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How do I help him?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:52 AM
  • 17 Replies

In sort of a dilemma. My son, who will be 20 in December, is a worrier and a melancholy personality.

He is in school full time and lives at home. He has been unable to find a job and is very depressed about it.

Last night he says "I'm such a failure"

What?

He is in school M-Sa from 8-5 pm. On Sunday he plays on the worship team at church and then has practice later that day. Monday nights he plays for CR, Tuesday night he and his gf go with the singles from church bowling. Wed night he has practice, Thursday night he comes home and does laundry and studies. Friday if he gf is not working they hang out at her house(with her parents and brother), Saturday after school if she is free they spend time together.

He is home every night before 11 pm. Does his own laundry, packs his own lunch, eats breakfast, is respectful and helpful.

He could work a part time job from 530 - 11 pm and on Sundays, but no one will hire him. He gets the same excuse all the time. We need someone who is available more. Why, they only give 12-20 hours a week if lucky.

He is depressed, frustrated and is worried he will "never" find a job. He graduates in March.

sigh....I wish I had an answer or a magically cure.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

So first of all you list all of the qualities you listed here, maybe put it in a card to give to him.  Invite him out for coffee, just you and he and tell him it is because you appreciate what he does.  As for the work thing.  The reason they want people available for more hours is in case they have to call someone in to cover someone else's shift.  For the time being there are things he can do (plus they can go on his resume') He can start a small dog walking/pet/house sitting business for neighbors.  I know someone who's daughter started doing this in her early teens and actually made a career out of it.  If he doesn't know the neighbors he can go door to door, introduce himself, explain that he is "between jobs" and looking for work.  

KittyGram
by Becky on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Just try to assure him that after he graduates, since availability is an issue, all kinds of doors might open up for him.

I'm going to write this next line, only because of his involvement in church.  I'm not a church-goer anymore, and I have some "issues" with God right now (we're working them out, though!!!), but I want to share with you something that a church acquaintance told me once, when I was worried big time about something.  She said that when you worry, you're doubting God.  You're doubting that He is bigger than any problem that you could possibly have.  Maybe this is a statement that could help him sort things out. 

All the best to him.  He sounds like a great kid!!!!

homeskoolmama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:18 AM

Thanks Colleen, and I have done this. We do talk often and he is aware of how proud I am of him. He says "its not enough, he needs money. sigh...he wants so desperately to get everyone gifts for Christmas.

He is giving a young boy from church guitar lessons. So he does get a little money. 

I think part of the problem is, his gf has a job and is getting him a BIG gift for Christmas. He wants to do the same but knows he can't and is really bummed about it.

We live WAY out in the country, so there are no neighbors to offer any services to like, dog walking, house sitting, babysitting, yard work and so on.

Quoting CoeyG:

So first of all you list all of the qualities you listed here, maybe put it in a card to give to him.  Invite him out for coffee, just you and he and tell him it is because you appreciate what he does.  As for the work thing.  The reason they want people available for more hours is in case they have to call someone in to cover someone else's shift.  For the time being there are things he can do (plus they can go on his resume') He can start a small dog walking/pet/house sitting business for neighbors.  I know someone who's daughter started doing this in her early teens and actually made a career out of it.  If he doesn't know the neighbors he can go door to door, introduce himself, explain that he is "between jobs" and looking for work.  


homeskoolmama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:20 AM

Becky, I do agree. Worry is our doubting God and His ability to do for us. However, as a mom I worry, as a young adult, he worries. We're working on that too :-)

I have seen it many times "Stop telling God how big your problems are and start telling your problems how big your God is"


he understands employers wanting someone available/flexible, he is just so down. It breaks my heart.

Quoting KittyGram:

Just try to assure him that after he graduates, since availability is an issue, all kinds of doors might open up for him.

I'm going to write this next line, only because of his involvement in church.  I'm not a church-goer anymore, and I have some "issues" with God right now (we're working them out, though!!!), but I want to share with you something that a church acquaintance told me once, when I was worried big time about something.  She said that when you worry, you're doubting God.  You're doubting that He is bigger than any problem that you could possibly have.  Maybe this is a statement that could help him sort things out. 

