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Angry adult daughter

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 1:00 AM
  • 17 Replies
  • Does anyone else have an angry adult daughter?  Mine uses her children to punish her Dad and me.  Holds them hostage. Controls everything we say and do with the kids, even how we sing songs, as in the voice or accent we use to sing a silly song.  Am I the only one with this problem?  She regularly cuts us from her (and the kids) lives.  We live in the same town and if we run into her when we're cut off, the kids are afraid to acknowledge our presence.  All the kids are under 9 years old and I know this must be just awful for them because they Love us so much.  She won't even allow her husband to speak to us if she is angry with us.  This is making me nuts!
by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 1:00 AM
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by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 1:46 AM

OMGoodness!  I can understand how it must make you feel.  I think I'd just try to have a good talk with her and let her know her anger/manipulating aren't going to work anymore.  What have you really got to lose, since if she gets angry for whatever, (real or imagined), reason she withholds them anyway.  That is no way to treat you or her kids and is the most childish, immature thing I've ever heard.  Has she always been manipulative?  If you are a help to her by babysitting, running errands, or whatever, then just see how long she withholds the kids from you when she needs you.  I've seen a similar situation in my own family and unfortunately the Mom in that case kept playing by the daughter's rules and even to this day the daughter runs the show and the Mom is thankful for any crumb she gets.  It's a very sad situation and I'll definitely pray for you and your family. 

by Lisa on Sep. 7, 2011 at 6:47 AM

She evenn controls the way you sing to your grandchildren?!!! What she is doing is abusive to you, your husband, the kids, and her husband.

Has your daughter ever been diagnosed  with metal illness or is she just plain mean for the sake of being mean? Either way, I would let her know it is no longer going to be tolerated. As painful as it may be, it is not a healthy situation at all for anyone involved and her constant  you can see your grandpartents/not see them has to be scaring those poor kids as well as everyone else.

Does your state have grandparent right laws? I would look into it if I wear you. It sounds like your daughter needs some serious mental help or at the very least anger managment classes. I wish you lots of luck!

by Gold Member on Sep. 7, 2011 at 9:00 AM

That is so sad!  I don't have grandkids but if I did and my daughter dared to treat us like that, I would have a serious sit down conversation with her.  Really, what would I have to lose?   If she didn't like it she would keep doing what she had been anyway.  It is so wrong to use kids against the grandparents.

Talk to her, let her know how much this hurts you and your husband.  Find out what needs to be done to prevent this as best you can anyway.  

Big Hugs and best of luck to you

by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 9:10 AM

I guess I am a mean person but I had a situation when my daughter was younger that she tried to use her son as a bargaining chip...she lost all babysitting from me etc. She would not try this now because she needs my support more than I need hers. I am willing to walk away even if it meant that I never saw my grandchildren again and she knows that. Fortunately she has grown up a lot so I think this would not happen now. Unfortunately this is a lose lose situation for everyone. My heart breaks for you and those children. I hope that she grows up and stops this destructive behavior soon. However, I would draw my line in the sand and stick to my guns.....if you don't she knows she is holding you hostage and the behavior will never stop. This is called tough love. Good Luck and many hugs.

by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2011 at 9:43 AM

I would ask what she's so angry about, and go from there. 

by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 10:10 AM

I have an angy adult daughter because she is living with a man that abuses her mentally and physically and I refuse to acknowledge him or that relationship. She knows I'm right and I hope one day she will "see the light" and come to her senses and that he doesn't hurt her in the meantime. She doesn't have and children but threatened me already with any future children she might have with him.

My response was this..."That's your loss because your children would be missing out on an awsome Grandma".

She didn't like that. It didn't give her the answer she wanted. I don't care. I KNOW I am right.

Your daughter has some issues for sure and I would just start acting like I didn't care if I were you. Send the kids things in the mail. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she is hurting you. She uses that against you.

by Louann on Sep. 7, 2011 at 12:14 PM

It sounds to me like she has more than anger issues.  Has she ever been diagnosed with any type of mental illness.  It doesn't make sense to me that she'd want to be so controlling over such ridiculous things.  I'm sorry for you because I know it must hurt a lot.  My heart breaks for those kids too.  I would try to talk to her and ask her does she REALLY understand how it hurts her kids???   I don't get some people.  Good luck and I hope she'll stop acting this way.    :)

by on Sep. 7, 2011 at 12:55 PM

I'm sorry about your situation.  Some family counseling would be helpful if she would agree.  Sounds as if there are left over issues from growing up. Can you talk to her husband?  See if he can reason with her to get her to some mediation or counseling for her sake.

by on Sep. 8, 2011 at 2:37 PM

Your daughter sounds more than just angry, she sounds like she is depressed or suffers from some other mental illness, and is directing all her unhappiness towards you.  When she is talking to you, can you bring this up in a non threatening way, or even speak to her husband privately about your concerns?  Her children will grow up with HUGE problems if she doesn't get some  help.

by Jeanine on Sep. 8, 2011 at 3:13 PM

 Wow, I'm sorry.  I agree with everyone that your dd sounds seriously disturbed :(

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