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11y o DD received inappropriate picture on cell phone....!!!
posted to General Discussion
in Tween Titans
on Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:02 PM
- 63 Replies
- 1679 Total Views
Hello, I need some advice. My dd has been talking to this boy from school who she likes but he recently sent her a picture of his private area. Basically, we of course were upset and explained to her that it was VERY WRONG to send something like that plus, explaining to her that the boy obviously didn't respect her enough in the first place. We told her she needs to tell him not to send anything like that again and so on. She was crying because she really likes him but I don't know how else to let her know that he's a jack a_ _!! I also had her txt him to give us his home phone or to call us because I wanted to speak with his mother or father about it. Needless to say it took him txting a couple of times asking why and I had to finally get on the phone and txt saying that this is dd mother and would like for him to call. He said okay and did. My dd answered and told him that we found out about the picture and he said " omg,...are you okay?" Then he said that he had to go get his mom and would call back. It was over an hour and 1/2 before he txt back asking my dd how much trouble she got in. When I told her to tell him if his mom knew he said yes and that she didn't want to talk to anyone because she is mad.
I want to make sure his mom/dad knows what happened but how can I find out? What would you guys do? I don't want to ruin school life for her but yet no one should get away with that either. Should I contact the school about this or leave it at that. I basically feel that I need to teach my dd what is appropriate and not appropriate and what to do about it. Any ideas or what else I can do for my dd? Punishment etc?? ........................
Replies:
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- by on Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:06 PM
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I would make it CLEAR to her that she can have NO more contact with this boy until you talk to his mother or father. That is if you plan to allow her to keep talking to him. If it were my DD that would be a big HELL NO. This is also one reason my DD doesn't have a cell phone.
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- by on Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:20 PM
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Tell your DD to give you his phone number or have her find out. I would talk with his parents before going to the school. This didn't happen while at school right? Just over the holidays.
Dang they start so young, my DD is 11 will be 12 in Jan. She doesn't have a phone right now because I took it away due to her texting.
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- by on Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:28 PM
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A girl my son knows had a similar experience happen to her, and the mother contacted the parents. I agree that she should have no further contact with the boy until you speak to the parents and KNOW for sure that they know. She's only 11 - her social/school life is not as important as her safety and teaching her that she needs to respect herself.
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 6:55 AM
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I don't think she should talk to this boy at all! Obviously he has no respect for her or hisself. Can you imagine who else he is sending naked pics of hisself to.
When I was 11 I sure didn't want to see some boys lil weenie. Anyways i don't think you should involve the school. Find out where he lives and talk to his parents, let them know what he's doing. If I ever caught my boys sending naked pics of themselves to someones cell phone I'd kick their ass and break the cell phone. My boys don't have cell phones so I don't worry bout that.
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 8:13 AM
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I am not sure at all while you would punish the girl, she is the victim of sorts here. She told you about it. Didn't lie or hide it. I am actually proud of her. So many kids would have hidden it. deleted it so you didn't see it.
There are serious things at play here. First of all a girl that age shouldn't be that "into" a boy that it is an emotional thing to seperate till the parents can talk. In this situation the parents must talk and set up rules and boundaries.
The fact that this crush has led to the boy thinking that sending nude pictures of himself is a warning sign. Either he, or her, or both are headed down a path that leads to sex. One may just as well lead the other. Get his parents involved. use the phone book, whitepages online, sit outside the door at school waiting for the 2 of them to emerge and follow him home.. something. GOOD LUCK!
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 8:20 AM
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Since it didnt happen at school, I dont think the school can really do anything.
As for everything else I dont know what you could do-this is part of why I wont and my DD has no need to a cell phone until at least 16 or 17yrs of age, and will only be able to use it if going out.
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 8:42 AM
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sorry this happened to you and your dd, there is really nothing the school can do, if it didnt happen at school. i know schools have rules against cell use....if you have a school parent directory i would start there and speak to his mother directly, i am thinking he said he told his mom but i highly doubt he did....i know thats what i would do, even if it means showing up on this mothers door step unannounced, i am sure as a parent she would not be hiding from you no matter how mad she is or isnt at her son....good luck...there was a big thing on the today show a few weeks ago about this very thing, they call it sexting rather than texting...hang in there. i hope this helped a little, if you dont have a school directory try calling a few of your dd'd friends and see if they know where the boy lives and go that way about it. hugs
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 9:28 AM
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You shouldn't punish your daughter for this. She came to you and let you know that it happened. How you handle this situation will let her know if she can trust you in the future. Don't overreact. While this is serious, you have to show her how to handle this maturely and in a way that respects her and shows her how to deal with these situations when they come up again.
You have to face it that if she has a cell phone and it has texting abilities, she will get more of these. It might be appropriate to disable the texting ability of the phone. The company can do it on their end or you may be able to shut it off depending on the phone model.
I have to also tell you that by forbidding her to see this boy, you aren't going to necessarily make that happen. She will still see him in school whether you like it or not. Your denying her the right might even make it more tempting to keep seeing him.
I would also disagree about not worrying about popularity. That is one of the most important things for kids this age. Making her school life uncomfortable will make your home life uncomfortable. Try to think of that when deciding on the path you would like to take.
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 9:32 AM
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A similar thing happened at my son's school with 7th graders. A girl sent naked pictures of herself to a boy and he sent them to one person and then it spread around like a virus. The girls mom got mad at the boy whom her daughter sent them to and told the school and the school contacted police and the boy was arrested at school, the cuffs were slapped on him in lunch! He got taken to juvy and his case went to court and he was convicted of child pornography and has to do time in jail. This kids llife is ruined! My opinion is that the girl should face trouble as well as all the other kids that spread it around. This had nothing to do with the school.
My opinion is that if you give your kids access to ANY technology then it has to be monitored. I have no problems checking each and every text my kids get. I do spot checks. I have no problems checking over their shoulders while IMing or on facebook or any of those other sites. Ask any of my kids and they will tell you and I have heard them tell their friends, if you can't say something in front of your parents then you have no business saying.
A major problem is that parents don't want their kids mad at them. Who cares if they get mad?! Lay down the law and if they don't like it too bad!
I would call that boys parents ASAP and his number would be blocked from the cell phone. It's not her fault he sent the pictures but un fortunately she will have to pay the consequences. I would set very clear rules where the cell phone is concerned.
Kim
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- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 10:07 AM
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It's not super hard to find out phone #s these days. White pages.com You can search by last name or address. I would definately not let this go without speaking to a parent! I would make sure my DD stayed clear of this boy...this is not normal!
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