What do you do when you never actually said no to a certain situation.
Yesterday my daughter was at a friends home. She called me to see if she could go to the movies with a group of kids (boys and girls). I was not thrilled with the idea. First, because it was a Friday night movie at the theater where all the teens hang out; secondly, it would be her first co-ed movie (big step for me); thirdly (most importantly) the mother who would be chaperoning I didn't trust her to actually sit through the movie or even stay in the same general area - she is rather lax in her parenting. During our conversation I asked to speak with the mother, my daughter told she would have her call me back because they couldn't get ahold of her on the phone (this woman NEVER answers her phone). "But wait....aren't you at her home right now?" I asked. "No, I'm at Michael's house on his balcony."
Who the hell is Michael and what is she doing in his bedroom???!!!!!
"I calmly told her no movie, and I will be picking her up in 10 min, she better be out front of the home where I thought she was."
I was proud of staying calm. I tend to over react....I think it is a knee jerk reaction, my oldest is spreading her wings, and it is hard to let them go. I know when she learns to fly she will soar.......she is an amazing kid!
We had a discussion about going into someones home that I do not know and being some where other then where I thought she was. Her response was that the parents were home, that it was a group of kids, and the mother (where I thought she was) knew. My come back was that she (my daughter) had a cell phone and could have let me know the change in plans. The I explained that under no circumstances is it appropriate to be in a young mans bedroom.......no matter how many kids there are. This I am old fashioned about and will not budge. (BTW - these homes are 4,000 - 6,000 sq ft...there are plenty of rooms other then the bedroom to hang out in!!)
So what do you do when they do something you didn't actually say they cant do....I cant foresee every scenario. I think she should have known better. But the parent in charge didnt care. What do you do when this happens???
BTW - she didnt get into trouble. But we had a talk about what I think is appropriate. she was mad that instead of just asking/telling her over the phone my thoughts I ran right over and pulled her from the situation. I told her that being my oldest I would make mistakes too....and that we need to work together with love and forgiveness as we chart a course to adulthood....that we would both screw up and we just need to make sure we can talk it out.
Also - I didnt bother speaking with the parent where I thought she was, or the boy's parent........obviously we have different parenting perspectives.