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18, runaway. Just a vent. but if you can help?

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:49 PM
  • 14 Replies

 

     DD is 18. Moved home after being in foster care most of her life.

The first week was great. Then came the time to set some house rules.  The anger was so real. She really thought she was going to run free.

No rules, regulations. I'll come n go as i please.  She's out minding my neighbors buisness. So I have to mind thier buisness to keep her safe. I'm having to weapon myself for the rift she's causing up here with neighbors I've lived with for 15 yrs.

Rocks have been thrown to her window, tapping on the living room window at 11:30 at night.

She stomps out of the house, daring me. I push her ass back in. She lies to every one of our  friends in an effort to get what she wants and leaves our confused friends  thinking that they've done something wrong.

We gave her permission to hang with a classmate from her GED class. She comes round 7.p thinking she's done nothing wrong. She's caused us concern for her safety, her trustworthyness.  I never dreamed I'd see the day I'd be looking in the back seat of cruisers for one of my children.

She refuses to take her blame. She's called all over kalimazo trying to blame us, passing the bucket, looking for anyone to let her, hear what she wants to hear. That it's our fault that she has to act this way.

he ran off sat night. Messed up weekend plans for my house and my dd21 home.

Tonight DH n I told her that she will act as a young lady in my house or she can leave. I put 10$s in an envelope for her. As I explaind to her, "If you run off again, take this envelope.'  'On it is the number to the Local womans shelter.' 'If you take that envelope, your not welcome at my door again untill you decide That your ready to act like an adult.'

I don't know if that was too rough but I Am Not Backing down. I have a peacefull home. When an issue arises It's chewed up, spitout and be done with it. No, It has to be an allday brewing with my 18 yr o.

I love my dd. but she will not stop by to recover from partying, shower n change of clothes. I n DH have made it clear to her, WE are not A FLOP house for her just because we're her parents.

She still has a bitch, can you believe it.,  "I will live the way I want. I am 18. you can't touch me."

I simply replyed, I won't waste my energy.

We tried sitting at the table, I gave her the talking stick and asked her to tell us why she felt the need to run away?   "i'm 18. i'll come n go When I want. I don't need permission. So, I told her,Yes you do it's my residents. The phone is right behind you. Call you sister. Your not staying here. 

Alls quiet for now. we've dinner to get through yet.

I can not trust her to stay here alone tomorrow while I tend a Dr. appointment. I am not going to argue with her to be ready on time to get the Bus.  I've waited 8 months for this appo.  So, after school she'll have to go to her sisters.

One bit of info. +

Hibitaul runaway. Drug user. will do whatever she needs to do to get what she wants.  Starts fights between spouses to rid herself of being the topic.

 +

My two dd's 18 n 21, came up with this plan that they were going to live together, they did not queery us about any of this n now my dd 21, wants us to house break her, dd18, so that she might live with 21 dd and her husband n 2 little boys.

Piss on them both I say

by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momofne
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:52 PM

You did the right thing {{{HUGS}}}

hugss
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by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 10:25 PM

 Tough .. tough ::sigh::
You did the right thing :)

TatteredTattin
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 10:41 PM

 thanks. i needed a self confidence ok.

Faith123
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 6:59 AM

So sorry you're going through this ... I can hear many emotions in your post -- anger, sadness, bewilderment, and others. And you have every right to feel those emotions. After all, none of us hoped and dreamed to have children with these types of problems, did we? I know I didn't, but I've got one (of sorts), too.

If she wants to throw the "I'm 18 and can do what I want to do" line at you, be tough and throw it right back at her with "You're 18 and you're an adult -- live by the rules of my house or leave. We are not legally obligated to house you any longer." (Make sure it's 18 and not 21 first, though.)

As I'm sure you know, you have GOT to stand your ground on this -- there is no gray area here. There's no reason she should be allowed to disrupt your life, and the lives of your other family members.

Again, I am speaking from experience and am not saying anything to you that hasn't been said to me in the past. I sincerely hope your daughter wakes up, matures, and starts living life in a more positive way. Don't give up hope, honey!

TatteredTattin
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 8:31 AM


Quoting Faith123:

So sorry you're going through this ... I can hear many emotions in your post -- anger, sadness, bewilderment, and others. And you have every right to feel those emotions. After all, none of us hoped and dreamed to have children with these types of problems, did we? I know I didn't, but I've got one (of sorts), too.

If she wants to throw the "I'm 18 and can do what I want to do" line at you, be tough and throw it right back at her with "You're 18 and you're an adult -- live by the rules of my house or leave. We are not legally obligated to house you any longer." (Make sure it's 18 and not 21 first, though.)

As I'm sure you know, you have GOT to stand your ground on this -- there is no gray area here. There's no reason she should be allowed to disrupt your life, and the lives of your other family members.

Again, I am speaking from experience and am not saying anything to you that hasn't been said to me in the past. I sincerely hope your daughter wakes up, matures, and starts living life in a more positive way. Don't give up hope, honey!

 Please advise. I'll hear anything right now (with a grain of salt.)

I'm going to try n exsplain "Burning Bridges" to her today.

Shellness
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 10:06 AM

Why was she in Foster Care most of her life?

lucky35
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 11:50 AM

tell her you are right you are 18 and you can do whatever you want but you wont' do it here in your home.   there are rules that everyone abides by and she is no exception.   let her know she doesn't like then there is the door and good luck to you in the real world honey.  

mammajigglypuff
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 12:35 PM

I'm sorry but I think there is more to this than you're saying because I get the impression you feel guilty she was in foster care.

She's 18 put her butt out and let her grow up, no need to explain "burning bridges" she'll find out real quick, otherwise  you'll turn around a have a 45 y/o demanding you take care of them or they'll hurt you or your property.

As Judge Greg Mathis would say Tough Love.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Mar. 29, 2011 at 1:00 PM

 

Quoting lucky35:

tell her you are right you are 18 and you can do whatever you want but you wont' do it here in your home.   there are rules that everyone abides by and she is no exception.   let her know she doesn't like then there is the door and good luck to you in the real world honey.  

 Well said, I agree!!

kermsgirlie
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 1:28 PM

Heather acted this way at 16,nearly 17,she did hold down a job but she had this attitude.One night when I was very ill ,it got physical and she left,never to return.I refused to have this spoiled brat in my home .The problem was she visited grandparents every weekend and she got away with everything.Let her go.She might return to you one day,or like my case,she may not.The rest of the group here knows about her with the letters and cards I sent when she was in her 20s,I tried to make peace.I tried to take blame for what was my fault.She never apologized and she will not visit here at all bc Im here.She has me blocked on FB.I never said or did anything to cause drama and i dont get it.You are not alone.And just so you know,I put her through dancing school,I worked for pennies at a pre school so she could attend and socialize.Put her through Brownies and any school play or chorus I always supported her and praised her.She had her own room and good meals.Im not living the rest of my life being her prisoner and feeling bad.I just cant anymore.BTW your 21 yr old is asking for trouble.

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