All the best to him.  He sounds like a great kid!!!!


granbaker
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:58 AM

Dear Dawn,  He sounds like such a conscience kid.  Being that of course he feels inadequate.  But he needs to learn patience.  What he is doing now will provide him with the skills to achieve what he wants.  Why is it that the good ones always feel this way and are in such a hurry?  The bad ones couldn't care less.  He only has four months to go until he can seriously look for work.  Tell him if he must do something to begin working on his resume.  They take time and thought.  He can also be compiling a list of places he wants to apply, lining up references, and getting letters of recomendation.  All this should keep him busy and raise self esteem.  Claudette.

CoeyG
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:58 AM


Quoting homeskoolmama:

Thanks Colleen, and I have done this. We do talk often and he is aware of how proud I am of him. He says "its not enough, he needs money. sigh...he wants so desperately to get everyone gifts for Christmas.

He is giving a young boy from church guitar lessons. So he does get a little money. 

I think part of the problem is, his gf has a job and is getting him a BIG gift for Christmas. He wants to do the same but knows he can't and is really bummed about it.

We live WAY out in the country, so there are no neighbors to offer any services to like, dog walking, house sitting, babysitting, yard work and so on.

Quoting CoeyG:

So first of all you list all of the qualities you listed here, maybe put it in a card to give to him.  Invite him out for coffee, just you and he and tell him it is because you appreciate what he does.  As for the work thing.  The reason they want people available for more hours is in case they have to call someone in to cover someone else's shift.  For the time being there are things he can do (plus they can go on his resume') He can start a small dog walking/pet/house sitting business for neighbors.  I know someone who's daughter started doing this in her early teens and actually made a career out of it.  If he doesn't know the neighbors he can go door to door, introduce himself, explain that he is "between jobs" and looking for work.  


Okay, the guitar lessons sound great.  If he excelled in a subject or two in high school  he might be able to tutor high schoolers in those subjects.  He could check with the local middle and high schools to see if anyone might be in need...Shannon used to do this she got $20 a session.  Each session is about an hour long.  As far as the gift for the girlfriend, tell him to make up a coupon book, free hugs, massages (and I'm talking just a massage nothing else mom LOL)maybe limited them to hand and food massages...Believe me had someone thought of giving me those for Christmas there isn't anything that coulld compare lol. 

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:05 PM

Excellent advice!

Quoting CoeyG:

So first of all you list all of the qualities you listed here, maybe put it in a card to give to him.  Invite him out for coffee, just you and he and tell him it is because you appreciate what he does.  As for the work thing.  The reason they want people available for more hours is in case they have to call someone in to cover someone else's shift.  For the time being there are things he can do (plus they can go on his resume') He can start a small dog walking/pet/house sitting business for neighbors.  I know someone who's daughter started doing this in her early teens and actually made a career out of it.  If he doesn't know the neighbors he can go door to door, introduce himself, explain that he is "between jobs" and looking for work.  


peacefulstar7
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:44 PM

 Wow, he sounds like such a great guy! I know you must be proud of him. I hardly know what to say because soon he will graduate and then he can begin his life. I love the idea of tutoring high school kids and I'm sure most of them need it. He could mentor a child who needs a good role model.

This world needs more young men like your guy and I commend you for raising this fine young man:-)

jabs54
by Jeanine on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:41 PM

 My dd was just telling me about the message last night at her college age ministry group (at UW Madison).  It was about how God tells us NOT to worry about anything.  It's too long to type but remind him of what the Bible says about worrying.  Maybe he can spend some time volunteering until he does find that job.   As long as your using your time for God's glory you're never a loser!!!

homeskoolmama
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:37 AM

Thank you! I did not think about letters of reference, we have done a resume but it needs tweaking.

He wants to continue his education when he graduates. He is planning on finding a job and doing school at night. He has plans for the next 5 years but wants it done. Impatient, yes.

Quoting granbaker:

Dear Dawn,  He sounds like such a conscience kid.  Being that of course he feels inadequate.  But he needs to learn patience.  What he is doing now will provide him with the skills to achieve what he wants.  Why is it that the good ones always feel this way and are in such a hurry?  The bad ones couldn't care less.  He only has four months to go until he can seriously look for work.  Tell him if he must do something to begin working on his resume.  They take time and thought.  He can also be compiling a list of places he wants to apply, lining up references, and getting letters of recomendation.  All this should keep him busy and raise self esteem.  Claudette.


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