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so sad and so angry -- my daughter is pregnant

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 9:36 AM
  • 67 Replies

I have just learned my 21 year old daughter is pregnant. She is almost 4 months, and she has just now told us.  She is unmarried, and we are very worried about her relationship with the father.  She has been seeing him for about a year, and we and her other family members and friends have had alot of serious concerns about him.  She has said she is breaking up with him time and again but never does.  Now I learn she had been staying often with him, and now she has moved in.

I go from crying spells to angry to worried to a sense of "everything will be okay" and back again and again.  She knows I love her and will stand by her no matter what.  All this deception makes it hard to feel I have any kind of relationship with her. I am trying to keep the doors of communication open, but she is hard to pin down.  She keeps things on a very superficial level where she is the most comfortable.

There is no place of peace in this.  I have never known such turmoil. It is very difficult to do the normal, everyday things with this heaviness hanging over my heart.  I see the damage this has done to the rest of her brothers and sisters, and it breaks my heart. Above it all, I am so concerned for her, but feel so helpless.

If anyone has anything to share, I would be glad to hear it.

by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 9:36 AM
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by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2011 at 9:57 AM
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 I'm sorry you are disappointed, but it is a baby. It's not like she just received a cancer diagnosis. Everything will fall into place, I'm sure. It depends on why the guy is bad. Or if there are real reasons besides not liking him. Try and bond with your daughter, she will need you soon for love and support! Babies can be a real blessing!

by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:10 AM
1 mom liked this

i'm in the same shoes, i found out my 20 y/r old is pregnant and she is 6 months.   she is in college studying animation and the baby's father is only 17 still in high school.  i'm so dissapointed and angry by this as well.   she has no idea what this is going to do to her.   yes a baby is a beautiful thing but it also is expensive, demanding.  she has yet to tell her dad, i finally got her an appt with the doctor this friday and she has to be on medicaid.   i didn't want this for her at all.   i too was a young mom had two kids by the time i was 21, its hard.   i believe its harder now than back than.   lets hope and pray things work out for the best and everyone is happy.  

by Mary Ann on Jun. 22, 2011 at 11:46 AM
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I know how you feel - I was there a llittle over 11 years ago.  My daughter (then 20 years old) and dating a boy neither my husband, sons or I approved of at all.  She became pregnant and we knew we would wind up raising the child - no doubts in our minds.  They had a beautiful baby girl who just turned 11 a couple days ago and have proven themselves to be excellent, wonderful, loving parents and this guy is the most devoted father and husband.  They now have a 4 year old as well.  I think your daughter senses your apprehension and probably is also facing some doubts herself.  At this point about all you can do is be supportive and encourage the rest of the family to do the same.

by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:18 PM
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CONGRATS!!!!! Even though pregnancies can be tough when you look at the all opens up and is okay once that baby is born.

My daughter was pregnant at 18 with an IDIOT boy that she ran away about nothing redeeming in a situation! LOL! They lived with no electricity or running water when she was pregnant...I mean, it was a BAD TIME. It was turmoil the whole time. Were WE going to adopt the baby? Was she going to give it up? At the 11th hour, she decided to keep her.

I threw her a shower...I simply decided, to support. I was in the delivery room when my precious grandbaby was born. The daddy stepped up and has been a WONDERFUL daddy to that little girl. I keep the baby while my daughter works and sometimes more. I've had her for weeks. It's no big deal, as she is simply OUR WORLD! LOL! 

So....just be supportive and think of the precious baby that will be here. I will tell you, my granddaughter was 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant. When my baby daughter Willow, passed away, it was my granddaughter that pretty much saved US...

It's all all works out....and you're gaining another person to love! CONGRATS!!!

by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 Your daughter is 21, an adult and she has the right to live herlife without you being in control.  And that is what I see what is wrong here.  You want to be in control and are upset that you're not.  She hasn't damaged anyone, she has made a baby with a man the rest of the family doesn't what?  She has obviously made her choices and because you don't like the choices she has made you have blown it all out of proportion.  If he is abusive then it is up to her to seek help to get out and if she doesn't there really isn't anything you or anyone else can do.  You and the rest of the family need to stop stressing and stop attempting to control her, she is in control of her own life...

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by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:41 PM

 Hugs hon,
Hope it all wil work out,
Understand how you feel but least she knows you are there for her :)

by Louann on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this

It will be hard but it can work out.  As for the guy....we've all had the ones WE don't like but it's not up to us.  Trust me when I say I've been there.  You just have to realize that it's her choice and if she's anything like my son...the more you say the more she will cling to him.  lol  All I can say is try to focus on the positive and think of a sweet innocent little baby.  Being a Mimi is a wonderful thing.  It can work out and it may end up being a really good thing.  Keep us posted and try not to worry.  :)

by Esme on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:17 PM

 hugs Im sorry you are feeling so hurt.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sure that everything will be just fine.  My daughter at 18 got pregnant by her then 16 y/o boyfriend, who we still call a worthless waste of human skin.... she is 24 now and the baby is 5.  she as so so close to having an abortion, we were there, in the office, they were getting her ready....  she stopped.  i have never been so proud of her in my life.  I cannot even fathom what life would be like right now if she had gone through with it.  I love that little boy with all my heart and he makes my day brighter and brighter EVERY day.  Just remember that all things happen for a reason.  It may take a while to figure out that reason, but there is one.

by Becky on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I've lived your life - and more than once - with my one and only daughter.  She is now 28 and is really a wonderful woman and a fantastic mom, but she and I both went thru a lot since she told me, about 2 months before turning 20, that she was pregnant the first time.  Long story short, I let her move back in w/ me when she was still pregnant, and when baby was 15 months old, I had to kick her out.  She got pregnant again within a couple of months, by a different guy.  When that baby was 3 months old, I ended up with fosterparenthood of the two of them (for almost 2 1/2 years).  While the granddaughters were in my care, daughter got pregnant with #3 (miscarried, and it was almost like her final "approval" to dump the jerk) and then #4 (with her now fiance - marriage via j/p may be this summer!!!!!).  She regained custody of the girls when my grandson was just 2 months old. 

Point is, she survived, I survived.  It's painful now for you - I still remember it well when she told me the first time - but a baby is such a blessing, and your daughter will be forced to either "sink or swim".  A baby does force most people to take a good, long, hard look at their lives, and most people do settle down and evaluate who is in their lives. 

Hang in there, if you aren't a praying person, I suggest you start, because that is truly the only way you will be able to let go, and "let God" (let Him do His work).  

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