Tween Titans
/ General Discussion
- Browse Group:
- Group Home
- Forums
- This Forum
- Chat
- Photos
- Calendar
- Chatterbox
- Links
- Member List
- Guidelines
Keep up with discussion in the "Tween Titans" group through your e-mail, or join in the conversation yourself!
Join CafeMom Today (It's free and easy!) Already a member?
11y o DD received inappropriate picture on cell phone....!!!
posted to General Discussion
in Tween Titans
on Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:02 PM
- 63 Replies
- 1675 Total Views
Hello, I need some advice. My dd has been talking to this boy from school who she likes but he recently sent her a picture of his private area. Basically, we of course were upset and explained to her that it was VERY WRONG to send something like that plus, explaining to her that the boy obviously didn't respect her enough in the first place. We told her she needs to tell him not to send anything like that again and so on. She was crying because she really likes him but I don't know how else to let her know that he's a jack a_ _!! I also had her txt him to give us his home phone or to call us because I wanted to speak with his mother or father about it. Needless to say it took him txting a couple of times asking why and I had to finally get on the phone and txt saying that this is dd mother and would like for him to call. He said okay and did. My dd answered and told him that we found out about the picture and he said " omg,...are you okay?" Then he said that he had to go get his mom and would call back. It was over an hour and 1/2 before he txt back asking my dd how much trouble she got in. When I told her to tell him if his mom knew he said yes and that she didn't want to talk to anyone because she is mad.
I want to make sure his mom/dad knows what happened but how can I find out? What would you guys do? I don't want to ruin school life for her but yet no one should get away with that either. Should I contact the school about this or leave it at that. I basically feel that I need to teach my dd what is appropriate and not appropriate and what to do about it. Any ideas or what else I can do for my dd? Punishment etc?? ........................
Replies:
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 10:22 AM
-
I would call your phone service and find out if you can set your DD's phone up to automatically send you any text messages she receives to your phone as well! That way you will always know what is going on!
Good Luck Mama!
~Betty, Happy Homeschool Mama of Two
~~~ 2009 Goals~~~
Get a job
Reduce our debt
Finish my daughters shawl
Organize my house
Read the Bible every night
Lose at least 20 lbs!
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 10:48 AM
-
Quoting ceajae:
I am not sure at all while you would punish the girl, she is the victim of sorts here. She told you about it. Didn't lie or hide it. I am actually proud of her. So many kids would have hidden it. deleted it so you didn't see it.
There are serious things at play here. First of all a girl that age shouldn't be that "into" a boy that it is an emotional thing to seperate till the parents can talk. In this situation the parents must talk and set up rules and boundaries.
The fact that this crush has led to the boy thinking that sending nude pictures of himself is a warning sign. Either he, or her, or both are headed down a path that leads to sex. One may just as well lead the other. Get his parents involved. use the phone book, whitepages online, sit outside the door at school waiting for the 2 of them to emerge and follow him home.. something. GOOD LUCK!
My daughter was never punished for this because she didn't do anything wrong.
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 10:52 AM
-
I would have the phone company disable pix/flix messages from her phone. I would also block this kids number. My question is .... does his number not show up in her phone? I would push for getting in contact with the parents tho ... it isn't like he just said something inapporpriate ... this is an image that will stay with her ....
I am so sorry this happened. As a mother ... I can imagine how horrible & upset you felt when you saw that ...
Hugs to both you and your daughter.
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 11:00 AM
-
Now is the time to love on your DD and let her know how much you love her and how proud you are that she came to you about this! That is HUGE! Also, talk to her about self-respect and that this boy obviously didn't respect her enough, that he did something like this. I know she's into him, but that is not the kind of guy that you want her to be with.
As for contacting his parents, there are definately ways to do it. I agree with the White Pages.
Also, consider removing texting from her plan right now. We did it with our kids. For several reasons, 1) texting cannot get out of control 2) inappropriate pictures.
Best of luck!
