing a woman or whatever in some porn that that is not normal and people who enjoy watching that have something wrong with them. We continued our conversation and I told him that he could still use the computer but I need to be able to trust him. I also told him that if I ever get charges for anything from the computer he would be punished. I caught him again and I was more stern. I have not caught him since then and that was about 10 months ago.

  You can't keep kids from watching porn or looking at it unless you're planning on being your kids shadow 24/7. Kids can see it at a friend's house, get magazines from someone, etc. Make an account for your child for when he uses the computer and put a block on it so he can go to only certain sites.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • HBP1236
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 3:37 PM

• 
  

  Quoting wasawarrior:
  
  

  .  And yes, I also agree with many other posters that he needs to know that that is not what sex is like.  If it continues to be as big a problem in the future, I would be more concerned.

  Good luck!

  
  It sounds to me as if it is already a big problem.  He keeps looking for places to view it and has stolen his mother's credit card to purchase it.  This is a HUGE problem for this young man and it will only get worse if she doesn't intervene.  If he were addicted to drugs or alcohol, wouldn't she intervene then?  Porn has the ability to change the chemistry of brain cells through viewing and acting out.  Nobody can convince me otherwise because I have done my research on this subject.

• 
• by
  • The_Purple
  on Nov. 5, 2008 at 8:48 PM

• Oh no. My boy is 11 and I was hoping he was still too young for that. Denial much?
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • clthomas63
  on Nov. 6, 2008 at 11:34 AM

• Unfortunately yes, be very watchful....it's a reality.  I had the same thing happen with my 12yo earlier this year.  He was so embarrassed and ashamed of himself.  He said "I only wanted to know what sex looked like, Mom".....it was a great time to teach him that porn wasn't what real sex was like and he needed to talk to me when he wanted information.  It was a huge ordeal and he was grounded from everything for a month.  Haven't had any trouble since.  I monitor his computer use, texts, cell calls, etc.  I told him he would be earning my trust back little by little. It's hard to believe that they even know it exists at this age isn't it?  I was still playing with my Barbie's. LOL.

  
  

  Connie
  

  

• 
• by
  • elvir2babes
  on Nov. 7, 2008 at 1:08 PM

• that is terrible, I hope you put a stop to it
  

  
  

  Divorced, Separated, Single or Widowed Moms! Check out this awesome group!! http://www.cafemom.com/group/ConfidentSingleMoms
  

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• by
  • Michelle0509
  on Nov. 8, 2008 at 3:43 PM

• Did you seriously just call someone a bad mom because their kid looked at porn?? You have got to be kidding me! Kids are going to look at, regardless of what you do. They will be at a friend's house, they will be browsing a magazine at the bookstore (you do know there is porn there, right??), they can be anywhere, anytime looking at it. I'm not saying they will look at it all the time, but kids are curious, they will look. Who are you to say that someone isn't doing what they are supposed to be doing? Did someone make you the 'Parent Police'? I would love to know where you live that charges can be filed againt you if your kid looks at porn. That is ridiculous. Perhaps if you were supplying it to your kid, but certainly not if they are caught looking at it. Them looking at it on a family computer is NOT the same as a parent supplying it for them.

  My kids were caught looking at porn sites about a year ago. They were 11 and 10 at the time. When we asked how they found the sites, they said that a friend showed them. At the point they lost privileges on the computer and everything has a password put on it. They now know that we will, and do, check all the sites they go to. It is a natural part of life for kids to be curious about sex. All we can do is tell them the truth about it and make sure they know that they can come to us with any questions they may have.
  

  Quoting jns131:
  
  

  Bad mommy, very bad to hear. You are not watching where he goes on the internet. Plus you need to have a block on his internet connection as well. Our daughters computer is behind me. I know where she goes and what she is up to. She can get on IE7, but if caught on anything but G sites? She is done. Sounds like you have a problem that needs correcting and fast. I also want to warn you that by letting your son go to porn sites? You are setting yourself up for child endangerment felony charges. Yup, you heard right. Felony charges because you are not being responsible for your child's actions. Time to clean up his computer and make sure he has a child friendly internet connection as well. The Nanny is a good program to have. Good luck.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • Kathleen1
  on Nov. 8, 2008 at 5:21 PM

• ..I..found..my..11..yr.old..doing..the..same..thing...Thankfully..it....was..just..pics..on..line

  I..had..a..llong..talk..explaining..how..all..the..computers..are..bugged..now..for..key..words..like..bomb,threat,death...

  and..I..said..porno.too....I..asked..do..you..want...mama..to..go..to..jail.first..for..something..I,,.didn't..do..and..second..for..something...you

  could..have..bought..in..a.store...it's..just..not..worth..the.thrill..I..said....and..I..also.said..I..am..not..going..to..jail..even..for..you.

  That..was..the..end..of..the..porn. 
  

  Quoting CoNnEcTiCuTxMoM:
  
  

  My youngest son was caught watching porn first on his computer about 3 months ago.  So we took his internet from his room.  Then we started getting charges on our charge card for porn sites about 4 weeks ago and I started getting porn in my CHURCH email out of all things.  We restricted him and took away his computer rights which he has not had for over 2 weeks now.  Then I find out yesterday that he got on my Iphone and was watching it. I asked him why he said its puberty... To top it off I'm a Asst. Pastor at Genesis Ministry Center in CT.. Sometime the hardest ones are Pastor's children.  I did read a bunch of post on this site and others about Porn and the bible and of course thats going to be my first step out from here out but was wondering if anyone else had this issue...

  Thanks so much for all your help ...

  
  

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