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Tween Titans Tween Titans

CLINGY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, PIOG

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 11:35 AM
  • 16 Replies

JUST FOR A LITTLE BACKGROUND, I AM A DIVORCED SINGLE MOM, I HAVE A 13 YR OLD SON AND AN 11 YR OLD DAUGHTER. IVE BEEN DIVORCED FROM THEIR DAD SINCE THEY WERE 4 AND 2.

OK NOW FOR THE PROBLEM, MY DAUGHTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MAMAS GIRL, I FIGURED THE OLDER SHE GOT SHE WOULD START TO PULL AWAY. BUT JUST THE OPPOSITE IS HAPPENING, THE OLDER SHE GETS THE WORSE IT BECOMES. SHE GOES FROM ROOM TO ROOM RIGHT BEHIND ME. MY PARENTS LIVE RIGHT DOWN FROM ME IF I GO THERE SHE HAS TO GO AS WELL. SHE WENT TO HER DADS THIS PAST WEEKEND AND CALLED OR TEXT ME THE WHOLE TIME SHE WAS THERE. I WAS LATE COMING HOME FROM WORK THE OTHER DAY AND SHE MET ME IN THE YARD CRYING SAYING SHE WAS WORRIED SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO ME.

I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT COULD BE CAUSING THIS, WHEN I WAS 11 I WAS STARTING TO PULL AWAY FROM MY MOM.

PLEASE HELP, ANY OTHER MOMS HAVING THIS PROBLEM?

by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 11:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
photomom226
by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 12:05 PM

It sounds like she is having some issues with anxiety. It is very common in kids that have divorced or separated parents. My daughter went through it as well and although she wasn't as clingy as yours is, she showed it in other ways. I would talk to her about how she is feeling and ask questions like, Do you think I will leave you even though I am only going in the next room? Or do you think something will happen to me? What are you afraid of? What is your biggest fear? What do you worry about or think about when you are by yourself? See what types of responses you get and pay attention to her emotional state as she talks to you about this. I would then talk to her doctor and let them know what has been going on and the responses/reactions you get from the questions. She may need to be put on a mild anxiety medication temporarily. Good luck, I know how frustrating being a single mom is as I once was to only one child.  I can only imagine how hard it must be to be a single parent of two.

nandbsmom
by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 2:52 PM

THANK  YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE, I WILL TRY THOSE QUESTIONS AND SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.

sahlady
by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 4:55 PM

my knee jerk reactions

1) she needs to see a therapist

2) she needs to get into a self defence class

3) she is making a target of herself 

joy_marmie316
by on Sep. 22, 2009 at 4:59 PM

It sounds like she has an anxiety issue. I have this also,children of divorce often go through this; I know I did. I woud take her to your pastor, therapist or spiritual advisor and try and work with them to see if there are any underlying problems. I hope everything get better.

Lynn Coleman-Robinsonfamily in the van

YumCoffee
by on Sep. 24, 2009 at 8:34 PM

Anxiety.  I had it like that when I was fourteen.  I could not stand to be alone... find out why she is so anxious... school, friends, boys, bullies??? Loneliness?  You are source of comfort for her, but she needs open up about what is bothering her so that she can face it. She may think it is something dumb, immature, embarrassing...  but be open and concerned.  : )

cathyslp
by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:16 AM

WOW- I was so happy to see this post because I am going through the same thing with my 11 year old daughter.  I sometimes feel so guilty because I just want a brief "break" apart.  I know that sounds terrible.  I love her dearly.  She follows me evreywhere even into the bathroom sometimes.  I want to draw boundaries but at the same time, I don't want to push her away if she really needs me.  I have just started her in some counseling but haven't seen any changes yet.  Thanks for listening!shrugging

bleumonster
by on Oct. 15, 2009 at 10:24 PM

My 11 y/o daughter is a bit clingy too. Not as clingy as that but more so than most girls her age. However, my daughter went through a trauma when she was 8 and a lesser one when she was 10 that explains the clinginess. I figure some of it is because of the age. At 11 they are stuck between worlds. Sometimes they are still little girls and sometimes they are act like teens. I agree that she probably needs to see a counselor or therapist and do something that will boost her self esteem such as martial arts or sports. On the other hand, at least you know where she is and what she is doing.

Kim  

jessicasmom1
by on Oct. 16, 2009 at 11:28 AM

My DD is turning 10 and I have been a single mom since she was 14 months old .. she is clingy had a hard time getting her to want to go to school. she is ok going to stay with grandparents but, when it comes to staying over at a friends house she never makes it all night long. She will call me and say I am coming home. Just yesterday we were " reading  "judy moody goes to college" haha little did I know she would be asking "when I go to college do I have to stay away for years???"  already worried about college dorming and she is only 9 right now will be 10 in Febuary :-)

Ravjas
by on Oct. 27, 2009 at 1:53 PM

My dd is 10 and is pretty much the same way.  It is exhausting, but I know one day it will stop.  She has had some mild ocd issues, and I believe this is part of it (the anxiety).  She usually will not go to her room on her own.  She wants "escorts" to take her to the different rooms in the house.  She doesn't like to be left alone in a room either.  It's tiring and a major reason I didn't want a two story house!  When she spends the night out she gets sad and sometimes comes home because she misses me and worries about me.  She thinks I'll be lonely.  As much as I reassure her, I can always tell when I'll be getting the late night call.  But it isn't all the time.   I don't know how to solve this except hope that time will help.  As they become teenagers, all too soon they won't want us around as much.  When I do catch her going to her room alone I do tell her how proud I am of her.

Julie

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Boo-bare
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Yes I am having this problem as well, I love my 1o year old daughter with all my might but I cant seem to breath anymore, I talked openly with her about how her demand on me makes me feel and about Quality over Quantity, she gets it but the behaviour never changes.

We live in Germany and all my family lives in N.A. and we have no family here, as well her father was twice hospitalized after having seizures but has since been fine, I dont know if it is a combination of fear of being alone, uncertainty or habit, I do know I am looking for healthy ways to draw some boundries. Its very reasonable to say that in a few years she will pull away and to enjoy it while I can but it is unrealistic to think a person can just embrace all day long without feeling a sense of recentment, at least that is what I feel and I dont like it becuase then it makes me feel guilty, if you have any ideas that have worked I am open for them. until then I wish you luck and patience.

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