~*~ Allison ~*~
Obama was not my choice, but he will be my President and I will pray for him to lead this great nation with God's help and grace. ~ Mike Huckabee
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 11:02 AM
-
If you want to, you can ALWAYS get the school involved... it is SEXUAL HARRASSMENT........they will make sure mom find out, and probably have a confrence with your fam and his............
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 12:02 PM
-
In our school district they have a very serious "cyber bullying" policy and innapropriate cell phone pics fall into it. The schools, local hospitals etc are trying to bring awareness to this silliness and they recommend turning these things over. The school then contacts the parents and go from there. That is what I would do. Chances are your daughter isn't the first girl he has sent obscene pictures to and she won't be the last.
Good Luck!
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 12:10 PM
-
I sent this the OP in a private message, but I just wanted to chime in..I think It's important to work this out between your families and not goto the authorities, the school district, or anyone outside of the two families.
I just wanted to throw in a private message here and encourage you to NOT consider going to the authorities over this. Deal with it between your families and leave it there. There's so much paranoia that if you went to the authorities, you'd have a chance of ruining this young boys entire life. I understand how inappropriate it was, but they are children and the situation can be delt with internally.
Also, i'd not punish your daughter at all. It's not her fault that he sent this. If she instigated it somehow, then I'd definitly include her in the punishment, but its something that needs to be worked out between the two families. Here's something I might suggest.
Have a sit-down conference with you, your DH, and your daughter, along with this boy AND his parents. Pass the picture around and discuss the reasonings why doing this is wrong. It will be VERY embarassing for the boy, but he will get the point after all the adults see whats.. happening
----------
Twins: Brianna & Austin
Born: 11/10/1996
School: 6th Grade, Year before JR High!
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 12:11 PM
-
And by doing this, you will possibly ruin this childs entire life by having him convicted as a sexual offender. It's not what this young boy needs.
Quoting katiesmom0926:
If you want to, you can ALWAYS get the school involved... it is SEXUAL HARRASSMENT........they will make sure mom find out, and probably have a confrence with your fam and his............
----------
Twins: Brianna & Austin
Born: 11/10/1996
School: 6th Grade, Year before JR High!
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 12:48 PM
-
I work in a school, and unless this happened at school, on the school bus, or at a school function, I do not see this as a school issue. As school personnel, we have NO control, authority, or responsibility over what a child does away from school. There is no disciplinary action that the school could take.
However, if you as a parent are concerned about future sexual harassment, you could inform the school of the situation and ask them to look for signs of distress, anxiety, or unease in your daughter. Let them know that this happened, don't give name of the boy unless they insist (you don't want to set him up as a target), and ask them to look out for your daughter. If they know that students are doing this, then it would be a good time for them to bring in authorities, counselors, educators, etc. to educate/re-educate the student body about harassment, what is legal/illegal, etc. We have a school resource officer who had to intervene w/ my dd's class when bullying was taking place. The kids simply didn't understand that what they were doing was considered bullying/harassment-they thought they were just 'having fun'.
As far as his parents go, do everything you can to make them aware of what happened. They need to know that their son has done this. YOU need to initiate contact with them not take the boy's word on it. They'll likely be defensive and not want to talk a lot about it, so keep it down to the fact that you just wanted to make sure they were aware of the situation.
Good luck!
When you want to give up and your heart's about to break, remember that your perfect, God makes no mistake. ----BonJovi
-
- by on Dec. 30, 2008 at 12:52 PM
-
Telling the parents ...
"We have a picture of your son's penis on our cellphone, sent from him.. Do you want to take care of this issue or shall we show more poeple what your son's putting on display for the world"
Quoting 5speedw:
As far as his parents go, do everything you can to make them aware of what happened. They need to know that their son has done this. YOU need to initiate contact with them not take the boy's word on it. They'll likely be defensive and not want to talk a lot about it, so keep it down to the fact that you just wanted to make sure they were aware of the situation.
Good luck!
----------
Twins: Brianna & Austin
Born: 11/10/1996
School: 6th Grade, Year before JR High!
Only CafeMom members can reply to this post.
Around CafeMom
Check out some of today's most popular Journals:
