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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Household responsibilities of adult children living at home.

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 2:36 PM
  • 9 Replies

I was wondering of someone had any guidelines for what I should expect from my 21 year old living at home as far as chores, cooking, shopping goes.  My daughter is 21, living at home, going to college locally and she has a part time job (10 hours a week). What should I expect from her?

 I feel very frustrated that I have to remind her to do her chores. Right now she only has to take care of the cats litter box and empty the dishwasher; usually I have to remind her to do that.  I feel like she should automatically pitch in and help out more without being asked. Her father and I both work and think she should help out a little more. If she is asked to stop by the store on her way home she acts like she is so put out.  She pay none of her  bills like car insurance, cell phone etc because only working 10 hours a week she doesn't make enough. We have talked about her getting a different job with more hours but she makes no steps in that direction. She does pay for her gas though. 

She has adult freedoms but takes on very little adult household responsibilities. I know I need to talk to her about "stepping up to the plate" but I don't want to go overboard or have it turn into an arguement. I need some guidelines and a well thought out expections before I do that.

Any help would be appreciated.

by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Esmrlda
by Esme on Dec. 29, 2010 at 4:22 PM

Make a list of the chores that need to be done around the house, everything that you do, dh does other household members do and then let her pick which ones she wants to do.  That way she at least has an option and wont poo poo the ideas all together.   Then set up a day and time when they need to be doneby and how often they need to be done.  Be clear.    I would also have her pay some of her expenses, like gas for her car, her portion of car insurance, her toiletries, 50.00 towards food etc.  It dosent have to be these things but she needs to contribute somehow.

Angelfaces
by Member on Dec. 29, 2010 at 4:24 PM

 I have no answers for you, but am interested in what advice the other ladies will have.  My situation is somewhat similar  with a 23 yr old step-daughter living at home.  She finished college a year ago and started full time employment Oct. 1st of this year. I've been having her pay for her car insurance since being out of college.  The car is ours but she drives it.  Now I am ready to tell her its time to pay rent as long as she is living with us.  $300.00 a month doesn't sound unreasonable to me.  She doesn't have any chores she does on a regular basis.  Once in awhile she'll wash dishes.  She never seems to be able to clean up after herself right away.   She's always had a lazy streak since I've known her (15 yrs now.)  Her dad still thinks of her as a little girl and she can play the part very well.  I think he's always felt he needed to protect her since her mom died when she was 4 yrs old.

Tiredmom53
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 4:25 PM

At 21 my son was married and on his own, but, 36 now he does come over and shovel our walks when it snows and mows the lawn during the summer so his old dad does not have to do it.  My 16yo helps me take care of the dogs (I run a rescue center) and maintains his room and helps big bro when he comes over.

zboys
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 4:28 PM

I don't have any advice except to say you're not alone.  My son (19) is attending the local college and is not working.  I've tried numerous times to give him ideas for where to look for work, etc. but to no avail.  He does help unload the dishwasher and help pick up his younger brothers from school, but that's about it.  He'll do an occasional odd job for his grandparents or me to earn a little money.  Unfortunately, over the course of a year and half his GPA is 3.0.  I expect him to do better, but there's only so much a mother can do.  He's going into his last semester at the jr. college then he's on to the university.  We'll see how this plays out this year.  Hopefully your daughter is making good grades.

Mariagma3
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2010 at 4:36 PM

 Here's what I would suggest:

1. Pay you both some kind of rent. Maybe $100.00 per every 2 weeks?

2. Give her a certain chore that you hate. IE: dishes, cleaning, laundry, garbage take out, etc.

3. Pay all her own bills. She wants a cell phone, not your problem. Insurance, same.

That's all I've got! Good luck!

victorianmom
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 5:20 PM

My parents use to say, you're under my roof,you go by our rules..which ment we kept our rooms clean and did our normal chores from when we lived at home(after moving out and moving back in). Also we had to pay rent, and whatever else we needed(such as insurance,cell phone(which weren't around in the seventies), etc.)

 I have two adult children at home now, and without saying a word they just started their routines. I also speak once and then carry a big stick,with a suitcase on it(never had to actually do this though, but they know)

CoeyG
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 7:07 PM

 You should expect at least the same things I expect from my daughter who is working full time (even when she was going to school full time).  That is to clean up after herself as well as pitching in with the rest of the housework.  I usually take the kitchen daughter takes the bathroom and we both work on the livingroom.  She takes care of her bedroom and I take care of mine.  We both take out the garbage since the curb is quite a distance from the house we live in.  With both of us working on household chores we both get more time to not do household chores.   And yes she should be paying rent as well.  My daughter pays half the rent and takes care of the internet and satelite dish.   

Shellness
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 7:08 PM

Here are my guidelines_ Get the heck out, lol!

kandyblossom
by on Dec. 29, 2010 at 9:23 PM

My 22 y/o daughter moved in with us back in the summer. Her almost 2 y/o son also lives here every other month. She works full time. She is expected to keep her room clean (grandson shares a room with her) keep their beds made, does their laundry, helps keep the bathroom clean that she shares with our two younger daughters. She is responsible for vacuuming the downstairs daily, on her days off she cleans the kitchen after dinner. Every two weeks before I grocery shop, she cleans out the fridge. She pays her own car insurance and cell phone bills. And any time I ask her to do something extra around the house or ask her to run an errand, she does it.

We don't charge her rent right now because she is saving every extra cent to pay for a lawyer so she can fight for custody of her son.

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