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How do I make sense of this to my son, WARNING depressing!!

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:15 AM
  • 4 Replies

                         Last night I went to my dd youth group. She is an advisor now as she is 22, but the girls look up to her (ages 10-20). We found out last night that 1 of the girls we are very close with's best friend committed suicide on Saturday evening. She was only 13 years old and hung herself over a boy she was "dating" on the internet!! The poor girl has put up a wall and is not talking about it and has not cried yet. Everyone is worried about her also.

But my situation is that my 12 year old son knew her and 1 of his friends had actually had a crush on her. I talked to Colin last night when I got home, which was not easy. He wanted to immediately call his friend, but I would not let him. I have no idea how to handle this or even get my head around it. If that little girl had been mine, I would be in a rubber room right now. Do I let him tell his friend??  How do I explain something I do not understand?

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:15 AM
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by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:05 AM

wow. that so sad..

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:13 AM

I'm not exactly clear on they dynamics here, but will tell you how we handled a similar situation.

My aunt, who was close to my kids shot herself on Thanksgiving day last year.  I saw no way around just telling them the truth (at the time they were 14, 14, 12, and 7).  I didn't give gory details, but I told them all that their aunt had taken her own life, and that she must have been very sad and sick to have done that.  They had a few question but didn't seem too upset except that they had lost her.

Over the past few months, more questions have arisen.  I always stress that suicide is not the answer and remind them how confused and unhappy we all were by what she had done AND I always encourage them to ask questions and tell me how they feel about it all.  Of course, my teens NEVER want to talk about feelings, but at least they know they can if they so choose.

You might use this as an opportunity to discuss this with your12 year old.  Teen suicide is a reality.  I want to be very open with my kids about this, but how you deal is very much your decision.

Good luck.

by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 4:17 PM

I would contact the youth group and see if they can get some free councling in for the kids.  Youth groups usually have many contacts for things like this.  Talk to the youth group and have them help you through this with your son. 

by on Aug. 27, 2009 at 9:40 AM

This is very sad. Counseling with a good christian counselor is going to be a must for these kids though, lots of prayer to God for protection of those that were close to her that they will not be tempted to do the same. I have spent a good deal of my adult life going in and out of depression, and I finally realized,( God revealed this to me) that depression is self-centered. It's always about how bad I feel because of how someone is not treating me the way  I want to be treated, or how things are not going the way I want, etc. It is very hard to convey this to a very emotional young person, who is very much self-centered in the time of life that they are in. There is a balance of priorities that needs to be set and most definitely a non-movable sense of self-worth. We cannot place our value within the hands of another person, because ultimately they will let us down somehow. If these kids knew how much Jesus Christ loved and valued them, I think their perspectives would change.There may not be a lot you can do except, pray, be open and available and maybe try to keep open communication with the parents of your son's friend. May God strengthen you and give you wisdom through this time.

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