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birthday bologna!!!!

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:35 PM
  • 17 Replies

gotta love being unappreciated. We have alwys had the philosophy of our adult kids dont really get birthday presents or money but this year i got some serious guilt over it. Today one of our sons turned 19. he lives at home. we had a birthday dinner.  my stepson was chatting with me on facebook. and decided to give me a hartd time about it. Keep in mind that this 23 year old owes us 825 dollars for a mistake he made and we fixed, and only seems to call or come around when he needs something. Obviously i got angry. Am i justified in feeling taken for granted and unappreciated by him for this.

 

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:02 PM

Well you gave him the money to fix his mistake...so why are you blaming him?  As far as no party's or gifts for adult children...sorry I will have a party for my daughter until I'm ashes in an urn on her mantle.  

cinart13
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:17 PM

not blaming him, it was a loan, which he has yet to pay back. And he was here at the house til the day befroe his birthday and then left.  We do not have time to make transportation arrangments for an adult who needs to learn to grow up and be a responsible man, who takes care of his responsibilities., instead of a child who throws a tantrum when he does not get his way.

 

 

Granny1952
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:48 PM

NOPE!

EireLass
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:59 PM

It's hard for another Mom to tell you whether you're doing it right or wrong, or how you should feel. We all have our own ways of raising our kids, and how we will be with them as they become young adults. One of the boys, 22, just got in a car accident. His fault. He's fully covered with insurance. It's an expensive car, and being under 25, his insurance is very high. This boy works 3 jobs, he is no slouch. But he doesn't have any type of large savings account to cover the deductable and now rise in his insurance. He called in a panic, more about never having to deal with accidents, insurance, adjusters, etc. We explained how it goes, and then the resulting amount out of pocket.....maybe, you don't really know til all is said and done. So we told him we would help him. He balked at it. We will tell him to pay us back, but I know there will be no structured payments of pressure. We look at each kid overall, look at what they're about, and judge based on that. This is a good kid, hard working, and for us, it's worth it to us to help him. There were times I borrowed money from one of the girls. She was always 'johnny on the spot' with cash. I paid her back quickly. But then I put out over $1000 in car repairs when she was visiting (and could not get home 10 hours away without repairs). She would send money every month, and then the last time she asked me if I was keeping tabs, I told her the balance was $0. She knew it wasn't. But I thought...she's always right there when I need her, this is my appreciation back to her. 

I don't know, every family is different, and deals with the kids differently. Family dynamics for each family are their own. But if he's trying to do things to make you feel bad, or doing things to upset you, THAT is what needs to be dealt with. Money should not be the issue. 

louannwilkins
by Louann on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this

 Welcome to parenthood!  lol  Just kidding.  I don't know how you should feel but hopefully it will all blow over and be ok soon.  As for my adult son and step sons...I still do gifts or a party or some kind of get together.  I guess I always will.  lol   Now it's not anything elaborate but I do remember them.  I guess it's because my folks always did it for me.

cinart13
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:17 PM


Quoting EireLass:

It's hard for another Mom to tell you whether you're doing it right or wrong, or how you should feel. We all have our own ways of raising our kids, and how we will be with them as they become young adults. One of the boys, 22, just got in a car accident. His fault. He's fully covered with insurance. It's an expensive car, and being under 25, his insurance is very high. This boy works 3 jobs, he is no slouch. But he doesn't have any type of large savings account to cover the deductable and now rise in his insurance. He called in a panic, more about never having to deal with accidents, insurance, adjusters, etc. We explained how it goes, and then the resulting amount out of pocket.....maybe, you don't really know til all is said and done. So we told him we would help him. He balked at it. We will tell him to pay us back, but I know there will be no structured payments of pressure. We look at each kid overall, look at what they're about, and judge based on that. This is a good kid, hard working, and for us, it's worth it to us to help him. There were times I borrowed money from one of the girls. She was always 'johnny on the spot' with cash. I paid her back quickly. But then I put out over $1000 in car repairs when she was visiting (and could not get home 10 hours away without repairs). She would send money every month, and then the last time she asked me if I was keeping tabs, I told her the balance was $0. She knew it wasn't. But I thought...she's always right there when I need her, this is my appreciation back to her. 

I don't know, every family is different, and deals with the kids differently. Family dynamics for each family are their own. But if he's trying to do things to make you feel bad, or doing things to upset you, THAT is what needs to be dealt with. Money should not be the issue. 

Him making me feel bad is exactly the issue. We are talking about a person who only comes around when there is something in it for him, not to just to come. A person who I am MOM to when its all good but the minute i have something to say he doesnt like or agree with I am the bad guy. I have simply had enough of it. we do our best with these 13 kids and it never seems to be good enough. Its really frustrating.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:29 PM

 You have 13 kids?!   No, I don't blame you for being ticked if the only time he's nice to you is when he wants something.

CoeyG
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:23 PM


Quoting cinart13:

not blaming him, it was a loan, which he has yet to pay back. And he was here at the house til the day befroe his birthday and then left.  We do not have time to make transportation arrangments for an adult who needs to learn to grow up and be a responsible man, who takes care of his responsibilities., instead of a child who throws a tantrum when he does not get his way.



Did you drewa up a contract on the loan?  Was there a date the loan had to be paid off by?  I'm not saying he shouldn't pay the loan...I'm saying was it in writing?  And if it wasn't why wasn't it? 

ceashell429
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 9:18 AM
I don't do birthdays. But that is a across the bored for all the kids. They get a cake. No gift. They typically get me a card to thank me for giving birth and taking care of them. That started bout 15 years ago.
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KittyGram
by Becky on Jan. 16, 2012 at 9:39 AM

I'd say exactly that to him - that you're upset because he's only around when he needs something, and that he has no reason to complain.  

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